I Don't Blame You
by RUHLSAR000 AKA Bob Fluffkiller
Summary: In the aftermath of the battle of Yavin, Ezra helps to rebuild the Jedi Order. However, a shadow from his past returns and hidden fear surrounds the temple. When the shadow known as Maul decides to make a half-Twi'lek his apprentice, Ezra must do all he can to keep his niece on the Light Side.
1. Chapter 1: Another Dawn

**RUHLSAR000 Here! And this has been burning in my head since the season finally. I am sensing a pattern with season finale of this show and longer story. I worry for season 3. For those following Ner Vod, it will still be my primary story. However, I will be updating this when I can (Unless it break the site with how popular it is). And when I have multiple chapters (As I do right now) I will be switching back and forth between them each week. I DO NOT OWN STAR WARS REBELS! GIVE IT UP FOR THE MOUSE! I apologize for errors, delays and author's notes.**

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Ezra smirks, watching the new parents. They really are down right entertaining. They have yet to get over the new parent angst, something he found ironic, considering they practically raised him. They haven't even realized he is here yet.

"No, the diaper bag is by the door." Hera shifts the little baby on her hip. The baby lifts up her hands and pulls at her lekku. Hera gently pulls her hands away, "Ah, ah, sweetheart, don't pull at my lekku."

"Why is it by the door and not the changing table?" Kanan says, getting up with the guide of the side of the changing table.

"Because we don't need it at the changing table. We need it when we travel." Hera huffs.

"Right, right. Did we pack enough clothes?" Kanan asks, putting a hand on the wall to guide him to the dresser, having not yet memorized the layout of the nursery.

"I think so… We have a change of cloth for her nap. One for after her nap. One for when she makes a mess of Ezra's dinner. One for sleeping tonight. One for tomorrow morning. One for a spare. And then we should be back." Hera checks off

"What about when she spits up?" Kanan asks.

"Grab another two. And few changes of clothes for Ezra." Hera says, only half-joking on the last bit.

Ezra smirks, "You know, its not like I can't pop back over here if there is anything I need, right? It's not like we live in different buildings."

"Ezra," Hera turns and smiles. The baby reaches out her little arms. "Is it time already?"

"Yeah." Ezra smiles at the couple.

"I think we packed every thing." Kanan smile bring out two fuzzy textured onesies. Ezra bites back the guilt. It's because of him that Kanan will never be able to see his daughter. His younger self had been so stupid and put both of them through hell. And yet, both forgave him. It boggles the mind. Kanan frowns, clearly sensing Ezra's thoughts. "Clothes, formula, bottles, diapers, wipes, powder, toys… Anything else?"

Ezra raises an eyebrow, "Someplace for her to sleep. I don't have a crib, remember?"

Both Kanan and Hera's eyebrows shoot up. Both their heads pop over to the crib as if wondering how to move it to Ezra's apartment. Ezra shakes his head. "How about I borrow your couch for the night? Less moving around for Asha."

Both nod. Kanan shakes his head. "Why didn't I think of that?"

"Are you okay with that?" Hera asks.

"Whatever works best for Asha, I am fine with." Ezra smiles, taking Asha into his arms. Asha smacks her tannish hand against his cheek. Asha looks so much like her father. Sure, she has patches of Hera's green skins, especially on the top of her head where her lekku were developing and down he shoulders, and the shape of her face is a hundred percent her mother. But her eyes… They were a hundred percent her father's once water colored eyes. And her remaining skin is her fathers.

And she is so small. He's not sure where she got that from

Ezra shifts Asha so she is fully supported by one arm before giving her what she wants, his finger. Asha lets out a giggle as she grabs his finger. "You have your bags packed?" Ezra asks.

"We were the easy ones to pack for." Hera smiles, hugging Ezra and Asha. She gives Asha an extra kiss. Kanan comes over and kisses his daughter. He ruffles Ezra's hair. Ezra just laughs. They may be older now, and Ezra may have become a Jedi knight, after a agonizingly long bumpy road involving tip-toeing with the dark side and a brief fall, but he is still Kanan's padawan and brother. The group moves into the main room.

"Hera? Where did you put-" Kanan nearly trips over the bags, but catches himself. Ezra winces, blaming himself. Asha smacks his face. Ezra smiles at her, sending a calming happy feeling. Kanan gives a chuckle, "Found them."

Hera pauses, "Emergency numbers are-"

"On the fridge next to her schedule and both are memorized." Ezra rolls his eyes, then add "And I think I am even on that list as a primary emergency contact."

"Yes, you are." Kanan chuckles, lifting up the bags. "We should be back some time tomorrow."

"I know." Ezra smiles. He was in the room when they got assigned this mission. He even suspects Luke assigned them this mission to get them to get a babysitter and a little space away from the temple. They have gotten a little frazzled in the nine months since Asha was born. They've gotten the grove but they are still new parent, so it isn't surprising. "Get some good work done. I've got it covered."

"We know." Kanan smiles. "See you tomorrow."

"See you tomorrow." Hera sighs.

"We'll be fine. See you tomorrow." Ezra chuckles, as he senses their moods. _It is amazing that no doubt exist in them_ , Ezra thinks. _With what I did to everyone… But they welcomed me back. I can never pay them back._

Kanan frowns, patting his shoulder. Ezra looks at the band covering Kanan's eyes. "Sorry…" Ezra can't help but whisper.

"Ezra, you have apologize everyday for the past twelve years. What do I need to do to get it through that amazingly thick head of yours that I don't blame you." Kanan huffs.

"I know." Ezra sighs, adding silently, _But I blame me…_ It is easier now than when he was younger and he is happy now, but the guilt is there. It is always there. It will always be there.

Kanan sighs. "Take care of yourself."

"Geez, you guys didn't worry this much when I went undercover as a cadet." Ezra shakes his head

"Are you kidding? I'm amazed I didn't need to replace the floor boards from Kanan's passing." Hera laughs, with a smirk. Her plan works.

Ezra burst into laughter. Asha smiles, leaning into Ezra's chest. "Go on. Get going."

"Right, Right." Hera smiles as they finally leave.

As the door closes, Ezra smiles at Asha. "Right, how about we put on one of those brightly color movies from that company that scars kids that don't have to go through painful childhood so they are some what normal?" Ezra lifts her up to her face. Asha giggles. Ezra spins around earning a giggle from her. He sets her against his chest and pops on one of those movies, the one about a talking animals, bright musical numbers, and politically intrigue involving murder.

Asha laughs and stares wide eyed at the flashing colors, not grasping anything but pretty colors as she sits in Ezra's lap, her favorite ring toy in hand. "Do me a favor, kid." Asha doesn't respond, instead sticking her ring in her mouth. Ezra chuckles lightly, tickling her belly. "Let this be the only trauma you face." Asha looks up at him, pushing her keys into his face. Ezra laughs.

The rest of the day passes calmly. Ezra keeping a firm read on Asha's emotions, using it to tell when she was hungry, need a change or anything else. _She doesn't need to learn patience at under a year old._ Ezra thinks to himself.

Finally, after somehow coaxing a lullaby out of him, something Ezra found very impressive, she falls asleep in his arms. He walks back into the nursery and sets her down on her stomach in her crib. He slides her tooka doll under her arm. And for a time, he just leans on the edge of the crib and watches his sudo-niece.

Thoughts without form flit through his head. _He didn't deserve to be part of this family… He is grateful for each of them… He will do anything, sacrifice anything for them… But others' pain and suffering isn't on the plate, just his own… This is the only family he'll ever get…_

 _Maybe Kanan suspects something… Maybe not… Children are off the plate for him… Can never be again after his stint with the dark side… No one knows… He can't sentence another to the same feeling… So, he'll just protect this one… and all the other little ones to pass through the temple…_

He gently rubs her back. "Don't grow up to quickly. Kanan won't be able to take it. And… neither can I…" He quietly leaves cracking the door open so he can keep an ear out. He sits down in the middle of the living room area and meditates. He listens to the ebbs and flows and drifts of the Force.

The brightness nearly blinds him. So many pure Force signatures, glowing brightly and innocently. His is different, still light but… tempered… There is no innocence.

Finally, after a few hours he pulls out of it. He stands stretching out with a yawn. He goes to grab a pillow and blanket from the closet when his head snaps to the nursery…

Centering himself, he walks over to the door and slips in. His hand falls onto his cross-bladed lightsaber. The room is empty. Nothing is out of place.

He senses everything in the apartment. Only him and Asha are here. With a flick of his hand, he locks the main door. Asha groans in her sleep. Ezra ignores it, he has more important thing on his mind. He walks to the nursery's window, looking over everything out there. But…

He locks the window, not withdrawing his focus… Nothing…

He won't question the Force.

His eyes snap open. He slides the curtains closed. Silently, he picks up Asha, slips the diaper bag on to her shoulder and carries her to the main room. He grabs his comm off the counter. "Master Skywalker." He says calmly.

"Master Bridger?" Luke's voice comes through, though he is clearly sleepy.

"I just got a bad feeling," Ezra says.

"I'll be right there." Luke is awake, as if some one gave him a stim shot.

"Have the guards run a parameter search. Do not let them engage." Ezra says, worried.

"Right." Luke says. It only takes ten minutes for Luke to get there, but it is ten minutes too long for Ezra. Eventually, thought, he senses Luke knock on the door. Ezra opens the door. Luke looks at him, confused.

"I am not letting Asha stay here." Ezra says. "Grab the stroller. I'd like to have one hand free for my lightsaber if need be."

Luke nods, grabs the folded up stroller and gestures for them to follow. The three rush down the halls, Luke leading the way. They get to Luke's apartment, in the center of the new temple. Ezra peals off the diaper bag and opens the stroller in one hand. He locks the wheels and sets Asha in it. Asha yawns in her sleep. Ezra pauses, then straightens up. "Watch Asha for me."

"I need to lead the search." Luke protests.

"I will lead it. My feeling remember?" Ezra says. "We'll need someone to coordinate the movements."

Luke nods. Ezra gives on last look to Asha, before rushing out the door. He reaches the area outside Asha's nursery. Night is displaying itself in all its glory with an orchestra of croaks and chirps. Ezra closes his eyes, stretching out his sense to the hundreds of tiny animals in the vicinity. "Sorry for the intrusion." A mouse's memory of almost being stepped on not to long ago... _There was a person looking into Asha's room_ , Ezra realizes, holding back bile.

The person left… That way…

Ezra sprints of in that direction, dodging trees, boulders and rocks, as he follows the animals' memories. Finally, he comes to a clearing with a man covered in a dark cloak. "Who are you? What were you doing outside my niece's room?" Ezra demands, hand hovering over his lightsaber.

The clocked figure pulls out a double lightsaber hilt. Two red blades activate. Ezra grabs his lightsaber and activates its.

The figure attacks, locking sabers with Ezra. The hood falls. "Maul!" Ezra yells in surprise and breaks the lock. "Didn't you fall into a volcano?"

Maul swings at his head. Ezra block. Maul swings back attacking Ezra's back. Ezra flicks his lightsaber behind him, blocking Maul's attack. Ezra throws a sidekick into Mauls gut, sending him back.

"I know, your moves, Maul. You've been using the same moves for over thirty years." Ezra taunts, readjusting his stance. It probably won't do much, but taunting can be used to distract an opponent. And given that it takes more concentration to actual stop him from doing it, he let it have free reign.

Maul isn't phased. He spins, striking at Ezra again. Ezra ducks the strike, counter striking his legs. Maul flips using the jump to put extra power into a downward strike. Ezra takes the opportunity to strike his opponent. Their lightsabers clash and locks.

"Why are you even here? Didn't you learn anything from our last fight?" Ezra says.

"I merely am looking for an apprentice. The halfling will do rather nicely." Maul smirks.

Ezra knows what Maul is playing at. Ezra releases his anger at the statement to the Force, letting it give him a calm clear mind. He sends out a Force pulse, moves faster than he ever has, blocking all of Maul's attack, pushing him back.

Maul , so distracted by the flurry of lightsaber stricks, trips on a root. Ezra points his lightsaber at his neck. The two glare at each other. In one move, Ezra deactivates his lightsaber and hits Maul hard enough with his hilt to knock him out. "You're lucky I took an oath never to kill again." Ezra says, pulling out his com. "Guards, I need you in section four-two. Bring restraints…" He glances down at Maul. "And Force-suppressers. Lots of Force surpres-" Ezra lets out a yell, as pain erupts in his side. Ezra spins around only to see Maul's back fleeing.

Ezra takes a step to follow, but his legs give out as the wound inflicks more pain. He holds pressure on his wound. A branch breaks. Ezra ignites his blade at the direction of the sound. He lowers his guard when he sees it is one of the non-Force-sensitive guards the new temple is currently employing.

"Master Bridger!" The guard shouts. Ezra winces, _I don't deserve to be called master… I never will…_ "Where is the prisoner?"

"Gone." Ezra winces.

"Master Bridger, your injured!" The guard shouts. Ezra bites back a sarcastic remark. The guard pulls out a com, "We have an injured Jedi. Bring the stretcher!"

Ezra sweetdrops. "I'm good. I don't need a stretcher."

"Lie down! Stay with me! Don't go into the light!" The guard pushes him down. "Oh, I should do first aid. Oh, lift your hand."

"It's not bad. It is deep, but lightsaber wounds cauterize immediately." Ezra says, as the clearly very green or "Shiny" guard pries off his hand.

"Oh… Wow… That's…." The guard promptly faints at the sight of the wound. Ezra facepalms.

"Well, I guess we will be using that stretcher." He sighs, looking down at the wound. He grabs the guard's comm. "Yeah, you may need to bring a second stretcher…" He calls, looking at the depth and length of the wound and thinking, _Yeah, don't want to break the cauterization._

It takes five minutes for the only biological medic, Marian Trop, a human with a short brown bob, and six guards to arrive with two stretchers. They quickly attach both to the stretchers, with a laugh at the poor guard who passed out.

It takes them twenty minutes to get to Medical Wing. The medic examines his wound the entire time. "It is deep enough to have hit your liver." Marian says. "Well, need to clean it before we close it which is going to need more than a few internal stitches, however, I am concerned about breaking the cauterization."

"I am going under, aren't I Doc?" Ezra shakes his head.

"Unfortunately, I do see that as the best option." Marian nods.

"Pass me a com." Ezra says. Marian passes him one. "Skywalker," He comms.

"Yeah," The master answers, to the sound of wailing in the background. "Sorry, she just started crying and I have no idea what to do."

Ezra pauses and listens to her cry. It is a very familiar one. "That's her 'I want someone' cry. Try various toy's in the bag, each represents someone to her and can stand in for them for a while."

"Thanks." Luke says, "You okay? I heard a call for an injured Jedi and with three trained Jedi…"

"I… It's not bad but I am going need surgery to close the wound. Please keep her safe until I am back in the land of the live." Ezra says.

"Of course." Luke says. "Looks like I'll be teaching doubles tomorrow…"

"Triples. In other words, everyone. See ya when I get out." Ezra says. "May the Force be with you."

"May the Force be with you." Luke says back worried for his friend and one of a few remaining Jedi.

They get to the Medical Wing shortly after that. The droids and Marian buzz around him like bees, one even stings him with an IV. Finally, the world starts to fade after one adds something to his IV. _One… Two… Three… Fou…_

Dark swarms around Ezra. Time doesn't matter. He knows it is passing, but Faster than normal.

Finally, after what feels like thirty minutes, but was longer than that he pulls out and back in a brightly lit room. Marian is fussing over the vitals displayed on some machine. "What's the prognosis, Doc?" Ezra whispers, hoarsely.

"At least a week of bed rest and no strenuous activity for a while." She turns to him. "You nearly bled out on the operating table and had to have thirty three external stitches."

"Don't worry. I don't feel like getting up." He jokes.

"You say that now." Marian rolls her eyes. "Just know I will have the guards stun your ass and drag you back here while I cackle maniacally, if and when you try to escape."

"We aren't that bad." Ezra protest weekly. Ezra looks at the clock. _First period is done… Though right now all three classes are combined… Poor Luke… Thirty-six kids from five to seventeen…_

"Don't even think about it." Marian orders getting up. "My office is right outside. And I would strongly advise against crawling through dust covered vents when you're on antibiotics."

"I know, I know. I lived on the street for eight years. I had to deal with thinking like that for years." Ezra sighs. "Can someone get me my datapad? I want to prep some future lessons."

"Sure, I'll see if Luke can spare a student." Marian nods. Ezra slips into a meditative state to pass the time. A knock comes from the door. Ezra blinks away the meditation. "Hello Addy." Ezra smiles at the seven year old. "How's your little sister?"

"She's good, Master. She is going to start preschool next month." Addy says. "Um... are you alright?"

"Oh yes," Ezra reassures. "I'll be back to teaching in like week, so don't forget about your homework."

"Yes, Master." Addy smiles, shifting the Data pad in her hand, before remembering it's there. "Right, here you go, Master." She rushes over and crawls onto the bed and hands him the datapad.

Ezra ruffles her hair, "Thank you, Young One. Now, back to class with you. Yes, I am fine. Go on."

"Yes Master." The girl says cheerfully and dashing out the door.

Ezra smiles, looking down at the datapads. _These kids are amazing,_ Ezra thinks as he turns on the datapad.

He begins prepping the slides for his lecture on the Force Visions that was schedule for the day after tomorrow after lessons finished.

As he finishes typing, _Should We Listen?,_ the title of his conclusion slides, a loud bang come from the door. Ezra's head snaps up. Kanan is trying to rush in, though failing due to not letting the door open all the way. "Hi?" Ezra says, a chuckle on his breath.

Kanan sighs in relief, letting the door open. He and Hera, with Asha in her arms, stream in. Asha reaches out towards Ezra with her tooka in her hand, far more desperately than normal and looking on the edge of tears. Ezra sets down his datapad and holds out his arms. "What happened?" Hera demands not handing over her baby until she knew her baby would accidentally hurt her injured baby. "We come back. Try and find you in your class room to take Asha, only to find Luke trying to teach triples in the courtyard while calming a shirking Asha shoving her tooka in his face." Asha burst into tears and began wailing, calling Hera's attention. "Sh… Hush…" Hera starts bouncing her. Asha waves her tooka again. _Tooka? But that's… She's been worried about me all this time?_ Ezra thinks as he sends calming waves to the child. Asha calms almost immediately but still looks huffy.

"What happened? Are you okay?" Kanan asks.

"I had a bad feeling last night." Ezra says. Kanan and Hera pale at hearing that. _A bad feeling for me is never just a bad feeling. Why did I have to be the most prophetic of the three of us?_ Ezra sighs. "Took Asha to Luke and went to investigate…" Ezra pauses.

"What is it?" Kanan gently puts his hand on his shoulder.

Ezra sighs, "Maul." Kanan tenses as Hera hugs Asha closer to her. It is only then reality hits Ezra, _Maul had found the Jedi temple… Did that mean the remains of the Empire wouldn't be far behind? Would they need to up root everyone? All the students? All their families? The Church of the Force? The temple town has a hundred and fifty three inhabitance. Are they all going to have to move?_

"Are you alright?" Kanan asks.

"Yeah, he just nicked me in the side while he was fleeing." Ezra reassures.

"If it were a nick, Luke wouldn't be teaching triples." Hera says, knowing Ezra.

Ezra begins trying to explain. "It was a little deep and a little long and with the blood lose during surgery-"

"Surgery!" Both Kanan and Hera shout as the start.

"Just to close and clean the wound. It was just thirty some odd stitches and I am going to stop talking now." Ezra decides as he sees their faces.

"Why is he back?" Hera asks worried.

"He said he was looking for an apprentice…" Ezra answers, looking at Asha.

Kanan feels his brother's anxiety. "Ezra?"

Hera follows his eyes. What Ezra said click in her eyes. Hera gasps follows almost immediately as she cradles Asha closer. The thought hits Kanan at the same moment. He wraps his arms around his wife and child.

Ezra looks over the family, "He won't get her. I promise… I promise…"

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	2. Chapter 2:Begin to Live

**Two words: Click Bait. That is what that summary is. Heck, the very idea is click bait. Which is why I couldn't stop writing it. Clearly, the contents held up for that very warm release. Thank you all. I have never had a story that warmly received. Over 230 views in two weeks. 10 favorites, 11 follows, and 7 reviews. I was joking when I said "breaks the site." Seriously, you guys are so awesome! Now time for the disclaimer. I've taken enough of your time. I DO NOT OWN STAR WARS REBELS! GIVE IT UP FOR THE GREATEST MOUSE EVER! I apologize for errors delays and long-winded authors notes.**

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Ezra rolls over in bed, carefully hiding his smirk. _She really thinks she can sneak up on me?_ He thinks, holding back a chuckle. She tiptoes slowly to the edge of the bed. Just as she uses the Force to jump onto the bed, Ezra bounds up, catching her mid-flight. "Uncle Ezra!" The young half-Twi'lek squeals in delight.

Ezra collapses down on his bed and starts tickling his niece. "Uncle!" Asha squeals, squirming away. In the tussel, Asha kneels him in the gut. Ezra groans as Asha scampers off. "So… What are you doing up so early?" Ezra says, teasing laces his voice.

"Uncle Ezra! It's my birthday!" Asha says, loudly.

"No…" Ezra says, faking shock. He gets up and grabs a short sleeve shirt and shoves it on.

"Yes! Remember! You came home from your mission to celebrate it!" Asha smiles.

"I did, did I?" Ezra touches the small tuff of hair on his chin as if wondering. "Here I thought, I came back because Master Skywalker complained about twenty students to a class in the introductory classes." He smirks as Asha misses the hint.

"No! You came back last night for my birthday, like you do every year." Asha smiles. Ezra's heart clenches, _Over eight years of leaving for months at a time to search for Maul, and nothing to show for it. All leads are dead, though… She's going to be ecstatic. And so are Kanan and Hera…_

"Then, how old are you today?" Ezra asks.

"Nine!" Asha smiles, holding up nine fingers.

"Wow! Practically grown up." Ezra smiles. "As it so happens, I found a small something yesterday marked 'Birthday Girl'. Now, where did I put it?" Ezra pretends to look around. He looks over his dresser and lifts up a box for show. "Maybe out in the living room…" Asha rushes out to the living room with Ezra following.

Asha see a pink envelope with 'Birthday Girl' written in her uncle's messy handwriting leaning against an empty jar. "There!" Asha points. Ezra reaches out and picks it up. "There it is." He hands it to her hand.

Asha rips it open. The card has the princess with impossibly long hair escaping her tower and says 'Every girl is a princess on there Birthday…' Asha opens the card. Her eyes widen as she sees a silver star necklace. "Pretty!" Asha smiles.

Ezra chuckles, taking the necklace and fastening the clasps of the necklace behind her neck. "What does it say?"

Asha reads it aloud. "And… P…Pr…Princesses don't need saving. Happy Bir… Birth…day, Your H…ighness. Happ…y Birth…day, Asha. I look forw…forward to see…ing you in clas-" Asha stops abruptly, breaking out into the biggest smile Ezra has ever seen. _Have I really been gone that much?_ "Really?" Asha says, happily. Ezra nods. Asha flings her arms around Ezra, squealing.

"I told you she was here." Kanan says, entering the apartment.

"I should know better than to bet against a Jedi when finding someone by now." Hera says, following her husband. Ezra doesn't even need to make eye contact to know she is rolling her eyes.

"That had nothing to with being a Jedi. I just know my daughter." Kanan says. _I can practically hear the eye roll- It's amazing how many thing get you thinking about eyes…_ Ezra blanches, as guilt fills him. He shakes it off. _I can feel less guilty for one day, right? … It's because of me Kanan can't see his daughter grow up. Kriff it!_

"Mommy! Daddy! Uncle Ezra's staying." She runs to them, waving the card in the air. "And he's going to be teaching my class when we shuffle classes next week!"

"Really?" Kanan's eyebrows shoot up, as a grin spreads across Hera's face.

Ezra nods, "Figured it's time to get off my lazy butt and help the Order."

"Yeah, sure." Kanan says, knowing there is more to it than that. "Anyway, Asha, someone is missing her Birthday breakfast."

"Chocolate chip pancakes?" Asha says, eyes widen. Ezra can already tell her mouth is watering.

"Maybe." Kanan smirks. Asha squeals as she drags her mother out of the room. "What happened?" Kanan asks.

"The Knights of Ren are growing more powerful. From what I could find out they still don't know where the Temple is. But we need to be prepared. We need all hands on deck. And… I've run out of leads on Maul. Nothing to make me leave, every reason to stay." Ezra sits down on his couch. Kanan sits down next to him, putting a hand on his shoulder.

"Thank you for everything. I know it's been hard for you." Kanan says.

Ezra shakes his head. "I am just doing what I should do… What I should have done from the beginning. I… I am sorry for everything I did-" He was cut off Kanan wrapping his arms around him and pulling him against his chest, like he has done since Ezra was his padawan and needed comfort.

"Ezra, I don't blame you for what happened. So please stop. Stop drowning in this guilt." Kanan sighs, pain for his brother etched into his voice. "Release these feeling into the Force."

Ezra chuckles, weakly, "I do so everyday. It grows back each and everyday. I think this guilt is just another price to pay for falling to the Dark Side… Once down the dark side you start down, forever dominate your fate it will…"

"Ezra… I can't stop you from feeling guilt from falling to the dark side but please stop blaming yourself for my blindness. It was never your fault. I don't blame you. I never blamed you. I've adjusted, Kid. You don't need to keep apologizing." Kanan feels Ezra's shoulder shake and there is a wetness seeping into his robes. Kanan starts, rubbing Ezra's back as he cries.

Ezra, eventually, pulls away, neither healed nor healing the pain he feels. It is always there and Ezra knows it will always be there, should always be there. "I… Class is probably going to start soon…"

"I want to make sure my first student is alright before I go anywhere." Kanan pats his back.

"Yeah well, Leia and Han are apparently visiting today and Luke's asked me to sub. So, I need to get ready." Ezra smiles, getting up. "I'm fine. Go be with your daughter. I'll pop by and walk with you guys to the classrooms."

"Alright. If your sure." Kanan gets up and head to the door. "It's good to have you back." He leaves with the door closing behind him.

"Good to be back." Ezra admits, aloud, turning back to his bedroom door. He goes to his closet and pulls out a pair of dark grey pants and a traditional black Jedi robes. An old musty smell comes off the clothes. _It really has been a long time since I was here last._ Ezra thinks, shedding his sweatpants and putting his normal pants on. _I am probably going to have to wash all my clothes again._

He ties off his robes and wraps an orange belt around his waist. Ezra checks the clocks and realizes he's running late. He rushes through the motions to get ready.

He arrives just in time for Kanan and Asha to leave.

"Uncle Ezra!" Asha runs up to him. "Piggy backride!"

One look he at her puppy dog eyes and Ezra caves. "Fine." He kneels down.

"Asha, don't hurt your uncle." Kanan says, hearing Ezra grunting while standing.

"I'm good." Ezra smiles, reassuringly. Kanan smirks, shacking his head and picking up Asha's school bag a tossing it over his shoulder. They walk through the halls, Asha chirping in Ezra's ear.

"And then Ka'un snor…ted… mil…" Asha's voice trails off. Ezra stops, looking over his shoulder. Asha is staring out the window. Ezra pauses looking through the window.

"Hey, Han and Leia are here." Ezra spots a little boy with dark brown hair. "Oh, they brought Ben."

"Ben?" Asha asks.

"Luke's nephew." Ezra explains.

"Luke mentioned Ben was going to start studying here." Kanan winces. "Didn't know he arrived today."

"Good time to start, with the school term ending in a week." Ezra notes.

"HEY!" Asha shouts out the window. "BEN!" The little boy jumps and starts looking around. Ezra vary nearly dropped her because of her squirming. "UP HERE!" Ben looks up at the window. "HI! WELCOME TO THE TEMPLE!"

Luke chuckles, then calls back, "Aren't you three suppose to be in class?"

"WE ARE ON OUR WAY!" Asha shouts back. "SEE YOU AROUND, BEN!"

Ben nods, looking like a deer in the headlights, but after a moment shouts, "See You Around!"

Ezra chuckles, leaving because they'd be late if the didn't leave now. "Looks like you made a new friend."

A few hallways later they arrive at the classrooms. Kanan leans over and kisses his daughter. She hugs him back, slipping off Ezra's back. "Can Ben come to my birthday party? If he wants, too. I mean he is new and-" Asha asks.

"I'll invite him and his family." Kanan smiles, at his daughter. "See you after class."

"See you, Daddy." Asha smiles, taking Ezra's hand. The two head into their classroom.

Asha goes to her seat. Ezra smiles, as he starts to teach. "Hey Everyone." The class progresses smoothly, with all the children actively entertained. During the thirty-minute recess through the first block, half the kids stayed in and listen to Ezra's stories about when he lived on the _Ghost_ and the days of the Rebellion. After break, Introductory Force technique continued until noon, when they broke for lunch.

Ezra spens his lunch going over Luke's notes on his Intermediate Force Class and Lightsaber Technique Class. He smiles when he sees Addy had decided to continue on the Jedi curriculum. Only about twenty students, total, are furthering on their training to become Jedi, due to a mix of a student's desire and skills and a teacher's ability to teach multiple students. Hopefully, a few more would be able enter the padawan class this year, with him taking some of the burden off Kanan and Luke in teaching the younger students now. _I should have put the search for Maul to an end a long time ago._ Ezra sighs, looking at Luke's ten padawans.

Ezra senses a few of the fifteen students of Intermediate Force Technique, all Luke's padawans and a few students who moved to regular school but wished to continue there studies in the Force, come in.

"Master Bridger?" Addy's voice asks, curiously.

Ezra smiles, "Afternoon. Master Skywalker is catching up with his family. So, you're stuck with me. We'll get started once the remaining students arrive." They went over theory for the first hour before moving to practice for the next. Ezra, then, assigned them the assigned an essay(which was met with a groan to which he added it would be good practice for the end of term exams, earning more groans) and the non-padawans left. The padawans were already moving the desks against the wall as they normally did. "Alright, turn your lightsabers to practice mode or grab a training saber. Let's work off some end of term stress with some sparring. Doesn't that sound nice?" He ends with his trademark sarcasm.

"It would if we weren't being tested on that, too." A male thirteen-year-old torguta, Torun, says, feeling particularly bold, knowing from previous experience Ezra was a bit more relaxed with how students addressed him than the other teachers.

Ezra let out a laugh, stepping into the center of the room. The rest of the padawans groans. Torun, who was finishing his first term as a padawan, looks around utterly confused. "Thank you for volunteering, Padawan Torun. Let's begin." Torun looks peeved at himself, steps into the middle, igniting his training saber. Ezra doesn't, instead crossing his arms

Torun looks confused, "Start?"

"We already have begun." Ezra says.

"Don't look a gift ton-ton in the mouth!" Addy says, loudly. Torun looks at her confused, but then is somehow looking at the ceiling on his back his training saber at his neck.

"Never let your guard down around an opponent. You've been studying the basics of lightsaber combat for seven years. You should know this." Ezra scolds. He holds out his hand, helping Torun up.

"Yes, Master." Torun grunts.

"Addy, since you are so eager to get in the ring, you're next. Everyone else, line up." Ezra looks around the room.

The next two hours is spent sparring, correcting, and making minor fools of the padawans. Though, it was all in good fun and all the padawans made sure of it. Ezra may have the best sense of humor of the masters but he also had the least patience for pettiness and anything close to bullying.

Finally, classes ended. "Alright, remember to watch the recording of Anakin Skywalker's Advanced Saber Form Modified, 4 through…" Ezra checks Luke's notes, as the kids file out. "9. Those should help in improving the forms your…" The room is empty. "Exam…" Ezra shakes his head fondly, putting away the datapads away.

He heads back to his apartment and takes a quick shower. After changing into a new set of robes, he walks out to the courtyard. Children laugh and play ball or tag or hide and seek. A few twelve and thirteen year olds manage to peel themselves away from the archives for a little fresh air, though not from studying for their padawan trials as most were reading or quizzing one another. A few padawans were meditating on the fresh summer grass. A few regular students, marked by their civilian clothes, read on the grass. It was one of those days that drags people out even with exams looming. Ezra walks over to an old tree and kneels down.

As he begins to meditate, he is interrupted by a shy presence and then by a voice.

"Master Bridger?" A timid voice asks.

Ezra opens his eyes to see a twelve-year-old Sullustan boy. "Yes, Zal?"

"I was just wondering if you could possibly-If it's not to much trouble- explain this passage for me, I am having a bit of challenge understanding it." Zal asks, kneeling down.

"Sure," Ezra smiles, taking the datapad. As he reads further down, he pauses, incredibly surprised. "Zal, this is something… you don't have to study this. Only senior padawan have to study this."

"But what if it is on the padawan test?" Zal asks, worry thick in his voice.

"It won't be. And if it is, it won't be judged on accuracy. There are more important things than these tests." Ezra shakes his head, "There'll be more important tests than we can give you." Ezra smiles, putting a hand on Zal's shoulder.

"I just want to be a Jedi so badly…" Zal admits with a sigh. "I'm just not good a Force theory… Or sparring… Or anything…" Ezra sighs, seeing his younger self's own doubts reflected in the boy. The same doubts that Maul played on that day on Malachor. To have someone out right state they believed in him, when he was blind to it in Kanan's eyes and mistook his worry for doubt… It had been so seductive that it blinded him to the truth.

Ezra banishes the memories with a breath.

"Why must you be a Jedi?" Ezra asks, as Master Yoda asked him so long ago.

"My grandpa would always go on about how a Jedi saved his life in the Clone Wars…"

"So, you're living in the past?" Ezra clarifies, careful to hold away all judgement. _It isn't his place to judge a student._ The truth echoes so thoroughly through him that it doesn't even register in his consciousness.

"No! Had that Jedi not save my grandpa's life, none of my family would exist. If… I just want to protect people now and future people who haven't been born." Zal says, looking away.

Ezra smiles not the best answer, in fact there are many problems with it. But, a good one nonetheless. And those problems will be Zal's to bear should he become a Jedi. "I think, you'll do fine. And I know you will do you best and that's the best you can do. Now, before you go crazy, I would advise going to play."

"Thank you, Master." Zal smiles brightly. Ezra nods, closing his eyes.  
"Master?" Another voice asks only a few moments later.

"Good afternoon, Maio" Ezra says, opening his eyes. "What can I help you with?" Within ten minutes, he is surrounded by padawans, some Luke's, some Kanan's, and by students who are going on to face their padawan trials next week. He answers their questions with patience and confidence.

Ezra smiles as he senses a gentle and shy presence behind a nearby tree. He holds out his hand, stopping all questions. Ezra stands and walks over to the tree.

He looks behind the tree. Ezra crouches down and smiles gently, "Hey, Ben. Would you like to come join our little study group?" Ben looks up hesitantly, but nods. Ezra takes his hand and leads him into the circle. "Everyone, this is Ben. He is new here. Please, look after him." Ezra says, with a smile.

Ben sits down in front after being met with several friendly greetings. "Hi…" He returns, quietly.

The questions continued on and on. Ben even got in a few good questions, giving all the students a chance to review their basics. After a history-based question, posed by Ben, Zal bites his lip, confusion etched on his brow.

"Yes, Zal?" Ezra prompts.

"I just don't understand. If they know how dangerous the Dark Side is, why would anyone go anywhere near it?" Zal says, more admission than expecting an answer.

Ezra is quiet a long time, his eyes closed. The students continue asking questions, but Ezra doesn't hear them. He is too lost in thought. The students answer their own questions until Ezra interrupts them, "Zal. I cannot answer your question for everyone, as everyone is different and the Dark Side whispers to him or her differently. However, when you start down the path to the Dark Side, it doesn't seem like you can't go back. In fact, all people, Jedi or not, have had brushes with the Dark Side. It's the part of you that act selfishly. It pulls on you, whispering promises of what you desire most, fame, glory, the safety of a family member or loved one, equality for all."

"But some of those are good things." Ben protests, in shock.

"Yes, they are. But, it does not matter to the Dark Side. When you use it for anything, you feel more powerful, more able to get what you want. It draws you farther and father, until it surrounds and engulfs you. It isolates you from those who can support and reason with you. In the end, you know what you've done but you can't recognize it as wrong. All there is, is power.

"And your reason for your fall, it doesn't matter. There is only power. And there is no way to tell where that point is. That is what makes the Dark Side so dangerous. Worse, all those things you've rest on the boundary between Light and Dark. Before you can return to the Light, you have to face everything you've done. And you will do awful things. Since most people drawn to the Dark are emotionally weaker, it is exceedingly difficult for them to face it. That is why it is so rare for those who have fallen to return to the Light." Ezra explains, trying to distance himself mentally from the pain.

The children don't notice, even the older once. They are too innocent, hold to much respect, to see the implication in his eyes.

Ezra sees the sun has begun to set, "Alright, time to head home."

"Ah.. but…" The students groan.

"Homework." Ezra deadpans, earning more groans but they get up and leave after another chorus of goodbyes.

Only Ben is left, "Umm… I got invited to Miss Sydulla-Jarrus's birthday party. I was wondering if you could show me where Master Jarrus's apartment is?"

Ezra smiles holding out his hand, "Sure, I am going to it as well." Ben takes his hand. Ezra senses confusion and comfort rolling off Ben. They round a corner, nearly running into Leia and Han. "There you are." Leia says, shaking her head.

"Hi Mom," Ben smiles, sheepishly.

"Leia, Han," Ezra greets.

"Good to see you, again, Ezra." Leia smiles.

"Keeping the kid out of trouble?" Han asks.

"Ben was perfectly behaved." Ezra rolls his eyes.

"I was talking about Luke." Han says. Leia smacks his shoulder.

"I'm not a miracle worker. I have enough problems keeping myself out of trouble." Ezra raises an eyebrow. Leia rubs her temple.

"So, you'r actually stayin out of trouble, kid. Miracles can happen." A familiar gruff voice comes from behind.

"Zeb," Ezra smiles as turns to see his old friend and brother, as Zeb hits his shoulder. "I thought you weren't going to be able to make it with that crud the First Order is trying to pull in... the Dantoonie system?"

"Tatoonie." Both Leia and Zeb correct, looking in dire need of an asprin.

But Zeb shrugs it off, "That's not goin' to stop me from seeing my niece on her Birthday." Zeb ruffles Ezra's head, as Ezra tries to hit his arm away with a smile.

"Senator Orrellios." Leia greets, with a smile, as Zeb was one of her increasingly few allies in the senate

"Senator Organa." Zeb greets.

"Not that this isn't sweet. But if we don't move we will miss the party." Han interrupts, gesturing down the hall.

The group proceeds to continue down the halls. Leia goes to knock, but Ezra just opens the door.

"Uncle Zeb!" Asha launches herself at the lasat, using the couch as a trampoline.

"Woah, that was impressive." Zeb comments, after catching her.

"She is quite gifted at the Force jump. Takes after her uncle in that regard." Kanan says, getting up from the couch.

"No, kidding she nearly took me out with that move when I arrived." Sabine looks over the kitchen counter were she was helping Hera make dinner.

"Hey Sabine, how've you been?" Ezra smiles, at his sister-figure, happily. He rarely saw Zeb and Sabine now a days. It is nice…

A knock came from the door. Luke stood in the doorway with a smile. "Master Skywalker! How are you?" Asha smiles. "Come on! Dinner is almost ready!"

"Thank you for inviting me, young lady." Luke smiles at the little girl, who giggles.

"Yep, dinner's ready. Someone start handing out the paper plates." Hera orders.

"Yes, Ma'am." Ezra smiles, going into the kitchen and pulling out plates. Soon food was passed around and laughs were shared, stories told.

"Hey, Uncle Ezra?" Asha asks, after Zeb tells a particularly funny story about him and Ezra stealing a Tie.

"Yes, Little Lady." Ezra wipes laughter tears from his eyes.

"Um… I was wondering… Where you got that scar on your side? And I'm not the only one. I asked around. There are a million and one rumor about how you got it. From training accident to getting shout by a tie." Asha starts to ramble.

Ezra, however, is frozen as all the memories come over him at once. _Maul... His threat to Asha… Kanan's eyes…. They're all his fault…_ Ezra breathes, chasing away the thoughts and setting down his food. He isn't hungry anymore. "There was a security breach at the temple… You were too young to remember it. I was careless and got hit pretty badly. No much to tell. Sorry, I can give you any amazing story about dashing rescues or anything."

Asha puts down her food on the floor then walks over to Ezra. She flings her arms around him. "I'm just happy you're here."

"Thank you, little one." Ezra hugs her back. Kanan leans over to his wife and whispers, "You are recording this, right?"

Hera looks up from her camera. "Got everything, Love."

Food quickly vanishes as dinner winds down. "I'll do the dishes" Ezra volunteers, earning a few chuckles as empty paper plates are handed his way

"Easy kid. You're going to make me look bad. My lovely wife might expect me to do the dishes here soon" Han jokes.

"Speaking of ladies. With Luke and Mara engaged, you're the only single Jedi left." Zeb teases. Luke flushes with the mention of his upcoming marriage. "Any lady catching your eye?"

Ezra's mental shields are up in under a second as the pain of the question hits him full force. Kanan raises his eyebrow as he clearly senses the raising of the shields, but nothing more as far as Ezra can tell. No one else senses anything. "Nah, marriage and kids are for older people." Ezra joke, shoving paper plates into the trash can. No one sees his pain. He is too good, too used to hiding it, for them to see his pain on this particular issue.

"Oh, so now I'm old." Leia says in a rye tone.

"Maybe." Ezra says in a playful tone.

"Oh thanks." Leia rolls her eyes in an equally playful tone, earning a laugh from everyone. Especially when Ben sits up and defends her, "Mom's not that old."

Cake was cut and presents given. Asha almost says something when Ezra hands her a squishy thing wrapped in brown packaging, which turns out to be a very cute stuffed version of a plushy robot from her favorite movie, but a look from Ezra silences her. Their little secret. Ezra can spoil his niece. Not long after that Ben and Asha fall asleep on the couch next each other.

After about fifty holos each by their mothers, they gently wake the two. Leia, Han, Ben and Luke all take their leave. "Come on Birthday Girl. Time for bed." Kanan says. Asha groans, but is too tired to protest.

"I got it." Ezra says, scooping up the girl. "Stay and catch up. Zeb and Sabine have to leave soon." Ezra takes her to the bathroom and has her brush her teeth while he grabs her pjs. "Be sure to get the backs." Ezra reminds her as he sets her pjs on the counter, eliciting a groan. She finishes her nightly routine and Ezra scoops her off to bed. He tucks her beneath he colorful flower bedspread and mountain of stuffed animals, including her new one and ratty old tooka doll was Ezra's first gift to her. Ezra spots a glint of a necklace around her neck. "Asha, you're going to have to take your necklace off."

"But I don't want to…" Asha whines.

"I know, but it is dangerous to sleep with a necklace on. It could wrap too tightly around neck and… hurt you." Ezra implores her.

"Alright," Asha sits up. Yes, she has Ezra wrapped around her finger. But she craves his praise and his attention just as much. She knows that that is un-Jedi-like and immature, but she does her best to use it to improve herself so, maybe someday, she'll be half the Jedi her father and uncle are. That is her dream. And she will achieve it on her own merit.

Ezra removes the necklace and sets it on her night stand. "Good night, young one." Ezra kisses her forehead. She is already asleep. "It seems you broke your promise…" Ezra whispers. "You're growing up too fast." Ezra slowly creeps out, shutting the door behind.

Everyone is laughing at some story Sabine is telling. They stay and laugh for another hour, but eventually they must leave. Kanan volunteers to stay with Asha, while Hera and Ezra walk Zeb and Sabine to their ships. The four laugh and talk all the way to the hanger bay.

"Take care of yourself, kid." Zeb slaps Ezra on the back.

"Zeb, I am thirty-six years old. I have been a kid by the loosest of definitions for thirteen years and twenty-two in some of the strictest." Ezra rolls his eyes, but smiles.

"I don't care if you live to be older than Yoda. You'll always be 'Kid' to me." Zeb smirks fondly.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah." Ezra shakes his head, but smiles none the less.

"You'd better stay out of trouble. I don't want to have to give you another cranial realignment." Sabine punches his shoulder. Ezra rolls his eyes. Sabine leans forward and hugs him. "And try to forgive yourself. If anyone deserves happiness, it's you."

"I'll try…" Ezra says. Hera narrows her eyes, knowing the nuance well.

"I suppose that's all I can ask." Sabine smiles.

"Be sure to come back soon. Both of you." Ezra says.

"Hey, not our fault you can be gone from the temple half a year at a time on the drop of a hat. Kinda makes visiting hard." Sabine snaps playfully back.

"Well, that's not going to be happening anytime soon so you don't have that excuse to use." Ezra smiles.

"Seriously?" Zeb asks, surprised. Ezra nods. "Well then, we'll see you soon."

"Better believe it." Sabine smiles. The two get on their ships and leave.

"Try?" Hera asks. Ezra doesn't answer. "Please, forgive yourself, you fell, yes, but you returned to the Light. And you've done so much good since then."

"It will never be enough. Not to atone for the lives I have taken. Nothing can ever make things right." Ezra sighs.

Hera sighs, "Then, use the experience to help prevent others from sharing the same fate. Then, their death will not be in vain."

"I am unworthy to teach the next generation after what I have done."

"Is that why you've been hesitant to take a padawan class?" Hera asks. Ezra doesn't answer. He doesn't need to. Hera has known him too long. Hera sighs. "Ezra, a master who has not faced temptation cannot teach, for they do not know the challenges their students will face." She turns his head to face hers. "And it is for that reason, that I don't think anyone will be able to guide the next generation as well as you can." Ezra shakes his head. "I heard you today."

Ezra looks up at her.

"In the garden. That was some grade A teaching if I have ever heard any." Hera smiles.

"I was just honest." Ezra says.

"Just think about it." Hera puts a hand on his shoulder. It is so easy to forget, sometimes, that he is no longer the child on her ship all those years ago. Maybe it is because he was barely any taller than he was back then. Or maybe it is, that for all he has been through and his self-hate, he still retains a youthful wonder.

"I will…" Ezra promises. "See you tomorrow."

"See you tomorrow." Hera says.

Ezra begins walking through the darkened halls, moonlight cascading in through the windows. For whatever reason, what Hera says won't leave his mind. The Force hums with approval. But could he?

"So, was I not to be alerted of your return? Am I that low on your priority list?" A voice interrupts his thoughts. Ezra turns to the very familiar feminine voice.

As he sees her, in the moonlight, he takes extra care to control his breathing. Her warm coffee skin matches the chocolate of her eyes. Her waste length wavy dark brown hair is tied up in that strange hairdo that allows her to have her hair in a parshel ponytail on the top of her head and a center part. The only jewelry on her is a string of beads attached to her hair and falling across her forehead, placing a teardrop jewel on the center of her head. A crown. Her clothes reflect her status as not a Jedi, but working close with them, as they are dark browns and reds in a style similar to Jedi robes, with the main difference being an A-line skirt that stops at the knee and a far widen cloth belt.

"Of course not, Your Highness." Ezra bows, respectfully. His voice is restrained and distant but not at all cold. Just how he'd like to keep his relationship with Princess Isolda Ayodele Eydis Elizabeta of the House of Afolyan, Crown Princess of Valenci.

"We are back to that I see," Isolda takes a step closer to him, rolling her eyes. "Rather pointlessly I might add. I am as much a princess as you are a street rat, Master Jedi." She refers to him by the title he hate as he referred to he by the title she hates, as it has been since they met when Isolda came at the age of eighteen to study her abilities and gain knowledge shortly after the founding of the temple nine years ago. Her duties as a princess kept her from becoming a Jedi, her father having no desire for her to become a Jedi, instead just wishing for her to control her abilities. Since his death, as awful as it was, she has been able to spend most of her time at the temple blazing a new path, her own path.

"You are still the crown princess to the throne of Valenci, Princess Isolda." Ezra says, the forced distance becomes harder to maintain as she step around him.

"Only until my sister produces a child, then I will simply be Professor Afolyan of Diplomacy and History of the Force, Head of Research Division." Reseacher, such a similar role to the Jedi consoler of old. However, it could never exist previously. They are Force sensitive that, while not Jedi, seach the galaxy for lost information on the Force. Being the first in this division had earned Isolda a place on the Council, the governing body of the temple and the town surrounding it. It is made up of three Jedi, three towns folk, three leaders in the Church of the Force and two members of the Research Cmmittee. Perhaps the Research division will some day become one with Jedi, perhaps not.

Isolda takes another step closer to Ezra. Ezra knows he should step away, not get too close but he doesn't. Looking into those brown eyes of hers, freezes him in place. And more importantly, as awful as it is, he doesn't want to move away. "Professor, you know I am your college and, I'd like to think, friend. I will aid you in whatever way I can." He pushes the formalness into his voice, knowing it is failing. He can't look away.

"Ezra, stop. I'll admit I am impressed you can act like this. Your control is incredible. However, I survived the first eighteen years of my life under the watchful eyes of a court with far to much time on its hands. I had to be able to read people. You remarked on my abilities the first time we met, if I recall correctly. We've been dancing around this for years. Please, can we stop this pretending?"

Ezra brushes his knuckles against her cheek. She leans into it, a rare lowering of Ezra's barriers. "Isolda… I can't…"

"Because you fell." Isolda says, leaning against his chest.

"In part…" Ezra admits. He sees how Isolda interacts with kids. _She'll want kids, eventually. And that is something I can't give._ Ezra closes his eyes, wrapping his arms around her. _I can pretend for a little while, can't I?_

"I love you… And I know you love me, too." Isolda says, resting her head on his shoulder. "I see it in the way your eyes follow me. I hear it when your voice inclines when you try and get me to laugh. I sense it through the Force every moment of every day. So please, stop torturing yourself… You may have fallen but you got back up… Ezra, you are so strong. You recognize that strength in Anakin Skywalker. Why can't you recognize it in yourself?"

"Isolda, I've killed people. I see their faces every time I close my eyes. I…" Ezra shakes his head as a tremor runs through his body.

Isolda huffs, pulling back just enough to see his eyes. "Why do I love you, again? You are such an idiot."

"I don't know. I ask myself that everyday. Normally, right after I wonder how my family forgave me, which usually following the faces I kill."

Isolda smacks his arm, "Ezra, you shouldn't forget them. I can agree with that. But you shouldn't dwell on it. Move forward. Focus on the good you can do. The good you have done."

"Come on. Testing begins tomorrow for the older padawans. And then we are doing reviews for the younger." Ezra says, with a sigh.

"Mind if I stay the night?" Isolda asks, taking his hand and smiling gently, treasuring the time she got with him. Isolda just doesn't want to let go, knowing he will more than likely go back to ignoring his feelings tomorrow.

Ezra nods, "Please, I… I don't want to be alone… Ever…"

Isolda leans up and kisses him, chastely. "Then, don't."

* * *

 **If you need some fluff after this chapter, go check out one-shot, A Talent to Connect. If you like this story and haven't read anything else by, go check out Ner Vod and The Transmission. Shameless plug is shameless. But, really, I want to hear what you all think of my work so I can improve.**

 **Thank You Time! Thank you Amelia dragneel15 for favoriting and following.**

 **Thank you cassturn93 for following, favoriting, and reviewing. A clap and a half for you(Another if you get that reference). Thank you Jedi Jelsa777 for following, favoriting and reviewing. Glad to see you liked the story, too. Was this chapter worth the wait? Thank you, lamtuyetminh179 for favoriting, following and reviewing. Internet cookies for you. Thank you Paint the Fangirling UniWolf, for following, favoriting, and reviewing. *Says in a terrible British accent* Always a pleasure to hear from you, Friend. Always a pleasure. Ezra is actually more protective of Asha than her parents, in part because he blames himself for Maul being after her, though he is excellent at hiding it. Thank you SonYukiGoku'sSister for following, favoriting and reviewing. It's been a while.**

 **Thank you Kayla103849 for favoriting and following. Thank you Zehealingman for following and favoriting. Thank you Guest for reviewing. Thank you Fear14 for reviewing. Glad to surprise you. Thank you Jessie K.I for favoriting. Thank you SilversunnyD for favoriting. Thank you Miss Singing in the Rain for following. Thank you Kootenay for following.**


	3. Chapter 3: Trials and Tribulation

**RUHLSAR000 Here! How's it going? Bad news. While I will be able to update Ner Vod next week, I will be unable to update this story the following week as I am heading out of the country and will be gone for a while so updates will be unpredictable for seven weeks. Sorry. But anyway,** **I DO NOT OWN STAR WARS REBELS! HAIL THE MOUSE!** **I apologize for errors delays and longwinded author's notes.**

Ezra sighs. He needs to get up. He has a class of nervous initiates taking the padawan trails in three days, including his sudo- neice and nephew… But, all he can is stare at the plain silver band, much too small for him in his hand. Formless and painful thoughts form in head. _He is meant to suffer… It is his punishment…. Yet again, he dragged those he cared for into it…_ _Isolda…_ He fights back tears as his thoughts form into a solid mass. _Today's the day… There is no stopping it now… Why? Why did that transport have to crash? Why did her brother have to a selfish nerfherder? Why did Isolda's sister and nephew have to die in the crash? Isolda didn't even really care about her family. They were that Kriffing messed up… It isn't fair for her to suffer. For their mar…_

Ezra jumps as he feels a hand on his shoulder. He glances up. "Hey, Kanan…" Ezra says, weakly, pain and tears woven through his voice.

"What's wrong, kid?" Kanan asks, frowning in concern.

"Nothing…" Ezra says, weakly.

"Ezra-" Kanan cuts himself off as he puts his hand on the counter. "Ezra, what did I just put my hand in?"

"My dinner." Ezra sighs.

"It is 0700 hours." Kanan deadpans. Ezra doesn't respond. "You've been sitting here for over twelve hours?" Ezra looks down. "Please, Kid, I've known you since you were some punk kid trying to steal my crates. I know when something is wrong and you can tell me what's wrong. You know that." And when Ezra doesn't snip back they were his crates, Kanan knows something is very wrong.

Ezra looks up at the lantern hanging on the wall next to the counter. The red lantern he would hang in his bedroom window to tell Isolda that he was back, he was safe, and he was alone. She'd hang a blue one in her window if he was to come to her room. A red one, if she was coming. Either of them would hang a green one, if they are here but entertaining. His blue one and green one are hung around his apartment, along with her blue one and green one. However, there is only one red one in the apartment. Isolda took it with her, unable to part with it. Too many good memories were swept up in it.

Kanan's hand wraps around Ezra's shoulder, as he feels his former padawan's pain. Ezra just looks around his apartment as he sees the ghosts of his memories. _Isolda making kaff, radiant in their after glow. Isolda sneaking into his apartment in the days before he would even admit to himself their relationship, with an eye roll. Isolda dancing with him to soft music. Isolda not putting up with his guilty ridden conscious. Lifting her over the threshold six month ago in the middle of the night. For once, being unimaginably happy and then feeling that happiness whenever she is beside him._ He breaks.

Ezra curls into Kanan's chest, soaking his shoulder. And he confesses everything. That he and Isolda are in love. That the reason why he tried never to fall in love, to never sentence someone else to the same fate he suffered. How Isolda broke through, over years. How they nearly died in the collapsing temple on a mission to retrieve old holocroms six months ago. How they married in a mandolorian ceremony with the only witness being Chopper. And then the crash... Isolda had to become queen of her planet and needed to have children. She needed a husband that could give her children. And he couldn't… He never could… All because he was so stupid…

Kanan cradles Ezra, waiting for his tears to run out.

They don't.

And Ezra knows Kanan knows why. After all, what would he be without Hera?

Eventually, a timer goes off. Kanan jumps. Ezra looks up and pulls himself out of Kanan's arms. He stumbles over to the holonet and turns it on. A wedding is displayed. A royal wedding.

"What is this?" Kanan asks.

Isolda appears, the vision of an angel in white. Her veil surrounding her, as if a mystic cloud wraps around her. Kanan is clearly at a loss. "Why are you watching this?"

"Because she's feeling everything I am… And even if I can't be there by her side… I can be with her in spirit… That's the least I can do… I promise to give her strength when she was weak."

"But your weak right now…" Kanan says, sitting down beside him.

"If both you and Hera were weak, wouldn't you give her the remaining bit of strength she had?" Ezra asks.

"She'd fight it tooth and nail, but yeah." Kanan understands, but his voice is laced with concern for Ezra.

Ezra's eyes never leave the Queen. She is beautiful, but foreign looking, dressed in billowing silk skirts and lace covering her shoulders and arms. Ezra hasn't seen her in anything finer than good leather and soft but sturdy cloth since he went to discuss her admission into the Academy almost a decade and a half ago. _She had been so glad to get out of them. To get out of there…_ Ezra remembers. The vows are textbook traditional and annoyingly long. Fitting for an arranged marriage of a thirty-two year old monarch. Tears fall down his face, again. His knees are curled up against his chest, like when he first used the dark side almost thirty years ago.

"Kanan… This was supposed to start until after classes ended." Ezra says, wiping a tear away. Before Kanan can process that fact, a loud knock comes from the door. Kanan gets up and answers the door.

"Where have you been?" Ezra hears Hera shout from the door. Ezra sighs, getting up. Hera's shout freezes in her throat as she sees Ezra.

"Uncle Ezra!" Asha shouts, worried.

"Master Bridger!" Ben shouts, at the same time, just as worried. Luke, Sabine and Zeb are also there. _They arrived today?_ Ezra realizes. All of them look concerned.

"I'm surprised to see you two have come up for air." Ezra makes a weak joke, but his heart isn't in it.

"We were worried when neither of you showed up for class." Ben explains, pushing his big round glasses back onto the bridge of his nose.

"I apologize for worrying you, I was… distracted… And Master Jarrus was aiding me in sorting out my thoughts." Ezra reassures, or tries to.

"But you never miss class… And you look like you've crying?" Asha says, shaken. Ezra has always done his best to never cry in front of her and his students.

"I'm fine, really. You two, however, need to focus on your padawan trials if you want to be taken on as padawans. After all, only ten to twelve people will be admitted each year. At most."

"Ah…" Both Asha and Ben look at each other.

Ezra sees the cogs running through their heads. "I'm fine, really. Your concern is appreciated, however unneeded."

They look at each other. "We do need to practice our forms. I'm consistently six inches off when I finish form twelve." Asha cringes. Ben nods, biting his lip, knowing he is even more off.

Ezra gives weak halfhearted chuckle, "Go." After a moment, they both nod and say goodbye. As soon as they are gone, Ezra collapses back onto the couch. Hera rushes over to him and hugs him. "What's wrong?" She asks, stroking his hair like he is a child. Zeb and Sabine rush over as well. Chopper wheels over.

Luke sighs, "Next time one of you has an emotional break down and the other has to stay to comfort. Please, let me know. It was rather… interesting to have two classes wander into my class thirty minutes into first period."

"Sorry." Kanan apologizes.

Luke nods, "Ezra, if your not feeling up for teaching tomorrow-"

"No, I'll be fine by then. The kids need me, especially this close to exams." Ezra says, through uneven breath as if trying to fight off sobs.

"If your sure…" Luke nods. After a moment, he turns and leaves the family.

The group huddles around him. Kanan looks at his brother. Ezra shakes his head. _They will only feel pain. And there is nothing they can do. This is my pain to bear alone._ Ezra tells himself. Chopper looks at the holonet, then pats Ezra's leg. Eventually, after several hours, Ezra pulls himself together and reassures them he is or will be. Around dinnertime, Ezra manages to convince them to go get food. On their way out, Ezra pulled Chopper aside and whisper, "Please delete the… the recording of… My wedding… It needs to be forgotten…" Chopper readily agrees, surprising Ezra. Ezra smiles, weakly, "Thank you… It's for the best. For both of us, to forget." Ezra sighs patting Chopper's head. "Let's go."

True to his word, Ezra is in class bright and early, and late into the evening helping any student who wished to study, for the days after. Asha and Ben didn't even come up from books and forms and theory to eat. Their meals all but vanished, being replaced by an ever presence snack tray in front of them, replenished thanks to Hera. Asha's birthday was even left to the way side in favor of devoting more time to studying.

Finally, Ezra ripped the books from them the night before the trial, saying they either know it or they don't and they are just going to forget anything they try to force down now. Instead, he forced them to watch Asha's favorite show, a musical fairy tale comedy that was surprisingly awesome, have an actual meal (Which both weren't sure if they could keep it down) and sent them to bed early.

Ezra followed suit returning to his rooms, with Chopper who has taken up residence in Ezra's apartment since the wedding. Morning came too early for Ezra. He dressed in his most formal Jedi clothes and walks out to the courtyard and is met with about a hundred people crammed into the a courtyard meant for fifty.

Ezra looks up through the throngs of people. _Get's busier every year._ And Ezra wonders if he can get rid of the festival that has become attached to the padawan's trial. Though even if he could, he honestly wouldn't. Even if it does sound appealing as someone steps on his toes. It is a time to celebrate the beginning of the new and the ending of old. The amount of examinees out with their family is surprising, though. Normally, they are panicking in the archive by this time. Or classroom, as the first of three written exams is this morning. The first of two sparring ones starts at 1300. And the oral exams begins at 1800. Then, tomorrow there is form testing, the second and third writtens and orals continued. _There are only forty-two students,_ Ezra reminds himself grateful the upper padawans help grade the intro and intermediate classes, along side members of the research division and that padawans are exams, while rigorous are only being graded by their. Here, he has to grade all forty-two students exams.

Ezra spies Ben on his tiptoes, looking around. He stops, looking down sadly. It doesn't take Ezra more than a moment to figure out why. Ezra sighs, he couldn't fix it, but he could make it better. He walks over to the sad kid.

"You don't need it but Good Luck," Ezra places his hand on Ben's shoulder. Ben smiles, a happy feeling radiating off him. "You had better go to the classroom." Ben nods rush off… well, trying to dodge various arms and legs so not to hurt others.

"You know, we shouldn't show favoritism." Luke's voice comes up from behind him.

"I would do the same for anyone of my students in his position." Ezra says, not the least bit apologetic.

"Favoritism blinds you to the-" Luke continues his warning but Ezra cuts him off.

"Dark side within your nephew." Ezra rolls his eyes, as Luke's eye shoot up. "I am well aware of it. You forget I am much more well acquainted with the Dark Side than you. I feel so much of Vader in him. However, where the old Order failed was not giving him a support network that he trusted to help him deal with loss. A single therapist could have stopped Anakin Skywalker from falling."

"I don't appreciate you call my father crazy." Luke says.

"I'm not. I am saying he was in pain, afraid, and, in his mind, pretty much alone. Easy prey for the dark side." Ezra says. "So many mistakes where made by so many people, I don't want them to be repeated."

"He knows he can come talk to me. I'm family." Luke says, shoving off the thinly hidden advice.

"I don't think that means much when his own parents didn't show up to his padawan trials." Ezra deadpans.

"What? Leia promised she'd be here." Luke looks around as if trying to see her in the crowd.

"You seriously didn't know your sister and your best friend, weren't here?" Ezra rolls his eyes.

"Prepping for trials. I assumed I just missed her." Luke huffs. "I need to go make a call."

"Don't give her too hard of a time. She's been busy setting up the Resistance and dealing with nerfherders with pole up their as- butts in the Senate."

"She hasn't visited her son in over a year." Luke shoots him an exacerbated glare.

"Then, give her hell for me." Ezra sighs, knowing Skywalkers have issues with showing and dealing with emotions.

"Can do." Luke says, turning to head to his office.

"And make sure Ben knows." Ezra calls after him, then sighs exacerbated. "Does being a Skywalker mean your emotional constipated?"

"I sure hope not." A female voice answers him.

"Mara," Ezra smiles, turning to see the lovely red head known as Mrs. Skywalker raising her eyebrows at him. "I'm sure your fine."

Mara snorts, "No, I'm probably the worst of the bunch. I'm hoping this little girl avoids it." Mara nods to the two-year-old brunette in her arms asleep.

"Oh, don't worry she'll have plenty of role models." Ezra smiles.

"Just none from her family…" Mara sighs. "Leia isn't here, is she?"

"Yeah…" Ezra nods.

"I'll talk to Ben. But, Isolda would have an easier time talking to him…" Mara sighs, clearly missing her friend.

"Her leaving hit him hard. She was a mentor and, in many ways, his family. She even got him interested in history." Ezra admits, masking his own pain.

"But not as hard as it hit you." Mara says, knowingly. "She was your family."

"You caught that…" Ezra sighs.

"Only easily." Mara smirks, shifting her child to the other hip. "I was an Emperor's Hand. I needed to be able to grasp information quickly. Like you and Isolda needed to."

"I find it interesting that you picked it up, and no one else has." Ezra sighs. "Though I must ask you-"  
"Not to mention your elopement." Mara says. "Of course, Valenci is stupidly old fashion. Something Isolda will surely change. Having a divorcée as Queen would cause scandal that could wreck both the Royal Family, and by extension the government, and the new order catastrophely."

"Thank you." Ezra says.

"This whole thing sucks." Mara huffs. "You deserve happiness. And don't say it is you penitence. I fell further than you ever did and yet I got a happy ending."

"I am happy." Ezra reassures. He is.

"You deserve more." Mara sighs.

Ezra sighs, not wanting to continue this conversation. Again. "You looking to start a padawan class, Knight?"

Mara shakes her head with a smirk, "Not this year. I may have been knighted this year but I still have a lot to learn. Maybe next year. And even then it is going to be small, no more than three."

"Understandable. I'd wager, next year we'll have quite a few more positions open for new padawans." Ezra smiles.

"Yes, several of Luke's and Kanan's padawans are finish up their training." Mara nods, "Poor things had to suffer through them learning to teach."

"Hey, Kanan taught me." Ezra defends.

"Really? Here I thought you taught yourself." Mara snips back. "I'd better go put this one down for her nap or I'll be carrying her during the trials."

"See you." Ezra smiles.

"Oh, and Ezra, in my life, I've learned that flourishing language does have its place in hiding thing better left hidden." Mara smirks, leaving the courtyard.

Ezra, shaking his head, heads to his designated exam classroom. The students are there and, when it is almost time, he passes out the test as he has done many times before. The clock strikes nine and the test begins. Pencils scratch into booklets desperate to scratch the best answers possible. He knows most, if not all, will not finish. The test is designed that way, with some questions that they simply won't be able to answer and won't be able to for a long time. How they answer and their reactions after are just as much part of the test.

Predictably, no pencils stop until he calls time. The students look ready to collapse. Ezra reminded them that the cafeteria has all-you-can eat buffet for them as they file out. Ezra takes the tests and returns them to Luke's office with Kanan's and Luke's test.

The day progresses until it is time for the sparring portion. All three Jedi station themselves around the sparring arena (Really, it is just a place in the courtyard that they put mats down in.). Spectators from the town cram in for a view.

The student have been assigned their numbers and the Jedi have the sheet of matches by numbers to be announced at the start of the matches so that no one knows who they were fighting until moments before the start. Ezra spies Ben with his arms around Asha who looks in tears. Written tests were never her strength. She had problems reading when she was young. Now, her scores were average and she some how got it into her head that because she is the daughter of the Jedi she should be extraordinary. If Ezra ever found out who put that thought in her head, they would be clapping erasers until they are teaching padawans. If they get to teach padawans!

They begin, each match lasting at most three minutes, with the Jedi making comments into recorders as they watch and/or sense. In the moments, between sparring matches, used to record last comments, Ezra spots Asha reassuring Ben and several other examinees, putting off her worry for another's. "Side note, Asha comforts others before coddling herself." Ezra speaks into his recorder.

Finally, they're about ten examinees left. There are still a surprising number of examinees lingering after they're sparring match. They are waiting. "Number 41 vs. Number 35" Luke announces. Asha and Ben both get up, then pale as they see the other. Both walk into the sparring ring, taking a practice saber. A humming energy passes through the crowd. Asha, one of, if not the, best saber wielders, against Ben, who was normally average at best but knows more about Asha's style than any other student and had improved tremendously in the last few weeks.

"Begin." Luke calls out. Neither rush at each other. There is a difference between the two of them. _It's their most serious sparring match._ Ezra notices. "Both examine each other. Not rushing." It is thirty seconds before either moves. And they move together, fast quick jabs and blocks. They move faster than most people can see. Ezra switches from seeing with eyes to the Force, a trick he started practicing in his guilt filled days after Malachor. He sees the outlines in lines and sketches on a black board-like back drop, allowing him to slow down their movements or speed up his mind. _This_ is _something like how Kanan saw the world now._ Ezra's subconscious mind notes. "They test each other before any serious blows are given. Keeping their strength up." They stop suddenly, gathering the information they need. After another moment, they spring into action. A flurry of blows that make the audience cringe and stare in confusion. "They know the others strength. Refusing to go farther than the other can handle, but pushing each other to the limit." Asha kicks. Ben steps out of the way, sending a counter to her head. Asha blocks, grabs his arm and tries to twist the arm, trying to get him to release the saber, while swiping out his feet. Ben flips over, dislodging her hand and throwing a punch to the gut. Asha doesn't even pause swiping her blade at his neck. Ben blocks. Asha drops down nailing her hilt into his gut. They break apart then clash again. All that happened in less than five seconds.

The time clicks on, rotating between flurries and assessments. "Stop!" Luke calls, at the three-minute mark. The two freeze midstrike. "Well done, both of you." Both bow to each other then to Luke, Ezra and Kanan. They limp back to the seats, rubbing their bruises. "That was the best sparring I have seen from Ben." Ezra says into his recording, looking over at them again. "I don't felt any of their blows during the match." After four more sparring matches, it is time for a short break.

"Can we be done?" Ezra says to Kanan.

"No, and at least you get to head to your own apartment. I'm not even allowed there until grading is done because Asha's testing." Kanan says.

"Sucks to be you." Luke smiles at them.

"Yeah, just you wait till your daughter tests." Kanan snips back.

"I am going to get something to eat before oral starts." Ezra rolls his eyes.

"That is an excellent idea." Kanan agrees, with a smile.

The remaining tests go as normal, except with Kanan crashing in one of the dorms, ending late the next day.

Finally, Ezra calls time on the last written exam. He takes the exams to Luke's office, meeting the other Jedi. "Now the fun begins." Ezra stacks the booklets. A solid three days of grading, a hundred and twenty-six exams later, and an untold number of pots of kaff later and they finally finish. Now they can conglomerate the results.

Ezra, Kanan and Luke sit around the desk, looking over all the scores. Ezra sighs, knowing what is going through the back of everyone's mind. "Okay, let's just get the giant ton ton in the room out of the way."

"I honestly don't know what you're talking about." Luke says.

Ezra shoots him a 'yeah right' look. Even Kanan shoots him one too through his bandages. Luke sighs, shifting the papers. "Ben and Asha." After a moment of searching, he pulls out their exams. Ben scored the highest on all three writtens out of all examines, answer calmly and concisely in the Orals, and preformed solidly in his forms and sparring. Asha's practical was delicate and refined (having proved she can thread a needle at thirty paces in practice), her forms and technique are the best of the grade, her written exams contained only minor grammar and spelling errors that did not harm the meaning and showed a great talent for reasoning even if her ability to convey it was still limited. She is compassionate, too. Only… "Ben's power is phenomenal, however his control is poor for an initiate his age and his temper is explosive with all but Asha. And Asha's sparring holds to much aggression. She looses herself in the moment of sparring. And with her difficulting conveying herself may make things… difficult… for her should she continue down this path. As a result, I cannot condone either of them continuing on." Kanan flinches at the accusations toward his daughter but can't deny it.

"Interesting." Ezra says, as if channeling Master Yoda. "Your reasons for not training them are the exact reasons I think they must be trained."

"They are too dangerous to the other padawans." Luke argues.

"So, you wish to cast them adrift?" Ezra asks, gently moving his hand as he speak. Speaking with his hand is a habit he never could break. "You will only give Ben a reason to resent you, opening him up further to the Dark Side. And setting him with out a guide. That is the real danger. For fear isn't the only thing that leads to anger. Resentment leads to anger and anger leads to hate. And as we all know, hate leads to suffering." Ezra says. "As for Asha, she is young. She has proven over and over again she is willing to take the harder path simply to improve herself. Her essays prove that as over the last year she went from being three reading levels behind to writing essays that put many of her classmates to shame." Ezra pushes her essays at Luke. "You say her ability to convey is weak. And yes it is, but it is still stronger than many. Beyond that, her ability to grow and to self-improve shows that this will not hamper her in the future."

Kanan sighs, "More over, I don't think there is anything else she wants to be. She's been driven to become a Jedi since she could walk."

"A Jedi has no desire for greatness." Luke answers with a sigh. "She can find her own path. And Ben can, too. They could have normal lives. After all, life of a Jedi is hard."

"I don't think either of them could take normal. And I don't think they want it." Ezra says. "All of these other examees, they have other paths, know life beyond the temple. But for Asha and Ben, the Force breaths and they exhale. Tell me I am not the only one who senses it. It is in their blood."

"I am not equip to guide them to knighthood…" Luke admits his real concern.

Kanan breathes. "I don't think I am either."

"Then, I'll train them both." Ezra says. "Who better to teach someone to avoid the dark side than one who knows its temptations intimately."

"I think that is the best." Kanan agrees.

Luke nods. "Alright. Let's look at the others. I was very impressed by Examinee Floan." They continue weighing the pros and cons and scores of each of the prospect padawans as Kanan, Luke and Ezra pick there remaining new padawans and begin writing up the acceptances and denial letters. They finished at about three in the morning a day later, ready to be done with their least favorite part of teaching.

Ezra smiles as he feels Hera's joy as Kanan crawls into bed. He slides into his apartment. Ezra raises his eyebrows, "Hey, Chopper." Chopper beeps at him. "Everything is done." Ezra yawns, then pauses. He goes to his counter and pulls out his datapad. Chopper beeps at him. "I'll go to sleep soon… I just want to write something…" Ezra sits down and stares at the blank document. "Flourishing language…" He rubs his head looking up. The lantern is there. He begins to type.

 _Red lanterns surround me,_

 _And its light dances in my eyes._

 _Green and blue they should be,_

 _Yet they are red._

 _And I know that I must extinguish them_

 _Yet my hand freezes every time I try._

Ezra reread the poem several times, looking at how it could possibly be read. "Hey Chopper. Do you think you could you could send this securely to Issy's personal computer?" Chopper beeps conformation. Ezra kneels down and gives him the file. "Thank you." Ezra sighs. "I should let her go. I know that. But… I am not the Jedi I need to be… I am not the Jedi my padawans deserve… I don't know if I can be the teacher Asha and Ben need… But I have to. Kanan can't teach his daughter. They are too close. And while he is fond of Ben, he wouldn't train him. He sees to much Dark side in him. And Luke wouldn't train either. He sees to much Dark Side in them. Not like Luke wasn't tempted himself." Choppers metal arm extends and pats him. Ezra leans down resting his forehead on Chopper. "Thank you."

The next morning all the examinees mulled about in the main hall with bated breath. Luke comes in with three boxes of letters while Kanan drags in a half asleep Ezra. "Alright, form lines. Alphabetical by last name. A-M with me. M-R with Master Jarrus. And the rest with Master Bridger." Luke instructs. The students swarm. Asha and Ben enter their separate lines. Ezra is too tired to do more than hand out letters. Soon, they are all handed out.

"Ben!" Asha calls out. Ben rushes to her. Both hold up there letters. "Ready?" Ben smiles. Asha nods. They rip open their letters and read the first sentences. Both look up at each other. "So… What did you get?" Ben asks, wincing.

"Oh, what did you get?" Asha asks.

"Um… On three?" Ben asks. Asha nods "One. Two. Three." They say together. "I got in." Both look up grinning. "You got in?- Yes! I'm so happy for you!" They chant together happily.

Ezra smiles, leaving the forum. He walks to the stables of the temple. He checks on each animal before walking outside with a basket of hay. He goes to a fenced area with a large beast of burden. The beast should have a large hump of fat on his back, but, because of his previous owner, it was barely detectable. He hand feeds him for a short while.

"Ben, I know you there." Ezra doesn't even look up from the large animal.

"Of course," Ben smiles, walking out of the bushes.

"What do you need?" Ezra pats the animal's neck. Ben holds out his hand. The creature grows at him. Ezra breathes a chuckle. "Calm your mind. Focus on gentle soothing thoughts. And long grasses." Ben closes his eyes holding out his hand. "Let him close the distance." The creature nuzzles his nose into Ben's hand. Ben smiles. "He's… His pervious owner was… not kind. I've been trying to socialize him but very few people can get close to him."

"He's scared. And lonely. And doesn't know who to trust." Ben smiles at the creature, petting its mussel.

"With my padawan class getting to the size it is getting, I worry I may not be able to devote proper time to my roll as Beast Master. I could use a hand." Ezra smirks at the teen.

"Really?" Ben smiles.

"It's not glamorous. It's hard and smelly. Your primary responsibility would be making sure a few of the temples creatures are fed and groomed and their pens are cleaned. Including this creature, but…" Ezra starts.

Ben smiles up at him. "It'd be an honor, Master. Thank you. For everything. You've always been there for me."

"I am your teacher, it is my roll. Just as it is Master Jarrus and Master Skywalker's." Ezra hands Ben the basket of grasses, momentarily wishing Ben hadn't stopped calling him "Uncle".

Ben takes it and holds it up to the creature's mouth. "No, they don't. They don't even want me trained… If it wasn't for you, I wouldn't have a future."

"The Force works in mysterious way, Padawan. And they do care." Ezra says, looking at the boy.

"No, they don't. They're scared of me. Of the darkness inside of me. I see it in the way they look at me. I feel it when they come near… My own parents…" The creature stops eating, and nuzzles the boy's head. "But, you, Master…" Ben says, through a shaky breath. "You've been more of an uncle to me than my own uncle. More of a father than my own father."

Ezra takes a breath, before putting both hands on Ben's shoulders and leaning over to look him in the eyes. "Ben, your parents aren't scared of you. Your uncle isn't scared of you. I've worked with your uncle for years. He has trouble expressing himself. I met your mother on a mission to deliver ships to the rebellion. She has always put others' happiness above her own. And, whether he admits it or not, your father is the same. It's not always easy, being the son of those types of people. Believe me. But they are really doing it for you. I am going to be blunt. Blunter than Luke would want me to be. The Knights of Ren would love to capture you, turn you because of how strong you are among other reasons. Your parents are fighting to protect you and everyone here from them and the First Order. Your family isn't afraid of you. They are afraid FOR you. Of the challenges your lineage will give you."

"What challenges?" Ben shakes his head.

Ezra realizes his slip of the tongue. "You will find out one day. It is the will of the Force, of that I am certain. Just hope that day doesn't come for a long, long time. Because nothing will be the same after that." Ben sighs.

"I wish I could believe they care." Ben looks down.

"You will someday." Ezra pats his shoulder. "Now, how about I show you your new responsibilities."

Ben nods, with a smile. "When I make my own lightsaber, can it be a cross-guard one?"

"Now, why would you want one like that?" Ezra says.

"Because its cool!" Ben smiles.

"Maybe after you get a handling on a regular lightsaber. Even with us insisting on not losing lightsabers, most Jedi lose theirs at least once as a padawan. Heck, this is my fourth." Ezra pats his lightsaber.

"No way." Ezra smiles at the animated innocent youth as he shows him through the stables.

 **Thank You Time! Thank you GarynFett for following and favoriting. Thank you bluesweetie1978 for following and favoriting. Thank you Ichichi05 for following. Thank you amichalap for favoriting. Thank you forcegirl1225 for favoriting. Thank you HarmonyGirl567 for favoriting. Thank you Guest for reviewing. Thank you casstrum93 for reviewing. To answer your question, Ezra fell to the Dark Side. Killing kind of comes with the territory. It was few than most who fall, like single digit numbers, but he still feels very guilty over it. Thank you Amelia dragneel15 for reviewing. I'd love to show more Isolda, but this is really Ezra and Asha's story and the focus needed to be on them or spiral out of control into a 40 chapter story that isn't even half way done. She is going to appear a lot as she is a very important to Ezra and really does represent possible happiness he could have if things went a little different. But I can't devote full time to Isolda. Thank you lamtuyetminh179 for reviewing. Why do you think Isolda isn't perfect for Ezra? You didn't give any reason and I can't address your concerns without it. Thank you Midnight Luna for reviewing. Is Ben still cute?**


	4. Chapter 4: Shattered Trust

Ezra pulled out the first aid kit from his desk, fumbling a bit from the stinging of his hand. "Let me." Asha says, trying to take the kit. Ezra pulls it away from her. "You're frustrated." Asha observes.

Ezra puts the kit down with more force than strictly necessary. "A little. Asha, we've been over this. You're too aggressive when you spar."

"I don't mean to be. It's just reactions." Asha protests.

"Reactions can be controlled. I need you to commit to what I am teaching. And you're not. You will never be a Jedi, unless you are willing to learn control." Ezra scolds.

"I am willing. I will do what ever it takes to become a Jedi." Asha protests.

"No, you think you are. I am telling you, you are not committed. And clearly not coming to the realization of what you need to do." Ezra says, exacerbated. "Asha, I can't trust with the other padawans when we spar."

Asha's throat tightens as she feels like she is being slammed into a wall. "Why not?"

"You really need to ask?" Ezra says, flexing his wrist. Pain flashes through his entire arm, reinforcing his decision not to have her make a lightsaber like the other padawans her age. And to not allow her to spar other padawans. "I would have lost my hand had you not been using a practice saber."

"I'd have been more careful with an actual saber." Asha protests, letting a small bit of resentment build in her voice.

Ezra slams his hands down. Fire erupts in his right arm. "That's not how it works! And, you have given me no proof that you ready for an actual saber."

"I am the best at sparring in the class. And one of the best at forms. I am ready for an actual saber!" Asha says rather loudly, her hand hitting her chest as she talks with her full body.

"There is more to being a duelist than skill and form." Ezra says, opening a drawer. He pulls out a piece of chalk and gestures for her to follow. He walks her to the center of the room and draws a small box around her with his left hand. "Do the three basic forms for forms 2-6, without anything leaving this square."

"How am I supposed to do the forms in one spot?" Asha asks, disbelief in her voice.

"Your lightsaber can't leave the square either." Ezra says.

"And how long do I have to do this?" Asha asks.

"Until you can do it on instruction." Ezra orders.

Asha gapes. "Ah. But. But, Uncle Ezra, it's movie night and Ben finally stopped stuttering enough to ask me out!" Asha whines.

"Then you had better get started." Ezra dismisses it, grabbing the first aid kit and leaves. He sighs, sitting on a bench and pulls out the disinfectant and bactipacks. He hates scolding any of his students, but she needs this.

"Ezra," Hera's voices surprising him. Ezra looks up to see Hera with a set of Datapads in her arms. Hera looks at Ezra's arm and sighs. "Asha?" Hera says, as she sets down the datapads and looks over the injury.

Ezra sighs, "I did assign her additional saber practice that should help with control. If she recognizes her need to change. Otherwise, she'll be working late into the night, everynight…"

"Thank you, for putting up with the challenge she causes." Hera sighs, dressing his wounds.

"She's amazing. She understands Force theory and practice better than most. She is turning into a great negotiator and is an amazing padawan. But, it is like she gets tunnel vision and can't think anything but 'kick the other guys ass'." Ezra sighs, exacerbation, giving way to a tiredness. "And don't get me started on Ben… When he is not working with animals or researching ancient histories, there is this frustration at the world that only Asha and I can calm down. He feels very little for the actual people around him, even if he still, for some reason I don't know, puts others first. He won't let others get close to him. And before you tell me the reason for that, I know it just as well as you do."

"Ezra, you can't blame yourself for that." Hera says.

Ezra snorts. "Oh, yes I can. If anyone should be able to break through to him it-"

"His parents. But they aren't. And you are trying to fill that void in him that, you simply can't fill. Like we tried for you. You've done a great job with what you have." Hera finishes wrapping his wrist and hugs him. "And they are both just being teenagers."

"I apologize for all the teenage crud I caused for you and Kanan." Ezra says, both genuine and joking at the same time.

"You guys were trouble, but also amazing. And I wouldn't change anything."

As sun sinks into the horizon, Asha tries again and again to do as she had been instructed with little progress.

Asha swings, again. She's finally managed to figure out how to step so she isn't moving, but every time she swings it goes outside the lines. And she is only on Mishiki. Ataru is going to be a nightmare.

She sighs, lowering her practice saber. It is out of the line. Asha sighs, tired and hungry. Then a thought enters her head. She kneels down and holds the saber out parallel to the line. The saber is longer than the side of the square by about six inches. "Karablast! There is no way that I'd be able to do this without out going outside the box."

A ping comes from the window. Asha's head snaps to the noise. A pebble hits the window. She goes over and opens it. "Ben! I am not playing hook…." Ben isn't out there. Nothing is. But she senses something. "ee…" Without a thought, she jumps out of the window and starts following the feeling.

A minute and fifteen seconds pass and Ezra walks in carrying a tray of food. "Alright, Asha let's see what you got and take it from-" She's not there. The window is open. He rush to it a just sees a whiff of her vanishing into the shadows.

Asha ducks a branch then jumps over a bush as she follows what she sensed. Finally, she came to a clearing that she didn't recognize. An old man sat hunched over and huddled in a cloak on the other end. The air fills with a chill, unusual for this moon's early summer. "Can I help you, Sir?" Asha asks, taking a step forward. The Force blares that danger is near. But Asha sees no danger. _Still, trust the Force. And help the old man._

"No, but I can help you." The old man says.

"Sir, might we continue this conversation at the temple?" Asha asks, her voice lacing with an undertone of uncomfortableness. _Something isn't right,_ the thought floats around her head, both conscious and unconsciously.

"No, not with the treacherous man within." The old man says gently.

"What? What traitor?" Asha asks. "No, the Jedi would sense it."

"Oh, but the Dark Side has deceived even the Great Master Yoda. What chance do these poor fools playing pretend have?" The man says. He straightens. "Ask you master, how to your father was blinded?" He runs off.

"Wait!" Asha calls, _her father was always blind, wasn't he_?

"Asha!" Ezra's voice comes from nowhere.

Asha turns around. Her uncle runs to her. "Why'd you jump out a window?" Ezra asks, then his eyes widen. "We agree never to tell your mother I actually had to ask that."

"There was a weird old guy. He said there was a traitor in the temple." Asha says, shivering. _How is it so cold?_

Ezra puts his arms around her. "You're freezing. Let's go back now."

"But the man-" Asha protests.

"Was trying to mess with your head. There is no traitor within the temple. Let's get you home. Then, I'll come investigate." Ezra says.

"But then he'll be long gone." Asha protests.

"No, he won't. Not until the coward gets what he wants." Her uncle speaks, coldly. Asha stares at him, having never seen her warm, kind, and joyful uncle like that. He leads her back to the temple. But instead of just letting her walk back and getting back to preparing for finals, he walks her all the way to her apartment in silence.

Asha, confused, opens the door. "Hey, sweetheart," Kanan moves his head in their direction. "How was-" Kanan catches Ezra's mood. "Asha, have you eaten yet? Why don't you go heat up some left overs?"

Asha nods, going into a kitchen but watching her father and uncle. Their exchange is short and one sided. Her uncle says one word and her father pales. Asha shoves something into the microwave, not removing her eyes from them. Kanan nods.

"Asha," Ezra shouts over to her. "I want you to continue working in the box exercise, first thing tomorrow morning."

"I am not going to win this but I am still gonna say it. Tomorrow's my day off!" Asha groans.

"I didn't get to examine your form." Ezra answers as he turns and leaves.

Asha sighs. Kanan walks over to the counter. "I know Ezra is seems a little strict right now, but he is trying to do what's best for you." Kanan says, his voice leaves no room for doubt that he believes that heart, body, and soul. The microwave beeps. "You going to get that?" Kanan asks when he receives no indication of her moving.

"Dad… Were you always blind?" Asha asks.

"No, I would have thought the scars were enough proof of that." Kanan jokes, darkly.

"They should have… I just never thought about it." Asha shakes her head. "How did it happen?"

"I let my guard down in front of a dark side user, and he took the opportunity to try and cut me down so he could get what he wanted." Kanan explains. Asha looks down at her hands. Kanan fumbles around and takes her hand. "Do me a favor." Asha squeeze his hand, a yes in their silent language. "Don't mention any of this to your Uncle. It hit him hard."

"Of course." Asha smiles. Her uncle had been her father's padawan. Of course, he wouldn't have taken it well. If anything happen to Ezra… A wicked thought enters her head, as the man's words whispers into her mind. They would suggest that the man who blinded her father was a dark side user, or at least former dark side user, at the temple. The only one would be Master Jade-Skywalker. But Asha, as vague as it was, remembered when Jade-Skywalker met her father. She'd been five or so. And she would never succumb to the Dark Side, again. _So, who? The man's words._ _What if_ … _No, he was never a Dark Side user._ She refuses to even let the thought enter her mind fully. It is a crazy stupid idea.

Some tuperware is shoved in front of her with a fork in it. "Eat, Sweetheart. Whatever is on your mind can wait until morning." Her father smiles.

"Thanks, Dad." Asha smiles, shoving a forkful into her mouth.

"I'll always be there for you, Sweetheart." Kanan smiles kissing her forehead. "I'm going to watch some holonet. I suggest you should head off to bed soon."

"Kay, Dad." Asha yawns. She finishes her meal and heads to bed. But sleep doesn't comes. She tosses and turns as her thoughts refuse to clear. That idea hammers against her skull in a way that some might define as torture. And when she does slip into light sleep, dreams or visions plague her. But the only thing she remembers when she jackknifes awake is red and an unknown woman shouting her father's name.

By the time five rolls about she can't take it. She dress in her padawan robes quickly and quietly leaves the apartment. She walks quickly through the halls. She notices the empty courtyard. _Strange_ , her thoughts fill with worry. Her uncle is normally there by now, either meditating or saber practice. She shrugs it off; _he's probably feeding the animals._

She reaches her destination, a regular dorm room. She pounds loudly on the door. There's a loud groan. A few minutes later a half asleep Ben in sweatpants and a mass of utterly impressive bed head. He has forgotten to put on a shirt or his glasses.

"The critter you brought home is asleep on you're head." Asha rolls his eyes.

"Asha, what the kriff? I don't have to be up for another animal to feed the two hours. Can't I sleep in for once?" Ben huffs.

"I just-" Asha freezes midsentences. "Wait. Did you just say it was your day to feed the animals?"

"Yeah," Ben yawns.

"Then why wasn't Uncle Ezra in the courtyard?" Asha asks.

"Don't know. Don't care. Until after 0700 hours." Ben yawns. "Goodnight."

"Oh no, I still need to talk to you. Get dressed you feeding animals early today." Asha orders.

Ben groans. "Give me five." After a short silent walk to the stables, mainly because Ben was too tired to say anything, they arrived.

Ben mechanically went through his chores and Asha spilled her gut while sitting on a bale of hays. She told him about the man, about Ezra acting strange, what her father told her, and her stupid idea. "Wow… Uncle Ezra has been there for you all your life and three seconds with a man you don't know can put doubt in that?" Ben questions her, in a joking way.

"No! I just- It's a stupid idea. Uncle is always so open, but he gets these distant moments sometimes..." Asha protests.

"Well, of course, he does. Aunt Mara gets them as well. Hardly surprising." Ben tosses hay up into the rafters for some ridiculously tall animals.

"Why would it not be surprising that he and Master MJ both get them?" Asha asks, shaking her head. As far as she was aware, they had very little history in common before the temple.

" Well, Uncle Ezra fell, of course. And-" Ben wipes his brow.

"What? No he- What? How? He told you that?" Asha stammers, trying to put his words in a sentence more coherent than the one she just put out.

"He didn't need to." Ben says, moving on to the next animal. "My first day here, he gave an explanation for why people fall. It was so personal… It could have only been experience. And there have been about a billion other ticks that convinced me over the years."

"Uncle, he wouldn't." Asha says.

"Does Aunt Mara seem like she spent years working for the Dark Side?" Ben asks.

"No… Not really…" Asha shakes her head.

"Hey, even if he did fall, he came back. Trusting some guy who doesn't know squat about our family is utterly ridiculous." Ben shakes his head, feeding his camel-like friend.

"I know." Asha shakes her head, walking over to him. She tries to pet the creature. It growls at her. Asha pulls out her hand. "I will get you to like me one of these days."

"It doesn't work like that." Ben smiles.

Asha smiles then sighs. "It just feels like Uncle Ezra is always hiding thing from me. And not in the normal just-didn't-mention-it-because-I-don't-want-to-bug-you-with-my-scars way."

"I don't know if that's a habit of Uncles or Jedi. But Uncle Ezra is far better than Uncle Luke at letting you get close." Ben sighs and groans as he sits down. "It's like he is always holding me at arms length."

"Hey, your family loves you. They just aren't good at showing love." Asha reassures.

"That only goes so far. A former Emperor's Hand is more loving than the them?" Ben stands up, sending a frustrated wave through the Force. The animals become distressed. Ben quells his frustration and calms the poor animals.

"Because she know what life is like without light." Asha answers, letting the Force guide her thoughts and answers.

"Maybe?" Ben says, clearly unconvinced. "Hey, lets go for a ride? No one is awake yet and I can have you back in time for your detention." He pats his friend.

"Will she let me ride her?" Asha raises a tattooed eyebrow.

"With me." Ben smirks, holding out his hand. They ride around the forest for a good forty-five minutes talking about everything and anything, Asha's arms wrapped around Ben's waist.

"Your family loves you." Asha tries to convince him for the umpteenth time.

"Maybe." Ben sighs, thinking of the most recent slights.

"Yes." Asha tilts his head back to face her as they reenter the barn.

"Honestly, You and Uncle Ezra are far more like family to me." Ben confesses. "You guys are my light and my home and my everything." The words _I love you_ float in the air. Asha is unsure how to feel about that. It is to early in their romantic relationship to be saying them. They aren't for the right now. And they both know it.

"Why don't you go spend the day with your cousin? I am going to be stuck running through a stupid exercise for the rest of the day." Asha sighs, dismounting.

"Which you are supposed to being doing right now." Ezra's voice surprising them. The strange mixture of emotions weaving through his voice and Force signature strikes Asha. Frustration, calmness, mild disappointment, and strangely enough, hidden under everything, relief. Very strong relief.

Asha tilts her head. "Uncle Ezra, I just woke up early and-"

"Disobeying my instructions. Come. Now." Ezra orders.

Asha has never seen her uncle like this. "Uncle-"

"Now." Ezra orders turning to leave. Asha doesn't even say good bye to Ben as she rushes off behind him. They head to the classrooms. But instead of turning into Ezra's classroom, which looks over the forests surrounding the towns, they turn into Luke's which over looks the courtyard. Ezra draws the dang square (still smaller than a fully extended lightsaber) and tosses her a practice lightsaber.

She starts the first basic form of Makashi. She takes three steps. "Out." Ezra says. "Start over."

She sighs and recenters herself. She does the form, again. "Out. Start over." Ezra says, again. It happens over again and again, for hours. People trickle into the courtyard. Asha even spies Ben's cousin putting flowers in his hair, much to his fake displeasure.

Asha's even half certain Ezra is only paying half his normal attention to her form. That is confirmed when she flicks her sense out. His senses are extended, as if he is on edge. _What is going on?_ Asha wonders. "Out." Ezra says for the umpteenth time.

Asha lets out an exacerbated sigh, re-centering herself. Her senses flare. She brings the saber up just fast enough to block Ezra's strike with a practice saber. Ezra smirks.

Asha pushes back then rolling to the side, jumping up and attack three times in quick succession. Ezra blocks each of them. She strikes again. Ezra taps her arm. Asha doesn't notices as she launches into an attack. Ezra blocks with ease, pushing her back. "You're getting tunnel vision."

Asha barely hears him. She strikes again and again. Ezra blocks all her strikes, with ease. As Asha gasps for air, covered in sweet, Ezra strikes. Asha blocks but somehow ends up on the floor. She thinks he might have gone for her legs, but she's not a hundred percent sure.

"You've been holding back." Asha sighs.

"Duh," Ezra raises an eyebrow.

"I shouldn't be surprised." Asha says. "Ow." She feels a sharp pain in her arm.

"Your tunnel vision can hurt you and your sparring partner." Ezra says. "Even with practice sabers."

Asha sits up and sighs. "I know… I try…But-"

"Do or do not there is no try." Asha and Ezra say together, and they break into a smile. Ezra slides down besides her.

"I know, it's just hard. And I know I don't want to. But I can't get it out of my mind. And it doesn't help that pushing them does help them. That is my philosophy and-"

"It's not wrong, you've always pushed yourself more than is sane. And it does help you." Ezra gives her a half hug. "Others just can't push themselves that hard."

"I'll do better. I promise." Asha sighs.

"No offense, but I'm kinda sick of that promise. I know what your determination can do. And its not being applied." Ezra says.

"Alright. That changes now. Any suggested techniques to practices?"

"You already got one." Ezra nods to the square. "It's about controlling your body through every actions."

"That figures." Asha sighs.

"It can also improve your use of the on off switch in battle, which can be useful." Ezra smiles, then pauses for a moment. "Another is to hang a sheet from the window. Strike like you mean it, but don't touch the sheet. For now though, stick with the box."

"Yes, Master." Asha smiles.

"Let's try this again." Ezra smiles.

"Sure thing." Asha then pauses, "Just out of curiosity, if and when are we going to break for food. I didn't stop to have breakfast."

"Now, come on. I'll make you chocolate chip pancakes." Ezra smiles, patting her shoulder. "Breakfast for lunch is always great."

"Yum!" Asha smiles, getting up and pulling him by the arm like she's ten years old again. Ezra laughs all the way.

The next week passes quietly, with some exceptions. For some reason, one of the newer Jedi, Addy, sat in on all her regular classes, be it Bantha poodooing her way to a hundred on her last literature test of the term, to grumbling as her calculus teacher gives a pop quiz in preparation for finals, and to her utterly abonmishing her opponents in the history simulation.

Most surprisingly, when lunch came around Master Skywalker would actually come sit with her and Ben. Asha is glad about that. Even if it was weird for him at first, Asha sees how happy it truly makes Ben. He smiles easier and seems to have an extra bounce in his step, especially when the two start discussing the latest history found by Professor Tekka.

Master Skywalker would then walk them to Ezra's classroom. And Ezra's lessons went as normal, though he had her meditate while others spar. That's annoying but she understands he is trying to strengthen her mind to better combat tunnel vision.

After classes end, she stayed behind and worked on the box exercise. She has move on from Makashi to Soreyu, though her Makashi still needed work. After two hours of that, Asha grabbed a desk and begins working on her homework. The workload had really piled up with finals next week. She even has one on her birthday!

It was strange, Asha would admit. But nothing completely out of the blue. Until the morning after the youth classes finals finished, Asha is eating a bowl of brightly color cereal and rereading some force theory text she for the debate with Ben she was going to loose later. Her comm goes off, signally a recorded school wide message. Lazily, she pulled it open.

A little blue Master Skywalker appears. "Greetings Students. I regret to inform you that, due to unavoidable circumstances, this year's padawan trials have been delay to a, as of yet, undetermined time." Asha's spoon splashes into her cereal. "This does not mean you should stop preparing for your other finals, as they are still to be give at there given time. May the Force be with you all."

A moment passes as Asha processes it. Then another. And another. "DAAADDDDD!"

Kanan walked out of his and Hera's bedroom as if his daughter didn't just shreak out his name. "Morning, Sweetheart." He finishes adjusting his belt like he does everyday he wears his Jedi robes (Everyday he teaches).

"Why are the padawan trials being canceled?" Asha asks

"Delayed. Not canceled." Kanan grabs a bowl and grabs the box of Asha's cereal.

"You know Mom with scowled you for eating that." Asha deadpans.

"What she doesn't know won't give me an earful." Kanan pours some out.

Asha rolls his eyes. "Why were the padawan trials delayed?"

"Classified." Kanan answers, automatically.

Asha huffs, finishing up her bowl and putting it in the sink. She grabs her school bag and gives her father a kiss on the cheek. "Heading out. Love you."

"Where are you going?" Kanan gruffs through a mouthful of cereal.

"To review. Me, Ben, and a few other of the padawans are reviewing in the courtyard as usual." Asha pauses, confused. He asks sometimes. But usually will just trust her and she just tells him.

Kanan nods then after a moment looks at the clock. "Great!" He says in his trademarked sarcasm. "I'm late for my review session."

Asha tilts her head and says in a voice that sound way too much like her mother for her father's comfort. "Your review session doesn't start for an hour."

"Yeah, well, um…" Kanan scrambles.

A lightbulb goes off in Asha's head. "You're not seriously…" Kanan looks confused, but Asha doesn't notice. "You are. You're going overprotective papa-bear. Seriously, you've know Ben since he was nine!"

It takes Kanan a moment to realize what she said. "What? You're my only little girl? You cannot expect me not to want to chase off any boy who gets near."

"Bennyboo is a big teddy bear." Asha says, unable not to tease her somewhere between a friend and boyfriend. Shaking her head, she says. "Grab the bowl, I'm late."

"Thank you." Kanan smirks, grabbing the bowl and a spoon as well as his bag of review materials. The two walk and tease each other all the way to the courtyard. Ezra is lecturing under a tree surrounded by students, as he does daily around finals.

"Ash!" Zal, one of her master's senior most padawans, calls from the circle already forming. Ben leans on a wall, not that far from his class, not socializing with his classmates. He looks up and smiles as Asha smiles, jumping the waist high wall surrounding the courtyard to greet her. Asha plops down in the circle. Ben plops down next to Asha.

Kanan looks to Ezra. Ezra doesn't even stop his lecture as meet Kanan's eyes and nods slightly. Kanan nods in return and leaves. Asha raises a tattooed eyebrow, _Why would he leave after I start hanging out with my… whatever Ben is?_ She hears her uncle in the background. _Oh_. The answer doesn't even need to form a conscious thought.

They review and quiz each other for hours. "The forbidden Force techniques of the Old Order were the Force choke, Force insanity, Deadly Sight… Morichro… Emerald lightening and…" Asha begins snapping as she tries to remember the last one. "Force Storm!"

"Correct, though the Force choke is marked as the more general Force grip." Zal looks up from his datapad.

"I know, however I have difficulty thinking the whole Force grip as a dark side technique. After all, being able to lift you opponent up, can be used to stop them and get them away from you. A far more passive way stopping an opponent than 'mercifully' cutting off their arm." Asha argues.

"I… That is a very valid logic. However, we are talking about the Order that banned all forms of attachment because of the few that fell because they weren't prepared to let go." Zal shakes his head. "And this isn't a logic question."

"Hey, is anyone hungry?" One of the padawan asks.

"Given we've doing this for… four hours, it's not surprising." Zal says.

"Ben, Zal, help me carry lunch for everyone." Asha smiles. Asha jerks at the spike of worry in the air. Ben senses it too. And every other padawan in the circle. Their head shoot to their master. Ezra looks the calm and collected as he answers a question. Asha does catch him subtly activate his comm without speaking into it.

Asha narrows her eyes, _What is going on?_ "Come on."

"Y…Yeah…" Zal agrees. Ben nods, getting up. The three exit the courtyard and start wondering over to the cafeteria. They don't make it five steps before Mara Jade-Skywalker appears out of nowhere, half out of breath.

"Hey, Ben. What's going on?" Mara asks.

"We're just getting lunch for our class…" Ben says.

"Need some help?" Mara asks.

"…Sure…" Ben says, confused by his aunt's behavior. Asha notices Mara activate her comm for half a second then for a second then two quick activations. The Jedi are signaling each other. Half a second then a full second is Mara's silent codename.

"So, what's secret mission are you and the rest of the Jedi hiding?" Asha asks, joking in her voice.

"There is nothing." Mara lies so well that her Force signature doesn't even flicker.

"Right… And you weren't using the simple silent coding that changes with each mission." Asha says.

"There's a silent code?" Zal asks.

"You haven't noticed?" Ben and Asha say at the same time.

Mara sigh, "Classified."

They walk into the Cafeteria, which has about half a dozen student spread about. "A9!" Zal calls. The droid behind the counter looks up. "Can we get twelve plates of today's special?"

The droid give a look that would be called rolling his eyes if he were biological, but gives a thumbs-up and gets to work.

"We're going to need a dolly." Mara says, walking into the kitchen.

Asha raises her head, "You want something, Thomson? Or are you going glare a whole in my head?"

A thirteen-year-old human stands up from his table and stomps over to her. _What did I do to tick 'im off?_ Asha wonders.

"It's because of you no one from my year is going to be able to become padawans!" He accuses.

"What the kriff are you talking about?" Asha says, thoroughly blind-sided. She had never been more than aquatences with him, but they were on friendly terms at least. And this is coming out of nowhere.

"Oh, are you really so clueless that you haven't noticed this whole mess is because of you?!" Thomson grows. The entire cafeteria is staring at them.

"Listen, you-" Ben starts but Asha puts a hand on his chest, stopping him from doing something rash.

"I have nothing to do with whatever is going on with the Jedi, Thomson. I am just as clueless as everyone else." Asha states.

"Really? Think really hard, when was the last time you weren't near within the same room or a corridor as a Jedi!" Thomson asks, clearly pissed.

Asha pauses a moment, "A little over a week. So what? I am always surrounded by them. My dad and godfather are both Jedi. It's not like I can go home, outside the Temple everyday. The Temple is my home."

Thomson doesn't stop glaring. "But you never had a Jedi sit in on all you class. Never had one escort you where you were going. Never had a Jedi sit with you at lunch. Or what about the guards posted outside you windows at night? Did you notice those?"

"That's-" Asha cuts herself off. All the strangeness of the last week clicks. The Jedi were watching her.

"And now the trials have been canceled! And it all points to you!" Thomson growls.

Zal finally steps in as he senses Ben and Asha's minds spin. "They are not cancel. They have been postponed until an undetermined time."

"Same thing!" Thomson shouts.

"No, it's not. And even if it was, that would stop you from participating in next years trials, if you truly wish to be a Jedi." Zal says.

"Yeah, but how many people actual do that?" Thomson shouts.

"As many as those who want to become Jedi. Those who don't have moved on, found new dreams or are content to explore." Zal says, sounding every bit like the Jedi he is almost. "Besides, the trials have already begun. They begin the moment you start training. You really think they only consider your scores from the trials? Anyone can be anything for an hour, but true character cannot be hidden forever. And the Jedi look for true characters. So, your attitude in your daily life, you drive to study for the trials, and your compassion for your fellow students, are just as important, if not more, than your trial scores. And in this one act you have wrecked most of those. You degrade and blame you senior student, instead of using the extra time to study and aid your classmates. I can tell you even it the trials were today, you would not have passed. You will not pass, I am certain of that. Because there are very few things in this temple that the Jedi don't know about. Now, get out of here."

Thomson glares at the group, before leaving, utterly humiliated. Asha feels ill. Whatever is going on is center around her. "Unbelievable… I actually thought he cared… I actually thought… I'm such a fool…" Ben's voice wavers, as if tears are filling his eyes.

"Ben…" Asha starts, ready to comfort him, though not quite sure what's upset him this time. Ben sprints out of the room. "Ben!" Asha takes a step to run after him.

"Asha!" Mara's voice calls out. "Where are you going?"

"I need to go calm Ben down." Asha says. "Alone." She adds on.

"I can't allow you to go off alone." Mara says. "I will talk to him after I drop you off in the courtyard."

"So it's true…" Asha mumbles. "What is going on?"

"I can't tell you that." Mara says with a sigh.

"Why not?"Asha huffs, confused.

"Because your uncle is convincing." Mara says.

Asha lets out a frustrated sigh. "Let's just get the food back." Asha grabs the dolly.

Before the two follow, Mara pats Zal on the shoulder. "Good job." The group moved back to the courtyard. When they arrived, Asha grabs her books and flings it open. Zal passes out food.

When he hands Asha hers, she turns it down with a cold, "I'm not hungry." No one pressed her to eat. She answers questions thrown at her, but other wise is quite, fighting her thoughts. Eventually, the sun begins to set and study groups break up. When hers break up, her walks over to Ezra, who dismissed his group a while ago, "Ready to go warden?"

"Asha…" Ezra starts.

"Save it." Asha marches off. Ezra follows her, with a sigh. When they get her back home, Asha storms to her room, slamming the door and collapsing on her bed. She ignores the call for dinner, worrying both her parents. She eventually meditates, before going to sleep. Her finals begin tomorrow.

Her finals go well. She allows herself to be fully engulfed in each question and allowing the Force to guide her as she pulled vague facts from early in the school year. After three days, her test are done and she now has to create new distractions from the fact she is never alone anymore. Ben is having issues, vanishing after tests and not talking to anyone.

Asha needs to talk to him, but she is never alone. She tries to talk Ezra into letting her talk to Ben alone for five minutes, but he refused. And then there is the fact that unless she is in her room, she doesn't get any alone time, which is quickly turning her bedroom into a prison within two days of the end of term break. It is making her ready to scream.

She's gotten much better at the box challenge though, with that being one of the few things able to get her mind off of things. But even that is failing now.

Finally after three days of prison, she decides to move on to the sheet exercise, in part to because she was bored and in part because she wants to do something she knows Ezra doesn't want her doing while on lock down.

After hang her bed sheet, she stands in front of the billowing sheet, slowly moving the lightsaber she's borrowed since she became a padawan three years ago. Something appears from behind the sheet. Asha jumps back in surprise. A hand comes from behind the sheet and pulls it back. The old hooded man stands there.

"You?" Asha asks startled. "What? Why can't I sense you?" Asha stares at them.

"Does the liar teach you nothing? I assumed you'd be aware of the art of the small." The man says.

"I am familiar with it." Asha says, not removing her eyes from him.

"I assume you haven't asked you master." He says.

"Don't need to. My father told me what happen." Asha says, stepping closer to the door. Her father is two rooms away. "Though, I have a few questions for you. Starting with why my master freaked when you got close to me."

"Your father didn't tell you how your master was involved with his blindness, I assume." The old man says. Asha steps back, startled. The man chuckles darkly. "You will never be able to continue your studies of the ways of the Force with out this knowledge."

"Why should I listen to you?" Asha growls.

The old man chuckles again, "When you're ready to listen, come to Malachor." The old man steps towards the window. "Search the archives. The location will be in the archive. The classified section. Highest security, I believe." He jumps out the window.

Asha rushes to the window but he is gone. "Malachor?" She mumbles. She wants to ignore what he said. But it fits too well with her crazy thoughts a week and a half ago. Only those thoughts don't seem so crazy anymore.

She needs to talk to her uncle, no matter what she promised her father. The only question is how willing is she to break her curfew? The answer: Very. She needs to know. Now!

She slowly sneaks out, barely able to breath. She's never snuck out before. She's never needed to and it feels awful. The living room seems much bigger. But soon she is in the hallways.

They are very creepier than normal. The lights are dimmed to conserve power. But, she has a mission. She can only hope Ezra is awake as she is already in a kriff load of trouble.

Ezra is awake and, much to Chopper's shegrin no where close to going to bed. "I will go to bed when I finish my letter to Issy. The taser won't get me into bed any quicker." Chopper beeps at him. "No, you don't need to get Hera!" Another beep. "Or Kanan! Look I just nee to talk to her about Asha and Ben-"

A knock interrupts his thoughts. He gets up and opens the door, confused. It's 0300! He is met by Asha.

Asha can literally see the loading bar over her uncle's head. After about five seconds, Ezra's expression changes from neutral to disappointment, shock and worry. "What are you doing here?" He leans forward, looking up and down the hall. "Did you come alone?" Ezra looks at her in disbelief. "You're not supposed to be alone!"

"I needed to ask you something." Asha says, causing Ezra to start at the coldness in her voice.

"I will never not be open to answering my padawans questions at anytime. But couldn't this wait till morning?" Ezra asks, confused by Asha's behavior.

"No," Asha says.

"Want to come in?" Ezra asks, realizing how off Asha is feeling. "I could make hot chocolate?"

"No." Asha says, startling Ezra.

"Everything alright?" Ezra ask, increasingly concerned.

"How did my father become blind?" Asha asks, searching his eyes for something that Ezra can't identify.

Ezra freezes, pulling into himself. "It was my fault." Ezra answers, and to Asha's horror she senses nothing but the truth in his Force signiture.

"I made a mistake…" Ezra admits, getting a lost in his own world of memories. Guilt eats at him.

Asha runs off, passing her panicked parents. She doesn't stop until she is in her room and the slam of door. She collapses onto her bed and uncrosses her lekku, something she's only done once before, when she was eleven found out her favorite tooka died. She only does uncrosses them when she is truly upset.

Hera and Kanan come in not long after. Whatever rant they are about to begin, stops in their throat. Hera asks, concerned. "You gave us quite a scare. Care to explain."

Asha just curls into herself, remaining silent. Hera sighs, "If you want to talk, anyone will listen. Heck, if you want to talk to Zeb or Sabine, they'll be here in the next few to celebrate your birthday." Asha thinks bitterly. Hera sighs, "I don't think I need to say it but you're grounded until further notice." Asha almost snorts, _Like I wasn't already?_ "And we are all here for you if you need us."

Two days pass without much change. Asha just remains in her room not moving much, worrying her parents to no end. By the end of the second day, Kanan is beside himself with worry. When Ezra tried to talk her, she wouldn't even look at her. Her father tries, again, after Ezra leaves. With a sigh, Kanan gives her a kiss to the forehead. "I love you, Sweetheart."

He turns to leave. "I love you, too, Dad." Kanan smiles, turning off the lights, hope radiating off his Force signature. Asha doesn't go to sleep, though. Instead, she changes out of her padawan robes and into civilian clothes. She can count the number of time she has done that since she first put on her padawan robes three years ago.

She pauses looking in the mirror. She looks strange in the dark blue short sleeve midriff top, arm bands wrapped around her upper arms, and tan pants. Even her leather headband has been swapped for a cloth one. _This isn't me. Not the me, I was… But it is me… The me I never knew. So who is this girl in the mirror? What is she like? What does she do in her spare time? Who is she when the Jedi is striped away?_

When the clock reaches 02:30, she gets up and pulls a bag from under her bed. She sneaks out with far more calm than she did a few days ago. She avoids patrolling guards and makes her way to the archives.

It is far too easy for her to break into the classified archives, using codes from the assistant librarian (Ben), her father and her uncle. She pulls up the information on Malachor, only for it to be blocked by a further password. She uses her father's skeleton code, the one that opens anything only top Jedi are suppose to know in the temple. He has no idea that she knows. It unlocks the files. She grabs the coordinates, without looking at the information. She marches to the hanger and goes to the ships that is her second homes, the _Ghost_ and the _Escape._ Her mother would kill her if she took the _Ghost._ But, right now, Asha wants nothing to do with Ezra, including his ship.

She goes to the _Ghost_ and preps for take off. As she takes off, Ezra runs into the hanger. "Karablast!" Ezra yells, seeing fly away.

Ezra takes a breath he needs to know where she is going before he can follow her. He rushes to the archive and scans what files she hacked. A gasp escapes his breath.

He pulls out his comm. "Chopper! Report to the _Escape_! Now! Asha is heading to Malachor!" He runs to the hanger, only pausing to grab a portable med droid.

Somewhere light years away, Asha climbs a mountain to the ruins of a temple collapsed long ago. As she reaches the top she sees the old man. "Come child, I have much to teach you."

"Who are you?" Asha asks.

The old man removes his hood, revealing a wrinkled horned man with red and black tattoos. "They call me Maul."

 **I will do a real Thank You Time next chapter. But I've already been uploading this for an hour and I don't think I can upload many more words. So Thank you all.**


	5. Interlude: Prologue: The Promised Memory

**RUHLSAR000 Here! Yes, I should be updating Ner Vod or putting a special to that. But I had this. This didn't even start out as a prologue to I Don't Blame You. It was its own thing with a little boy running around the campsite. But it fit so well as a prequel to I Don't Blame You. I had to. And the new clip. Oh, my spaceballs. Ezra's hair. I was so distracted by that the first time I watched the clip that I didn't even notice the other big change.**

* * *

The waterfall hums in the background, making my shoulders and head ache, slightly. The Force hums around me. Each creature, each plant shows up as a light, moving around my darkened vision. The Force churns almost excited. _Something is about to happen._ And no, it is not that the three of them will be arriving in a few hours.

I open my mind further to receive whatever vision(s) the Force wishes for me to receive.

Yet, the Force remains silent.

I open myself further, shifting completely out of my conscious mind, completely. _I am a tool of the Force. I am an instrument of the light side. I shall do what it commands. I am open to it's orders and guidance._

Nothing.

I pull out of my meditation, opening my eye. The water hammering down on me fills my senses. My long soaked hair clings to my neck as my soaked robes send chills down my spine. I glance at the six boulders I am floating around the water. Each is at least a half-ton, most are more than a ton.

 _I am too strong…_

I drop the stones. They land sending a splash thorough the edge of the large pond-river thing at the base of the waterfall.

 _If I fall again…_

My mind falls back to the day of my return.

 _I bow before my master of nine months for the first time. She appears before me for the first time, a projection from the temple after I put the Sith holocrom in some contraption. "Ah Young One, you have done well." I bite back my retort to the "young one" comment. I am not young. I am nineteen. "Shall we continue your lessons, Apprentice?" The dark projection smirks._

 _"Not today." A man obscured by a brown cloak rushes in, followed by a woman, also, in a cloak but with a blaster in her hand._

 _"Kill them, Apprentice." My master orders me._

 _I have killed seven people in the last nine months and I enjoyed none of them, not even the spineless Imperials. They needed to be done. Just as these need to be done. The man draws a lightsaber. A Jedi? This should be fun._

 _I ignite my lightsaber, the red blade cast a light on the room that always left me unsettled. But that will fade with time, I am sure._

 _We move at once. He strikes. I duck down while blocking, then flip up kicking him in the gut. He pulls back. I don't let him. I lock sabers with him. His cloak completely covers his face. How the kriff can he see anything…_

 _A little voice whispers to me, the same way Kanan can… I shove that voice away. I cannot think about them._

 _The man uses my half-moment of distraction to shove my lightsaber to the side and try to disarm me. I jump up and kick to his head._

 _The woman moves. I catch it out of the corner of my eyes. I flip back to the holocrom on its perch. I release my lightsaber, spinning it with the Force as fast it can go. Each of her blast bounce away from his master, scattering around the room. The man jumps next to the woman, blocking any that come near them as she continues to blast._

 _I fling my lightsaber at them in a sudden movement, rushing at them. The man deflects my blade as I slide through his legs. I bound up kicking the man away. I summon my blade, grabbing the woman's head, by her lekku, and place my blade to her neck. So she is a twi'lek…_

 _The woman lets out a scream, as I grip her sensitive lekku. She sounds familiar. The man freezes. I extend my sense over the woman, trying to sense who she is. I sense something else before I can rack my brain for and identification._

 _"Destroy her." My master commands._

 _I hesitate, "But... Master… The-"_

 _"Destroy her!" My master commands._

 _"She's pregnant!" I shout. Both the woman and the man stiffen in surprise. Conflict radiates within the man. I can catch the tail end edges of his thoughts. He is torn between his love and unborn child's safety and his son… Why?_

 _"Destroy her!" My master commands again. The fog radiates off my master, making it difficult to think. Her fog hasn't been this thick since… the begi…_

 _My master is the way to power and knowledge. Power and knowledge is the way to make the Empire to pay for what they did to me. I must follow her path._

 _"Ezra…" The woman whispers. A warmth fills me for the first time in so long that I had completely forgotten how cold I was._

 _"I won't…" I whisper. Since when has my goal been revenge… It has always been to help others, until… I came in contact with Malachor…_

 _The fog tries to swallow me. The Empire must pay-_

 _At what cost?_

 _Whatever cost-_

 _Including that of a child? Then, you're no better than the Empire!_

 _"Ezra, come back! I know your better than this!" The man says, lowering his hood, as he tugs on a bond that I thought had been severed and forgotten. "You are better than this. That's why our bond hasn't been severed! That's how we found you!"_

 _I feel a prickling in my eyes. Kanan… There he is. Blindfold firmly over his scarred eyes. It's all my fault… Like everything else… How… After everything I've done, how can he still care? Yet, a warm feeling passes through our bond._

 _And I can breath. I can think. This isn't the way. I will become no better than those I hate… I lower my lightsaber slightly from the woman's neck._

 _"No!" The woman in the holocrom shouts, activating the temple. Lightening comes from the wall attacking Kanan. Kanan deflects the lightening with his saber, but the fog engulfs me, again. The cold follows suit._

 _No… This isn't the way…_

 _But, it is… a voice whispers._

 _No. It isn't! I drop my saber and grab my head, falling to my knees._

 _Don't you want to make the Empire suffer? This Is The Path…._

 _No! If I loose myself, then what is the point?_

 _Think of your parents… They wished to destroy the Empire and make them suffer._

 _"No." They wanted to end the suffering._

 _This is the only way to protect those you care about!_

 _"No!" They're all gone because of my choices!_

 _Power is the only thing that matters!_

 _A small hand touches my shoulder, as my head hammers back and forth. For a moment, I crack open my eyes. Hera looks down at me, there is more concern radiating in her eyes I can recall._

 _"No... It isn't…" My voice is weak and in pain, but my confidence in the answer remains strong._

 _Hera brushes a hand against my cheek. She lets out a scream as she falls to the ground. Lightening is attacking her-_

 _Pain fills me, as a scream escapes my lips, but Hera's screams stop. Lightening is attacking me. I hold up my hand, using Force Deflection to take most of the lightening as I realize what is going. But Force Deflection is difficult even with a lightsaber. My arms are on fire. Thankfully, Hera is near enough to me that I can absorb any lightening directed towards her as we sit on the floor, pinned._

 _What is she to you? All she can do is hold you back. Cause you pain._

 _"No!" I shout before I can stop myself._

 _A large blast of lightning strikes me. I can't deflected it. Even from the short distance. The ground still hurts. Hera tries to grab me. "NO!" I order, freezing her in place in surprise._

 _The fog edges on to my consciousness. No! Hera needs me! My eyes drift to the holocrom. I can't blame everything on it. The fault is mine. But…_

 _"NOOO!" My hand shoots out toward the cursed artifact. It won't harm another. I crush it, drawing on every bit of the Force I can._

 _An explosion erupts in the Force, slamming into me. My ears ring from the shock. But for the first time in so long, I feel like I can breath and the blackness covering my eyes doesn't seem so dark._

 _And the blackness only gets brighter, along with a piercing headache._

 _I groan, flicking my eyes open. I push myself up slowly flinch as pain erupts through my shoulders and elbows. "Hey, Kid." Sabine's tired voice only mildly surprises me. I'm more surprise at the lack of restraints. "How ya feeling?"_

 _"Like my body been thrown against a wall like a rag doll." I move into a sitting position. I am in Kanan's room on the Ghost. I haven't been here for a while._

 _"The fact that that I know you're actually comparing to previous injures is disturbing." Sabine quips. "But, given Hera and Kanan had to carry your unconscious body out of a collapsing Sith temple, not surprising."_

 _"They shouldn't have bothered." I rest my aching head in my battered hands._

 _"How Can You Say That?!" Sabine shouts, grabbing my arm, causing a fire to erupt in my arms. I hiss in pain. Sabine releases me. "Sorry. How can you say that?"_

 _"I'm not worth it. I've done so many horrible things. I should be dead." I sigh._

 _"There is no redemption in death." Sabine says, firmly._

 _"There is no redemption. Period." I counter with a sigh. "But that doesn't mean I can't try." Sabine gently touches his shoulder. But my arm still hurts. I hiss again. Sabine pulls back. I try and push myself of the bed, but Sabine stops me before I can._

 _"Where do you think your going?" Sabine huffs._

 _"I need to see the others." I try to stand again._

 _Sabine sigh, "You have that look in your eye." She grabs my arm and pulls it over her shoulder then wraps her arm around my waist, lifting a large portion of my weight. She helps me make a painfully slow progress to the cockpit._

 _So slowly, I wonder why she didn't just go grab everyone. Though I am grateful. I… I don't want to be alone… Even if I am thinking clearly, I… I don't trust myself. I glance at Sabine. Maybe she doesn't trust me not to be gone if she were to leave._

 _Finally, we make it to the cockpit. As the door opens, everyone turns to me. Zeb is up immediately. "Hey, Kid." Zeb pats my shoulder._

 _"Ahww…" I groan, as my shoulder ignites in pain. I hear the familiar sound of Chopper's taser. I turn to him. He is putting away his taser, then noticing my look beeps at me. "Yeah, yeah, I expect you to do worse than just tase me if I am that stupid, again. Thanks for not tazing me, now." Chopper beeps again, utterly confused and more horrified than I have ever seen him, including several gestures with all three of his arms._

 _"Well… Sit down before you fall." Kanan orders, getting up from his seat. Sabine drops me into the copilot seat._

 _"So, where are we going?" I ask, afraid to ask._

 _"To the rebel base. Though we've had to move it twice since you've been gone." Hera smiles. "Everyone missed you so much…"_

 _A pain shoots through my heart as I think about all the people in the rebellion I left behind. And…_

 _Kanan brushes against our bond. He knows before I even say it._

 _"Hera, I can't go back to the Rebellion." I say as firmly as my battered body allows._

 _"What?" Everyone but Kanan shouts. Even, Chopper._

 _"Ezra, no one knows you fell to the Dark Side. And I don't think anyone but Rex would really care. They aren't fighting the Dark Side, they are fighting the Empire." Hera says._

 _"And that's the problem, Hera. I fell because my desire for justice turned in a desired for revenge. I can't… I can't be near something that temps me like that. Even if I release the pain and the anger to the Force, the Dark Side will still temp me. It might happen again. And no ones returned from the Dark Side even once, let alone twice." I say, tears threatening to spill over._

 _I am going to be alone again and it is nobody else fault but mine._

 _"You did." Kanan says, resting a hand on my shoulder. It hurts physically, but I lean into the comforting presence. The presence I'll have to leave soon._

 _"But for how long? Permanently? Temporarily? All I know is even if I can handle it, and I am not sure I can, I shouldn't put myself in a place to be tempted." I sigh, burying my head into my hands._

 _Hera sighs as well, "I see your point…" The prospect of leaving them hurts. How did I ever manage the first time? Oh, a dark presence numbed me to pain better then Corellian whiskey. "So, where do we head to?" She says, pulling us out of hyperspace._

 _"You can drop me off where ever is convenient for you. I've already been too much of a burden." I say, with a sigh. This is the way it has to be. No use crying over it. So don't cry._

 _"I said 'where do WE go'." Hera turns to look me in the eye._

 _My eyes widen as the realization pops into my head, "No, I can't ask you to do that. I can't ask any of you to do that."_

 _"Well, then it is a good thing you're not asking." Hera smirks._

 _"Don't you need to vote on things that affect the entire crew? Or has that changed since I've been away?" I ask. Everyone looks at me in disbelief._

 _"Alright, all those for leaving Ezra and return to the rebellion?" Hera says with an eye roll as she checks the database for planets near by with minimal Imperial presence._

 _Everyone remains silent. I spin the chair around to look at everyone in the eyes. None hold even the slightest hesitation. "For join Ezra in his self imposed exile?"_

 _"Are we really voting on this?" Sabine smirks._

 _"Did tha Dark Side completely scramble you' brain, Kid?" Zeb gently ruffles my hair._

 _Even Chopper beeps something about it being boring without me._

 _"You're my padawan, Kid. We're stuck together." Kanan smiles at him. "And before you say anything. I'd say returning to the Light Side, something that many masters have failed, makes you more than worthy to be a padawan."_

 _"See voting wasn't necessary." Hera smirks. "We're a family. We stick together."_

 _And like that, the dam breaks and I spend the next half an hour trying to stop crying._

I look down from my meditation rock under the massive waterfall. That day was a little under six years ago, shortly before the first Death Star was destroyed. The second was destroyed not that long ago. We've been staying on this forested planet. It's a slow life. Some days everyone is stir crazy. Some days everyone just enjoys our peace. I should be helping make sure everyone has this peace.

 _But Jedi are not warriors, they are peacekeepers. And violence only turns to ash._

I hear a splash not from the waterfall. I flick my eyes up to the source, not having sensed anything. _Odd,_ I note.

A figure cloaked in black stands in front of me, coldness, darkness radiating off the being. He towers over me as he steps on to my stone. My eyes narrow. "Is there something I can do for you?" I ask, raising an eyebrow.

"Why do you meditate there?" The figure asks, that sounds higher than it should. Or that I'd like to admit. "Is it not easier to meditate on the shore?"

"I like to meditate here. If I can meditate through distraction, I am more open to the will of the Force in any aspect of life. Be it dueling or doing whatever is required." I answer, calmly.

"You have not gone to battle in a very long time. You could have been a great military commander." The figure says, "With you mind and abilities."

"I am no general, nor warrior. The days of longing for battle are far behind me. I am happy to keep the native tribes from murdering each other and keeping the local fauna at peace with the tribes." I say.

"That is no life for someone of your abilities in the Force." The figure says.

"That maybe, but neither is what your offering." I counter.

"You could have revenge! You could have power!" The figure says, as if those are the most important things.

"And with those trouble always follow. Pity the poor man who reaches the top, for those will be the only thing there." I say, unwavering.

"YOU SQUABLE AWAY SUCH TALENT!" The figure shouts, clearly becoming angry, all persuasion gone.

"That maybe true from a certain point of view. However, from mine, it is a simple existence where I can practice my forms, spar, and take long walks without need of caring a weapon." I smile, feeling every breath of this planet. Each bird, vermin, and beast. Each tree, flower, and leaf. The Living Force twirls around me and fills me with each breath I take. I listen to the Cosmic Force as it tells me that another star must shine, has shined, and when I must join it. I know my place.

"Fight me!" The figure snarls.

"I have nothing to prove to the likes of you." I say, refusing the request of this specter.

"I said fight me!" The figure ignites a red lightsaber. He points it at my neck.

I look up under his hood, seeing one of the sights that haunted my dreams for the past six years. What lay beneath the hood are my own eyes turn bright yellow and my own mouth in a hideous snarl.

"No, I have nothing to prove to a representation of the darkness inside me." I say, shutting my eyes and returning to my meditation.

"Don't close your eyes on me!" The vision of darkness growls. And then he is gone.

And replaced by a familiar, and surprising, presence. "Master Yoda." I say, bowing to him in my kneeling form. I open my eyes as I sit up to see him. He is there in all his little impish glory. The only difference from his previous visits is that, he is covered in a blue tint. "It is good to see you after your passing. I am guessing the blue is do to you being an actual ghost."

"Oh, did your time as a specter turn you blue, hmm?" He smirks, in a teasing way.

"Only when I ticked off Sabine." I smile, as I see the spark of mischief in the eye of a friend and mentor. He chuckles at this. "What was that vision for?" I ask, tilting my head and filling my ear with water. I quickly right my head to stop the onslaught of water. I needed to be able to hear this.

Yoda chuckles a bit. "Tell me, since your return, why visit you, I have?"

"To make sure a Force user of my strength does fall, that the galaxy doesn't have two Darth Vaders…" I say, honestly. There is no point in denying my power. It is there. By not acknowledging it, I am far more open to the dangers. Trouble always finds power, and trouble always finds me. That really should have clued me in when I was younger.

"Maybe at first, however, Young One, six years ago face your darkness you did. Return to the light, you did." Yoda smiles, knowingly.

"So, why did you?" I ask, curious.

"Inherit your master's curiosity, did you? Good. Good…" Yoda says, with a smirk. "Give advice to all Jedi Knights, I have always done. The best advice, it isn't always."

"I'm guessing you also gave the advice to padawans and younglings as well." I smile, remembering Yoda's fondness for children.

"That I did," Yoda sighs. I frown as I clearly missed the message Master Yoda was trying to give.

"Meditate, you should. Focus on who you are, bring it outwards." Yoda instructs. I do so immediately. "Keep your hands up, about a fists with apart. Focus on drawing it there."

I do so. But it doesn't come easily. The meditation tries to slip away several times. It draws out my worst memories, from my parents being taken, to Ferpil dying in my arms, to Kanan being taken, of Kanan being blinded, of falling. But when ever it gets just a little too hard a good memory pops up, my parents singing him a lullaby that he had all but forgotten, hanging with Mo, joining the crew, and many more. My morals too surface, the ones my parents taught me, the morals Kanan and Hera taught me. The harder morals come, too, the ones I learned from the street and my own stupidity. _Never mess with a being who has less than you, you could be him next week. Steel only when necessary and from those who can afford it. Never leave a friend behind. Give permission to someone you trust to hit you in the head, when you are being stupid._

 _But, most importantly, you are never alone._

Finally, after what feels like an eternity, I close my hands around something, or three small somethings, as I am drawn out of meditation. It was a rare meditation, the kind that leaves the meditator exhausted and haggard afterwards.

I gasp for air as I look at Master Yoda. He nods to me. I return the nod as I stand. I move one boulder to the center of the pond area and sink it into the ground. I leap to it and kneel back down. I look into my hands.

Three purple kyper crystal stare up at me. I look up at Master Yoda. "What- But- How- Thank you."

"No thanks, needed. Create them yourself, you did." Master Yoda says.

"It hasn't felt right using my old lightsaber." I say. "I've been trying to rework it but…"

Yoda holds up his hand. "Reflection of the Jedi, a lightsaber is. Heart of the lightsaber, the crystal is."

"I understand, Master Yoda." I nod. I levitate my satchel from the bank over to the rock and open it. There is my lightsaber and several spare parts I have been working with. I set my crystals within the selection of parts and begin to meditate.

This meditation goes much easier as I've done it thrice before. As I construct it, I feel my connection grow into something unique, just as it had done for each of my lightsabers. My first, a mixture of native wonder and brutal pragmatism. My second, a desire to protect my family and to bring justice. My third, the one I had on the dark side, a desire for retribution. I had been using my second saber, but it didn't feel right.

This one is a phoenix, just like I am, coming from the ashes of my old self and his memories into something new.

Finally, it collapses into my lap. I look down at it. I notice the three emitters on the end to extend the phoenix's two short wings. A cross-guard lightsaber, just like the one I found on Malachor, where this whole thing started. It is fitting, I guess.

I hold it up and ignite it. Three blades of a beautiful purple come out. I deactivates and smile at Master Yoda.

"See it, may I?" Master Yoda asks. I hold it out to him. My lightsaber floats just out of his grip. He, then, ignites it. "Good. Good." He then places the blade above my right shoulder. I look at him confused. I don't sense any mal intent. But maybe I was too dangerous to be kept- No, if Master Yoda wanted me dead, I'd be dead. Whatever he has planned I will trust him. "By the right of the Council." He lifts up the blade and moves it to my other shoulder. "By the will of the Force, Rise Ezra Bridger." He quickly lifts the blade into the air.

I do as he says utterly confused. He deactivates my lightsaber and hands it to me. "Master Yoda? What does that mean?" I take my new lightsaber.

"It means, you are what you have been for six years, a Jedi Knight." Master Yoda smiles.

"What? I can't be- There is still so much for me to learn. And I fell." I argue. "I don't deserve to be a Jedi."

"Returned to the Light, you di. Not often, does that happen. But one of the few ways that a padawan can become a Jedi without the Trials, it is." Master Yoda says. "Still learning, I was, until my death. A padawan who thinks he knows everything, ready he is not. When he knows much to learn he has, ready he is."

"Master Yoda…" I start, again.

"So, hurt you are. Hardest critic is yourself." Master Yoda sighs, sadly, "Not convinced, think back to what you just faced."

"The vision of my darkness." I start to realize why he created it.

"Face it, you did. Concur it, you did." Master Yoda says, confidently. "Jedi Knight Ezra Bridger, live over nine-hundred year, I had. And few Jedi have face what you have. Ready to be a Jedi Knight, you are. Whether I say so or not, it is so."

"I… Thank you, Master Yoda." I bow to him. I look into his eyes. "I am not going to see you again, am I?"

"Say for sure, I cannot. Easy to maintain, this form is not." Master Yoda admits.

"But you'll always be with me in the Force. Just as my parents are, and every Jedi is, guiding us if we listen. Hopefully, someday I can be wise enough to help others understand that." I admit.

"Wiser than many I have met, you are. Ready for your next steps, you are." Mast Yoda says.

"They are on their way up already." I acknowledge the group of people climbing the mountain to my favorite meditation spot. I look down for a moment. "Thank you, Master Yoda. You have always been there when I need you, even when I was too stubborn to listen."

Master Yoda smiles, "A pleasure, it has been. The Force will be with you, always." And like that my friend and mentor is gone.

I release the sorrow I feel at our parting into the Force. I had a chance to say good-bye. That more than I thought I'd ever get when I felt him pass.

I lie on the boulder for a good ten, fifteen minutes, just enjoying the world around me. I marvel at the fact that I really feel no different. But if what Master Yoda said was true, why would I?

"Karablast, Kid. You climb up here every day after finish your chores and training?" I hear Zeb call.

I sit up and look at the group, my family, including the heavily pregnant Hera, and some familiar faces. "Well, yeah," I attach my lightsaber to my belt and jump over to them. I turn back and lift the boulder and return it to its original spot.

Han, who looks rougher in person, jaw falls. Luke looks somewhere between surprised and utterly happy. Leia, well, Leia just rolls her eyes. "Showing off I see. You gotten a lot better since you went MIA."

"I have no interest in showing. I was merely returning the boulder to its original location. It is not my place to change what nature has made to suit my wants." I explain.

Leia eyebrows shoot up; her jaw opens and closes a few times. "You are either showing off or you've matured since you went AWOL. Speaking of which, what happened?"  
"It was a dark time for me, and the repercussions of that are still occurring to this day. But things are better." I assure my ex.

Leia raises an eyebrow, "I'll trust you on that. This is-"

"Han Solo, Rebellion General and your brother Luke Skywalker, Jedi knight." I answer for her.

"How-" Leia starts but we both finish the answer. "Visions."

I smirk, "They have gotten more prevalent since we last spoke."

"Sounds useful." Leia says.

"Sounds like a headache. Time isn't a straight line. I've seen a million possible futures from a million possible decisions, each spring fro another million possible decisions. From this one to another of Knight Skywalker replacing the Emperor."

"My father or me?" Luke asks, startled.

"Pick." I roll my eyes.

Leia shakes her head, "If you saw so much bad, why didn't you come back? We really could have used you. I know you all filed for personal leave but..," She is confused. The Ezra who was her first love would have returned in a heart beat. But I am not him. Not because I am wiser or more mature, but I'm just not him.

"For one, sometimes, a little faith goes a long way." I admit, "Another, in trying to avoid a future, you most likely cause it. Living one day at a time is all we can do." Leia looks at me in wonder. Luke seems to sense my discomfort at that and clears his throat.

"So you and Jarrus are Force Sensitive? Jedi Knights?" Luke asks, almost hopeful, while also trying to diverge the topic.

I roll my eyes with a surprising amount of patience, knowing I'd be like that if I had watched every Force sensitive I knew die. "I am Force Sensitive enough to tell Leia is pregnant just by- You did not know that, did you?" All three have gone wide-eyed, mouths agape. They shake their heads. "Wow, um. Surprise?" Han is smiling, but looks thoroughly thrown.

Zeb starts chuckling in the background as I rub the back of my head. "Is this going to become habit for you, Kid? He did the same thing with Hera and Kanan a few months back."

I blush. "Right, given that we have two pregnant women and a probably over an hour long hike back. I suggest we start moving. I'd rather not invade the minds of everything that goes bump in the night on our hike down."

Luke nods. "Right, and I'd like to talk to you and Jarrus about-"

"Restarting the Jedi Order." I finish.

He raises his eyebrows. "Does he always finish other people sentences?"

"No, just for dramatic affect." Sabine smirks, in her colorfully stained tunic. There is a splash of purple on her cheek, a sure sign they had interrupted he painting some new project.

"I don't do it for dramatic affect." I say and before her eyebrows are fully up and a sarcastic comment is out of her mouth, I lightly and playfully punch her shoulder, "Mostly." She punches me right back. "Easy, I only got two of those."

"And I'd like to keep it that way." Hera says, knowing that it is in jest but stopping us all the same.

I smile at her. At her child. Kanan and Hera had said not long after I returned that there was no baby. And even if there was, they weren't at a place in their lives to have one. It was just my imagination. My mind was so caught up in the sways of the Force, I sensed something that wasn't there.

I wanted to believed them.

"Of course, Hera." I smirk. I am sure there is twinkle in my eye.

 _The vision of a half-twi'lek boy had changed to that of a girl._

"Oh, and, Ezra, why are you soaked?" Hera asks.

My eyes widen as I use the Force to pull the water off me and back into the pond-river area. "Come on guys, I am hungry."

"When aren't you?" Zeb rolls his eyes, ruffling my hair. I swat his hand away, as the group begins to move towards the trail.

"So, Captain Syndulla, mind telling me what names you and Kanan are thinking about?" Leia asks, as she walks next to Hera.

Hera smirks, "It's a surprise."

I smirk at my own personal joke.

Leia turns to Han. "Before you even think about it. We are not naming him 'Han Jr.' or after Chewbacca."

"Don't worry, Sweetheart. I know that is just asking for trouble." Han holds up his hands in mock surrender.

 _Naming after the hiding name of a Jedi isn't much better._ I think to myself.

I pause looking at the sun as it lowers down towards the arcs of two mountains, starting it's daily painting. I close my eyes and breath.

 _A little tan and green baby fills my vision as she plays with a stuffed tooka. I see her running a kaff table as she learns to walk. I see her at seven in a blue polka-dotted dress and a chocolate mouth. I see her with friends. I see her with family. I see her loved and being loved. But I also see much darkness and danger on several of the branches of her future._

"You coming, Ezra?" Kanan calls. The group is already quite a bit ahead.

"Yeah, I'm coming." I call back.

 _Asha Jarrus, I will protect you. I promise._

* * *

 **I think my name now is Bob Fluffkiller. I swear most of my stories start out as very fluffy and they don't stay fluffy. Perfect example, the Transmission.**

 **Question Time : It has been a while since one of these. **

**1) Was the misunderstanding between Ezra and Asha last chapter believable? That is always one of the hardest things to write.**

 **2) Thoughts on the clip?**

 **Thank You Time!**

 **For Chapter 3:**

 **Thank you Maximus Potter, Nono550, and ImperialEvolution for following.**

 **Thank you ImperialEvolution, The Delta 42, Maximus Potter, and Zaconator and Zackis for favoriting. (Wow, more favorites than follows. That is rare and awesome)**

 **Thank you casstrum93 for reviewing. Must resist urge to spoil…. Failing miserably. Thank you lamtuyetminh179 for reviewing. Uh…. Ben really is quite innocent here. I hate how all depictions in other fanfic have him already on the dark side and that ignores one very key fact. He trained with Luke. Luke would not have trained him if he was half as bratty as he is often portrayed. Thank you Midnight Luna for reviewing. Not even Inner fangirl likes Isolda. That hurts. I really like Isolda, she is comforting but doesn't put up with Ezra's unnecessary guilt. All the while representing a life he could have if he didn't fall or forgave himself. Thank you Jedi Jelsa777 for reviewing. You literally always give some of my favorite reviews. They are so touching. Thank you Kgirl1 for reviewing. Hope it is still entertaining. Thank you ImperialEvolution for reviewing. 100% there is more going on than meets the eye. My writing style is very in depth. I have at least a vague background for each character and more often than not a fully-fledged story that is their own. I know where each character is, what they are doing, what and why they are feeling before I even start writing. That is why most of my work is so long. I am really trying just make this Ezra and Asha's story, so a lot of info is cut. But the thing about stories is they are all interwoven. It is actually to the point that I am considering making a sister fanfic star Ben as these events effect him just as much as Asha and Ezra.**

 **Chapter 4:**

 **Thank you rebel-blueberry for favoriting. Thank you Midnight Luna for reviewing. If Harrison Ford and Robert Downey Jr are still hot, Ezra most certainly can be. He is still the Temple Heartthrob, much to his annoyance. Thank you casstrum93 for reviewing. Yeah, if she returns to the light, Asha will so be grounded. This is the point you** **realize there is no guarantee that she will.**


	6. Chapter 5: The Mind Obscured

**RUHLSAR000 Here! So, I was talking to my parents about the last weeks Ner Vod chapter and it some how led to the revelation that Jar Jar would be a better president than either of the candidates. For my American readers, how did this happen? Don't get me wrong; I like Jar Jar, but seriously? To my non-American readers, we are still trying to figure out what happened. Anywho, I DO NOT OWN STAR WARS REBELS! INSERT MICKEY PUN WHEN YOU THINK ONE UP! I apologize for errors, delays, and long-winded author's notes (This chapter was a nightmare to edit).**

"This is a lightsaber of the ancient Sith Lord, Darth Treya." Maul says, his satisfaction and pride oozing into the Force. And why wouldn't it? He had won. He had turned the eyes of one whose only ever been blinded by light to the truth of the darkness.

"I will use them well, Master." Asha takes the lightsaber, neither acknowledging a debt by thanking him or making statements of discontent at not making her own.

Still, it feels wrong in her hands. The weight is too far forward. The hilt, too small. The curved hilt makes it too hard to grip correctly. Hopefully, she'll adjust to this lightsaber.

 _"The lightsaber is the reflection of the Force-user."_ Her former master's voice whispers past lessons into her ears. She pushes the traitor's lessons away.

"I am sure you will, my apprentice." Maul brushes her shoulder with the tips of his fingers. It prickles against her skin, uncomfortably. But she says nothing, not willing to risks angering her teacher and depriving herself of the knowledge she needed…

 _For what?_ A voice sounding like her former master whispers into her ear. Asha sighs, releasing her frustration into the Force.

Maul's eyes narrow, unnoticed by Asha, "Come, let us begin your training in the true ways of the Force." Maul turns and takes a few steps towards a piece of debris in the ruins of this dark temple. Asha follows, stopping only a half step behind him. "This was once a great temple until two Jedi came, a master and a padawan, to destroy all knowledge of the Dark Side. Horribly close-minded. And horribly misplanned." Maul extends his hand, a piece of debris that once made up a piece of the walls floats upward. "The Dark Side cannot be destroy, nor the knowledge unknown. Should the vessel of that knowledge be destroyed, the knowledge will be refound. For as long as there is the Force, there is the Dark Side." The boulder implodes on itself crumbling into dust.

Asha covers her eyes with her arm to protect her eyes from the dust.

"Your angry is a wellspring. You must use it." Maul states. "Your passions give you strength. And through strength, you gain power. You have seen it. You feel it." _No, she doesn't_ , Asha doesn't even acknowledge that truth.

Or the whispers of one of her past master's many lectures that she listened to with pen in hand, desperate to absorb his words, " _Any strength gained through anger is no more lasting than a castle made of sand. I won't lie. It can give you strength, can make you fiercer in sparring, allow you to lift thing far heavier than you thought possible. But it will only last seconds, leaving you exhausted and drained and unable to do anything of substance. To be a castle of stone, you must see beyond what your emotions present."_ Asha wishes she could cleanse her mind and shut him up.

"You must break your chains." Maul orders, that cruel smirk never leaving his face.

Asha nods, again ignoring the protests of her former Masters, focusing instead on a larger piece of debris. _She will not be out done!_ The unconscious thoughts she had long tried to let go surfaces. _I WILL Not Be Out Done!_ All the insecurities she has faced alone over the years stir just under the surface of consciousness. _Not by all the students better at reading than her. Not by Ben who things always come so easily for. Not by her lying uncle who is always so right when she is so wrong. Not by every padawan who moves forward in the one thing she is good at while she is left in the dust._ A snarl rips through her throat as the boulder shatters.

 _I only need a few seconds to destroy my enemies,_ Asha glowers at the dust as she thinks.

"Well done, my apprentice." Maul congratulates, satisfaction oozing of him. _Like puss from a wound,_ Asha thinks as she takes a breath.

Asha's head jerks up as she senses a familiar presence in the Force. A ship has enteres the atmosphere of this bleak onion of a planet. An uncomfortable pit forms in her stomach.

"So… the lost padawan returns to the place he blinded his master." Maul says in a forlorn mournful voice, though he is unable to hide his smirk as Asha stares ahead. "It is far too soon for you to face him. However, he seems to be unusually persistent, as he has not set foot on Malachor since that day. And I've learned best to deal with thing in the present lest they get out of hand in the future. Shall we welcome him?" Maul walks forward, arms behind his back.

"Yes, Master." Asha says, ignoring the pit that is still growing in her stomach. _He is too strong…_ Asha shuts the thought down before it can form any further.

Asha moves to follow him, but pauses as the Force tugs at her attention to a small point on the ground. And by the last remains of her Jedi trainer, more habit than anything, she looks down towards it. A small blue lightsaber crystal lies on the ground. That's not unusual. With the amount of discarded lightsabers in this place, it is hardly a surprise to see a kyper crystal. But, there is something different… and familiar about this one. Asha bends down and scoops it up.

A boy whispers into her ear. _"I'm not afraid of you."_ A mechanical voice answers. " _Then you will die braver that most."_

"Come, Apprentice." Her master orders.

"I'm getting real sick of everyone telling me what I can and can't do." Asha mutters under her breath, tucking the crystal away. She rushes into step behind her master.

They walk at least a mile away from the temple, in a cavern under the upper crumbling crust ground. Finally, though, they arrive.

He is just sitting there, calm and at ease. He isn't meditating, but he sits in that kneeling position. He is in the light, where the crust has crumbled in. But he is not just in the light, he is a light, blaring in the Force, calm, kind and with the same patience he has always had.

"Well, well, well… Your way of chasing is by sitting. No wonder the Jedi Order fell." Maul taunts.

"The Dark side ain't in a much better state." Ezra smirks, standing. He stares directly at Maul. "And you still came. So tell me who is the bigger fool, the fool who set a stupid plan or the fool who fell for the stupid plan?" He ignites his purple cross-guard lightsaber.

Asha eyes widen in shock. Jedi Master Bridger is well known in the order for rarely actually drawing a blade outside of teaching purposes. Asha actually could barely recall five times he drew it while sparring. Most of the time he disarmed his opponent and used their blade. In fact, there are rumors at the temple of him developing a lightsaberless form, an VIII form.

"Aggressive of you." Maul says, with a smirk. "But you will not be fighting me."

A nervous pulse runs down Asha's spine as she steps forward. She takes a breath, focusing her anger, her resentment. The power of the Force surges through her veins and without even striking she knows she is faster, stronger and more powerful than ever before. This world and all worlds can be at her mercy. She can take down the First Order, then Ben can be with his parents. She can take down the Republic and put in a system that actually does poodoo. She ignites her new blade.

"Oh, Asha… What have you done…" Pity fills Ezra's eyes as he stares down at her.

"I have seen the truth! I've seen that you're nothing more than a liar, a thief, and a con artist. And if that's what it means to in the light than I don't want anything to do with it! I don't want anything to do with you!" Asha shouts at him.

Ezra takes a calming breath. It wouldn't be clear to anyone else, but Asha knows him. That hurts him. Badly. "I may have been all of those things once, however, those are not the path of the Light Side. That was the path of selfishness, of deceit. The path I walked before I knew of the Force. The path I walked when I was utterly lost."

"Enough of you blathering." Asha growls. "The time to talk is over. Now is the time for lightsabers to meet."

Ezra turns off his lightsaber and drops it to the ground. "I will not fight you, Little One."

The term of endearment is a stab to the heart that Asha is too numb to feel. Asha's eyes narrow, as she reaches out her hand and summons the lightsaber. With a flick of her wrist, she turns it on and slides into a low fighting stance. "Then you will die."

She flings herself at him with a double strike. He flips through the gap between the lightsabers with more agility than a man in his forties should be able to have. He shoots out his leg to sweep her legs. Asha jumps back, purposefully landing on her shoulders. She pushes the ground, springing back onto her feet, and finishing a strike.

Ezra sidesteps the attack, resisting the urge to put an elbow into his opponent's kidney as he does so. "Asha, enough." Ezra orders.

"You're not giving orders anymore." Maul smirks.

Ezra glares at him before ducking Asha two blades. "Asha-" The girl in question strikes faster. "This-" She flips over him to kick his kidney. He dodges it. "Isn't-" Ezra jumps back, spinning to look at her. "You-" She springs at him. Ezra grabs her wrist and spins her around, restraining her arms. "He is playing you. Like he plays everyone! As soon as you aren't useful, he will get rid of you. Asha, you are so much more than him." Asha struggles against his grip. "You're more than me. You're more than your father. You're more than… you brother ever could have been." The amount of pain in his voice outmatches Asha's confusion. The grief coming off him pins her far more than his arms ever could. Asha's breath struggles under the waves of grief. It is literally suffocating. Asha forces herself to take a deep breath, trying to ignore the pain and grief.

Ezra continues through a pain filled breath, letting the grief he can let go of go and hiding the rest, "You are kinder, stronger, more determined than anyone I have ever met. I knew that the moment I first saw you in a vision of you before you were even born. And that was reinforced when I held you in my arms for the first time. And every moment I have spent with you since."

Asha thrusts her head forward, yanking a rock with the Force into the back of Ezra's head. In his momentary distraction, Asha breaks away. She spins around and raises her lightsabers. Ezra looks at her, his eyes glistening with years of unshed tears. "I know, Kanan is your father, and I would never do anything to come between that. He holds a place in your heart I can never have. But, Asha, you are the closest thing I have to a daughter. The closest I will ever get to having a daughter. I will do anything to get you to comeback to Kanan and Hera and everyone. I will leave the Order. I will stop contacting everyone. You'll never have to see me again. Just come home, before you destroy yourself. Please."

"Your words mean nothing!" Asha shouts, more pain lacing her voice than she'd like. "You lied to me for my entire life! If That's what you do to someone you think of as a daughter! Then, it a kriffing good thing you don't have kids!"

The look on Ezra's face would have ripped Asha apart had she been her normal self. However, she is not. With a growl, she strikes at his legs. Ezra breaks away from his hurt surprise, jumping away. She nicks his left calf, badly. Ezra wobbles as he land, hissing in pain.

Ezra breathes, drawing in the Force to numb the pain and mute the weakness in the leg. He ducks Asha's strikes, grabbing her wrist and twisting her arm into an arm bar. He pins her to the ground and disarms that one arm. "I don't want to hurt you. But -"

Ezra jumps back, forced to release him, as Maul strikes at him. Asha springs up. "You're not helping." Ezra grips his hands into fists and glares at them.

"He is mine." Asha grows. Maul just smirks. Asha springs forward. Asha kicks at Ezra, who dodges with ease. Even as weakened and emotionally exhausted as he is, he could easily keep up with her. He is a master, after all. But Asha was one of his best students and unquestioningly knew him the best.

She springs at him with three quick strikes. Ezra knows her kick to his legs is next. As Asha knows he will spring to the right. Ezra ducks her high strike. They dance around like that, both trying to get the upper hand but knowing the other too well to succeed.

Had this been a normal sparring session between the two, where neither is trying to hurt each other (even with Asha's tunnel vision), it would have ended with Ezra off balancing Asha, sending her to the floor in a controlled decent. Then he'd scold her for the tunnel vision. They'd go over her mistakes while making jokes and laughing. Then they'd either do another round or head over to Asha's home for dinner, playfully bantering or, if they were too exhausted, simply enjoying the presence of a loved one.

But, this wasn't a normal sparring match. This wasn't a day from Asha's naïve youth. Deep down Ezra knows the only thing keep him safe is his years of experience. _But Ezra knows that can only keep him safe for so long. Asha is in her prime and arguably the greatest duelist of her generation. And if Maul decides to step in…_ Ezra refuses to let these thoughts get a foothold in his conscious mind, as he dodges Asha's anger filled strike. Asha glowers at the man who "once" was family.

Asha summons her emotions again, channeling the Dark Side again. She faints to his right shoulder, shooting out her leg to kick to his left knee. Ezra weight buckles as he falls to his knees.

Asha holds both lightsabers to his neck, so close that they burn the first layer of skin, with nothing but malice in her eyes. Ezra looks into her eyes. He doesn't need to say he loves her or state his believes in the good in her, it is clear in his crystal blue eyes. He lowers his head, accepting whatever she decides. Asha blinks at the trust he still has in her.

"Kill him." Maul orders with a smirk, his revenge baring fruit after so long. Yet, her hands stay. Asha looks at the purple lightsaber. It fits about as well as the red lightsaber in her right hand. It is too big, too rough, made for hands more calloused than her own. And yet… A feeling of being safe resonates within her. _Tackling him when she first became his padawan. Him letting her practice with his lightsaber after dinner, gently taking her hand in his and correcting her. Feeling safe in his massive arms._

The lightsaber's color had always been odd to her. _Purple, the color of those who walk or have walked in the gray..._ _A mixture of the blue of the Jedi guardian and the red dark side... A color that never seemed to match her loving and kind uncle…_

"Kill him." Maul orders again, growing impatient.

Asha looks down at her childhood idol. He always seemed so strong… so kind… so perfect… But…

"I can't…" Asha whispers.

"What?" Maul growls.

"No. I won't!" Asha shouts, deactivating the lightsabers. "I don't care what mistakes he has made in the past." Her uncle looks up at her and smiles at her. She returns the smile. A Force push flings her away. She lands with her breath being knocked out of her on the hard rock of the ruins.

"If you won't, then I will get my revenge myself." Maul snarls. Ash pushes herself up onto her elbows, through the pain in her gut, just in time to see Maul's lightsaber tear into Ezra's face.

"UNCLE!" She wheezes with the last bit of her breath, as Ezra falls back. _He'll Pay!_ Her gut yells. _No! Uncle Ezra wouldn't want that. You're emotions are clouded._ Her heart warns. _Separate yourself from temptation_ , her mind advises. But that little voice that always whispers the most distracting thoughts at the worst times decides to speak up, _What if he is still alive?_ Asha doesn't give that one much hope, but tries to quell her emotions, or at the very least push them to the side until it is the proper time, so she can sense her master.

But whether he is there or not, she cannot sense through the torrent of emotions storming through her. Disgust, anger, frustration, more anger, and most of all regret fly around so thick that she can barely even attempt to regain her breath.

Pain interrupts the storm of emotions as Maul pulls her up by her left lekku with no intension of being gentle. "Now, my Apprentice, we shall be leaving and _discussing_ your failure."

"No!" Asha pushes through the pain and twists herself to kick him in the chest and rip herself from his grip. She'll worry about why her lekku stopped feeling pain, even residual pain, halfway through her twist. She Force jumps twenty feet away, forcing desperately needed air back into her unwilling lungs.

"You really think you can run." Maul looks appealingly amused. "Your master, one of the last Jedi Masters, is dead, after chasing after you. You have tasted the Dark side. It echoes through your being, your Force signature, as easy to see as your grotesque eyes. Surely, you know how this looks. Even if they don't execute you outright, they won't accept you back. There is only one path for you, and that is with me." He takes a step forward.

"There are always more paths. We just aren't always able to see them through the brush." Asha says, taking a step back, looking for a way to make a break for it. Even with her surprisingly calm answer, her eye reflects the truth that is echoed in her Force signature. She's afraid. She's terrified.

"You think s-" Maul asks, with a confident smirk, but is cut off by the sound of a lightsaber being ignited.

Ezra, face hidden beneath a discarded Old Order temple guard mask, stands there, calm, confident, a master of the blade, looking every bit the Jedi Master he is. "Asha, don't listen to anything he says. It's either bantha poodoo or a twisted manipulation." He voice calm and steady.

"Well, this is… _disturbingly…_ familiar." Maul glares at Ezra.

"Like Master, like padawan." Ezra smirks. Asha can here it in his voice. "Asha, now, isn't a time for emotions." Asha knows, trying again to pull away from her emotions.

Maul springs his attack. He strikes at Ezra's head. Ezra blocks the attack with ease. Maul strikes low. Ezra flips his lightsaber, blocking again. Maul strikes three times in quick succession. Ezra blocks each strike, moving more slowly, deliberately on his feet than his normal quick footed self.

Asha tries to release her emotion but it's too much. She looks at the fight.

Ezra isn't fighting like he normally does. Instead of quick movements and flips, Ezra is firmly planted. While he always relied on the Force when she's seen him spar, it was never to this extent. And in doing so he is shining brighter in the Force than she has ever scene. _That's it!_

She focuses solely on his shining presence as it radiates onto her. She moves the emotions to the side, not getting rid of them, but calming herself enough to think clearly and focus further on the Force. And in doing so she realizes Ezra's pain. His head is a minefield, but Asha is more concerned for his leg wounded, the wound on his leg. Even with the Force aiding him and his ability to ignore the pain, it is limiting his ability to use that leg.

And she isn't the only one to notice. Maul starts hammer his injured side, forcing him back. "You've weakened." Maul taunts.

"Funny, I was about to say the same about you." Ezra says, deflecting a strike. "I'm injured. And tired. What's your excuse?"

Maul snarls, locking blades with vicious force, pinning Ezra beneath his strength. Maul kicks out Ezra's injured leg. Ezra screams as he falls to the ground. Maul swings his lightsaber down. Ezra messily rolls away, getting grazed in his side. Maul kicks Ezra's lightsaber away and steps on to Ezra's injured leg, placing his weight on it. Ezra growls in pain. "I should make you suffer for as long as your body can stand and throw your corpse to the scavengers." Maul grinds his foot into Ezra's knee. "But you have gifted me my new apprentice and your weakness has kept me alive. So I will give you a quick death, knowing it was your weakness that brought her to me." Ezra screams as several bones of his knee shatter. Maul smirks, and brings down his lightsaber.

Purple meets red in a flash of green.

Maul is so surprised that he doesn't fight as the lightsaber flings his away from his target. "I will not let you hurt the Jedi." Asha's voice echoes as she raises her lightsaber back to center. Her voice is both old yet young, energetic yet weary, cold yet kind, familiar yet strange, light yet dark. Asha barely recognized it, as she barely recognizes anything of her.

She could sense so much more. The darkness of this planet woven with the light of others. She sees the way the Force ebbs and weaves, the way the Force breathes. And when it breathes, she breathes. When it exhales, she exhales. She is all at once, one with the Force, a bystander, and its tool.

Asha summons the red discarded red lightsaber, igniting it in a fluid motion. She is balanced. She is Light. She is Dark. She is All and she is nothing. Maul sees the shift in " _his"_ apprentice and turns into a battle stance, then springs forward. Asha blocks each strike with the ease of thousands of lifetimes, thousands of experiences coursing through her. She counters without hesitation, then strikes again and again. Maul blocks each strike, ducking the last one with the nick of a horn. He snags a kick into her gut. Asha doesn't flinch, her eyes don't even widen. Instead, she pins his lightsaber with the red lightsaber and strikes with the purple one. Maul slips by the attack and flips over her, landing on the stone where Ezra first sat. He lowers the point of his lightsaber so that it is level with Asha's height, as he towers over her. "I have the high ground."

Asha swipes at his feet. Maul blocks. With his lightsaber down, Asha flips over him, blocking the strike towards her. Asha stabs at his heart with the red lightsaber. Maul blocks, flinging the red lightsaber from her left hand. But that was never Asha's target.

With the purple lightsaber in her domient hand, she cuts through his unprotected neck. The lightsaber falls from her hand as his head falls to the ground, followed by his body.

Asha, suddenly, realizes how hard she is breathing, practically grasping. Suddenly, the pain in her muscles surfaces. Her stomach is in so much pain, that it threatens to empty right then and there. And the bone numbing tiredness hits her. She collapses onto her butt on the rock. As she gasps, staring down at Maul's unmoving corpse, her eyes widen, terrified. She scrambles back, further into the light, kicking Maul's body away. It falls off the rock and into the black abyss. But his head remains. Even lying on its side, his eyes seem to stare up at her. The light turns his lips to a smirk, as if even in death he had won.

Asha shakes. _She had killed. Something no Jedi, knight or padawan, has done for over sixteen years. Since before she was born._ An awful thought enters her mind, _Am I even a padawan anymore…._

She doesn't look up as the sound of stones being pushed around reaches her ears, as a familiar presence approaches with a limp and stumbling. Ezra sits down next to her. Asha can't even bring herself to look at him. _She has failed him. How can she even consider asking him, begging him to possibly forgive her…_

Ezra sighs, "You know, this is the exact spot where I met Maul…" Asha tilts her head. Ezra wraps his arm around her shoulder. "I probably would have gone down it eventually, I was so reckless… But he was the first one to really tempt…" Ezra's voice grows weak. Asha feels his weight lean against her. She turns to him, confused by the change. But the turn removed the last of his supports. Ezra falls forward, hitting the ground with a sound far to similar to Maul for her liking.

"Uncle Ezra!"

Ezra doesn't respond, slipping farther into unconsciousness.

"Uncle!" Asha cries pushing him onto his back. She touches his side to shake him awake, only for him to wince and her to feel a warm liquid on her fingers. She looks down to see a dark red spot growing on that famous obnoxious orange robe.

"UNCLE!"

 ***An old phone rings** *** "Hello? Hello? Ah, hi! For my safety, I have decided to record Thank You Time and have it play while I am in an undisclosed location. Thank you Geccarenee13 and xCassibx for following and favoriting. Thank you FandomAngstQueen for following. Thank you cassturn93 for reviewing. I'd like to point out that Kylo Ren's lightsaber is not a proper cross guard lightsaber as stated by various sources. The guards act as vent to prevent overloading do to the cracked lightsaber crystal. Meaning it was not originally Ezra's. So no worries, right? Thank you Midnight Luna for reviewing. I have no issues with you dumping your issues on me. I like being able to help. And if you ever feel like you really need to talk to someone, don't hesitate to come talk to me. Literally, the only thing that mildly bugs me about your reviews, is that you never refer to Isolda by her actual name. You've kind of been calling her Isodora since she appeared. I hope you are feeling better. Thank you Jedi Jesla777 for reviewing. Wow, here I thought last chapter's fluff had been killed with a spork. Glad you liked-" *A music starts playing* "Oh, no... Where am I again?"**


	7. Chapter 6: Recovery A

**RUHLSAR000 Here! And I would advices anyone against hiding in a Chuck E. Cheese rip off. Or pissing off fangirls with the wait. But the main issue was that this is so long. Given my issues with length, I am going to break this up into three chapter. ANs will be here and end of last chunk.** **I DO NOT OWN STAR WARS REBELS! Its Made By the Mouse!** **Hope you all enjoy.**

Asha is only conscious enough to register the fact she should be grateful to be unable to process more of what is going on. The past is gone. The future doesn't matter. There is only the now. There is only the here.

Even as her eyes flutter open, she can't shake the fog clouding her mentality. Bubbles pass over her blue-green tinted vision. Beyond are distorted versions of her mother, her lekku twitching wildly, and her Aunt Sabine, staring at sheet of paper with an unhappy glower, both clear signs that they where both worried, possibly on the verge of panic. Her Uncle Zeb walks in rubbing the back of his head and with a look, he wordlessly conveyed a message that Asha can't comprehend.

Asha is floating. _I am dreaming._ Asha registers. She reaches out a hand. It knocks into an invisible wall, creating a small tap. Their heads snap to her, rushing to the invisible wall. _Where's Dad? Where's Uncle Ezra?_

Her mind yells at her so loudly she can't comprehend what it is saying, as she is filled with the need to find him, to find her uncle. Asha opens her mouth to ask where he is, but something, something plastic gags her.

Reaching up a hand, she feels a mask, covering her face and connects to a pair of tubes. _Oh, please don't let there be a mirror showing me in Darth Vader's mask_. Asha groans at the thought of a bizarre dream turning dark as they so often do, especially for Ben.

A sound echoes from above. She looks up to see the surface of water, glowing, from underneath. She kicks up to it, breaking the surface. "I got you." Dr. Marian says, grabbing her armpits like she is a small child. _A bacta tank?_ Everything crashes down on her.

"Where's Uncle Ezra?!" Asha yells desperately, yanking her mask off. "Uncle Ezra!" Asha calls out before she's even been fully out of the tank.

"I will knock you out if I have to." Dr. Marian warns.

"Asha, we'll take you to Ezra, but you need to be checked out first." Her mother has crawled up to the platform at the top of the tank. Her mother's hand finds her cheek. Hera smiles, a tired relief shining in her eyes. Her arms wrap around her daughter. Guilt fills Asha as she realizes what she had put her parents through, what she is still putting them through.

"Yeah, alright…" Asha agrees, only for her mother. In all honesty, she can't bring herself to care about her health, not even when the doctor tells her sadly that left her lekku is partial paralyzed. She deserves it and far more.

Finally, after being wrapped in her light blue fluffy robe, she is led into the quarantine section of the medical wing. Asha gulps, as she walks through the door to an observation room. She is met by four people, including Master Skywalker and Knight Jade-Skywalker, who look up immediately. Her father and, of all people, Her Majesty Queen Isolda are pinned to the window. The walls of the observation room are decorated with cards and flowers.

Asha looks past everyone, through the window, to her uncle. Her hearts knots itself. She rushes to the window, pinning her nose to the glass.

He is in a hospital bed. A breathing mask rests over his mouth and nose. An IV pumps fluid into his veins. A feeding tube has been placed with his throat. But the worst thing, that she can see at least, is the bandages wrapped around his eyes. The rest of his wounds are hidden away under a scratchy sickly yellow blanket, though she knows what they are, a slash to his side that nearly killed him and a leg so mashed up that he may be walking with a limp for the rest of his days. He also has a nasty concussion that cannot be seen.

Asha wants to do nothing but scream _that isn't Ezra! He uncle isn't that fragile, or broken but… She did this…_ "Why isn't he in a bacta tank?" Asha asks.

"The doctors wanted to be able to examine him more closely and not be inhibited by a need to get him out of the tank if they needed to interfere. And the bacta would have made it harder for him to breath. It wouldn't provide any benefits if he is in coma, rather than a healing trance." Her father puts a hand on her shoulder, clearly gulping back tearless cries to be strong for everyone. Asha can't help but think that isn't fair, _He is the last person who should be strong right now. Everyone should be supporting him._

"Asha," Master Skywalker steps forward. "I know you have been through a lot, and I don't want to rush you. But I need to know what happened and if there is a threat to the temple."

His wife looks ready to smack him, "Luke, your friend is recovering from a near death experience-"

"There is no threat." Asha interrupts, with a shake of her head and tears building in her eyes. And with that she launches into her tale, breaking away a few times to curse her stupidity. Surprisingly, only Isolda is able to pull her out of these tangents. As she finishes, Asha realizes that she has buried herself into Isolda's arms. And in that moment, Isolda isn't a queen; she isn't even a former professor. She is her Aunt Izzy, who was even more apart of her childhood than Aunt Sabine or Uncle Zeb. The same Aunt Izzy that was over for dinner once a week after she turned nine and would watch whatever stupid shows Asha had on repeat at Ezra'a apartment with her. The aunt that would always make time to play a game with her, or help her with her reading skills. And Asha doesn't deserve it.

Asha takes a ragged breath, pulling herself away.

"Asha, you do realize you are grounded for life. Like I will be enforcing this when you like forty. Your kids will be asking why you are grounded before you are ungrounded." Hera looks her daughter in the eyes.

"Yes, Mom." Asha resigns herself to it.

"And for killing Maul, you are getting extra dessert for a week at least." Hera pats her head.

"Hera!" Kanan protest.

"What? I am not a Jedi. I can feel satisfaction at that monster's death especially after what he has done to you. To him" Hera gestures to Ezra. "To her!" She gestures to Asha. "You know as well as I, he's been hunting Asha since she was born! Ezra was gone for months at a time trying to find him!"

"What?" Asha whispers, shaken.

Isolda sighs and whispers into her ear. "It's the reason why he was gone for most of your early years." Asha looks up at with a clear question in her eyes, _why was this hidden from me?_ Isolda sighs, rubbing her back comforting.

"I hear what you're saying, but the death of any living creature should not be celebrated." Kanan argues. Hera raises a tattooed eye in her infamous you-have-got-to-be-kidding look.

A doctor enters the room.

"How is he?" Asha asks, breaking them up. Both Hera and Kanan shut up turning to the doctor immediately.

"He is stable." The doctor says. "A single visitor can now sit with him now."

Everyone's eyes shift to Kanan, but Kanan looks to Isolda. "Isolda, would you like to go in?" Several confused looks cross the faces in the room.

Isolda shakes her head, "Kanan, you're his brother. I know, you're worried about him."

"And you're his wife." Kanan says, causing Asha's jaw to drop as everything clicks together. And her jaw isn't the only one to drop.

"Ex…" Isolda says, weakly.

"Not by either of yours choices." Kanan says. "I know, he's missed you, terribly."

"Thank you for being there for him when I couldn't be there for him." Isolda says, a pained look covering her face. "None of you mind?"

"Ezra would be utterly happy to have you there." Kanan shakes his head, as does everyone else, though that may have been shock more than anything.

"Thank you." Isolda wipes the tears forming in his eyes away. Isolda follows the doctor out.

"When did Ezra get married?" Hera asks in a voice that sounds more like "You were going to tell me when?"

"I don't know. Not long before the former Queen died. Though, apparently, they began their, and I quote, 'official' on-and-off relationship around Asha's ninth birthday." Kanan says rubbing his forehead, clearly already hearing the scolding he is going to get later tonight.

Hera sighs, letting it go for now.

"And here Sabine and I thought he was gay." Zeb gruffs, sitting down with a sigh.

"Zeb." Sabine warns, before shaking her head. "It's true, though."

Asha watches as Isolda is lead in, cover in scrubs, gloves, hairnet, and facemask. She sits down, and takes Ezra's hand. Gently, she presses it to the facemask as if kissing it. The doctor lightly scolds her. Isolda immediately lowers the hand, but doesn't release it, as if letting it go means he'll be gone.

Asha enters a haze as her parents drag her away, putting her on bed rest. And she stays like that without much prompting or stimulus, wallowing in he own guilt and endlessly worrying her parents.

Zeb and Sabine stay as long as they can, often sitting at her bedside, trying to get her to talk or, when that fails, sitting in silence. But the two have there own lives and with the First Order still at large, they needed to get back to them. The only visitor she gets out side her family is the Jedi Master Mara Jade Skywalker who spends her few visits trying to reassure Asha that she isn't the first to heed the Dark Side's call. Asha doesn't answer. She knows, but that doesn't comfort her. That doesn't do anything to relieve the pain and the guilt.

None of her friends visit, though it is hardly a surprise. With it being school break for a few more days, few students are actually wandering the halls of the temple. And those that are, are more like Ghosts to her. Echoes of happier times seen only through her Force sense. She is also grounded, so the lack of visitors isn't surprising.

The one thing that is surprising is the lack of Ben. But Asha can't bring up enough energy to think too much over of that.

And three days pass like that. The new term begins with much fretting from her parents, as she is still on bed rest but they have to leave. Hera even contemplates cancelling her piloting seminar; though Asha comes out of her haze enough to reassures her she is fine to stay on her own. Hesitantly, they agree. After all, Asha is sixteen.

As the day progresses, a new feeling fights the guilt for dominance. Though it isn't much better. Asha finds herself not only guilty, but also annoyed with herself. Finally, the restlessness that had unknowingly building for three days gets to her.

Asha throws off the sheets and quickly goes to change, shoving open her wardrobe. But a problem hits her immediately. Before, Asha had been so proud to be a padawan. Before, she rarely wore anything besides padawan robes. Before, she literally only had one outfit, the out fit she wore to Malachor, that wasn't a set of robes. And it worked for her. But that was before. Now, she doesn't feel like she deserves to wear them.

But… She wants out of here and they are one of the few things that won't disturb the cast on her lekku. Asha sigh, trying to ignore the familiar weight of the robes but savoring it all the same. _This is probably one of the last times I'll be allowed to wear the robes._ Asha thinks, sadly.

As she finishes tying her favorite belt, she enters the kitchen area and grabs a small datapad used for making lists and reminders. She presses the record button. "Sorry. I know I'm grounded and on bed rest. But, my mind is chasing itself in circles and… I just need some air… It feels like the walls are closing in on me… I'll only be gone five minute. I swear. I… I know that probably doesn't mean much anymore. I wish it did. I wish I could go back and stop this from ever happening. I wish I could make this all better. I wish I could hide under my covers… and make all of this go away… I sound like a…. four year old. I am so sorry for disobeying you. Feel free to yell at me after you hear this. I deserve it…. I… I am sorry for everything…" Asha can barely breath as she finishes her ramble.

She stumbles out of her home and start walking, with the plan to walk to the courtyard and back. But her body has other plans and since her mind is still rattled with self-hate, she doesn't notice her veering off her set course and onto a very familiar course.

It is only when she is standing in front of the door does she realize she walked the path to Ezra's classroom. Asha glances up at the clock that she, Ben and Zal accidently cracked while practicing Force technique five years ago. She should head back, but…

This room is filled with so many good memories; surely she could sit in her desk for two minute… just one more time….

A large crash is heard from the other side of the door. She flings the door open. "What happened?" Asha yells.

Her entire padawan class turns to her. They are all there, some in chairs, some on desks. Even Ben, who is sulking in the corner. Asha subconsciously groans in the back of her mind, knowing she'd have to drag him out of the gloom. "Hey, Ash!" Zal smiles warmly.

"Is everyone alright? What was that?" Asha asks, stepping into the classroom and sliding the door closed behind her.

"Oh, Cameron just laughed so hard at Lane's fishing story that she knock the desk over." Zal says, as Cameron, a red hair fourteen year old girl who had become a padawan last year and had a photographic memory, and Lane, who was know to embellish his stories, pick up the chair.

"What are you all doing here? Class was canceled." Asha says, not noticing the spike in anger coming off of Ben. Zal does though, shooting him a look.

"I just didn't feel right being anywhere else." Lane says, though Asha, as always, swears she hears a laugh in his voice, like always.

"Isn't that why you're here?" Zal asks.

Asha immediately goes to deny it, but stops herself. _Is that why she suddenly became so annoyed with herself?_ "I don't know." Asha says, walking over and sitting in her seat.

"That and we all wanted to congratulate, Zal" Lane says, slapping Zal's shoulder. Zal blushes, furiously.

"Why's that?" Asha asks confused.

"Zal's been knighted!" Lane says, joyously.

"Seriously?" Asha asks, excited for her friend.

"It's no big deal." Zal says.

"No big deal? You knighted at twenty! That is incredible." Asha leans over and hugs him.

"I still feel so unready. I hope to speak with Master Ezra when he wakes up, so I can continue to sit in on his lectures." Zal says.

Asha gulps feeling uncomfortable. But Cameron's curiosity changes the subject, "How did you even do it?"

Zal shrugs, "Apparently, I demonstrated, and I quote, 'An ability to calmly think though things, lead responsibly with wisdom beyond my year, and to listen to the Force and follow it's directions, all essential qualities to a Jedi as well as passing four of the five trials out side of my lessons.' Then they had me do the last trial at the beginning of the break. And I was a knight."

"Wow," Asha says.

Zal shrugs, "As I said before all this mess, they don't look at just look at the test they give."

"Speaking of that." Another padawan says. "What was all that? I comeback after going to Funworld with my parents and find the temple cleaning up after chaos and my master in the medical wing?"

Zal looks at Asha with a clear message, it is up to her. Of course he knows, he is a Jedi, now. Asha takes a shaky breath. "It's all my fault." All eyes are on her. That's all Asha needs to break her floodgates. After all, these are the people who had welcomed her with open arms, even before her first lesson. The same people who were excited at her success and cried at her pain. Just as she had for them. She spills what happened between tears and with enough self-deprecation, that all, but one, of the padawans grieve for their friend. Zal had his arms around her in support.

"And that how we got back. I was so stupid." Asha cries.

"Stop. Yes, you were stupid. What happened to Master Ezra was not your fault. It was this Maul." Zal says, shifting to look at her eyes.

"Yeah, he played you like an instrument." Lane says. But there words don't bring comfort. They are knives twisting deeper with each mouth movement. _She doesn't deserve this._

Asha pulls away from Zal. Cameron bites her lip. This past year, Asha had become a mentor to her and it hurt seeing the brilliant girl like this. "Uh, well, anyone going to change the subject? I am drawing a blank."

Zal shrugs. Lane, who never was at a loss for an excuse to talk, takes pause before saying anything. "Um… Did anyone see the news? I am amazed the Holonet hasn't caught fire, yet."

"You sure about that? Some of the fury on the reporters' faces makes seem like it has." A padawan with a halo of gold hair rolls his eyes.

"What are you talking about?" Asha arcs an eyebrow.

"You haven't heard?" Cameron's jaw drops.

"You are kidding?" Another says.

"I've been on lock down for the last least two week! Cut me some slack." Asha shakes her head. "What did the First Order encroach on Republic territory?"

"Anakin Skywalker became Darth Vader." Zal says.

It doesn't register at first. It is an incredibly simple sentence but Asha hasn't felt this confused by a simple sentence since she was struggling to read in her first years of education. Only one thing makes it make sense. "Two questions. What the kriff are you on? I'm pretty sure I want to avoid ir. And how did you get it past the Masters?" Asha says, completely serious.

"I'm not on anything." Zal says. "Evidence has come to light that Anakin Skywalker, father of Jedi Master Luke Skywalker and Senator Leia Organa, became Darth Vader."

"Bantha Poodoo." Asha blanches. "You're actually serious…" Asha spins around to Ben, springs up, and walks over to him. She brushes his shoulder with her hand, "Are you alright? This had to have been quite a shock." She leans in to hug him.

Ben stands up abruptly, breaking away from her touch. Without a word, he exits the room. Asha pauses for a moment in shock, before rushing out after him. He is already down the hall. "Ben!" Asha runs after him.

Ben doesn't stop.

"BEN! STOP!" Asha gasps. Ben does so. Asha leans over, and fights off a cough as she gasps for air. _So, that's the reason I'm still on bedrest._ Asha realizes.

Ben turns to his expression unreadable. "Are you alright? I know this must be a shock, but I am sure there is a reason why they didn't-"

Ben cuts her off. "I don't care about that! I don't care that my Grandfather is DARTH KRIFFING VADER! If the old Order was anything like this sludge hole, good on him."

Asha takes a step back in shock, then forward, going to touch his shoulder "What? Ben-"

Ben cuts her off, "NO! My problem is you! You took everything good this order had to offer and destroyed it. May be if you weren't so caught up in your own little world, you'd see that you weren't the only one who needed Uncle Ezra! The others needed him! I needed him! You knew that! You knew that I don't have anyone else! And you still- And you come back here EXPECTING EVERYTHING TO BE ALRIGHT! THAT IT WILL GO BACK TO NORMAL! WELL, IT CAN'T! AND I CAN'T FORGIVE YOU!" With that Ben turns and storms away.

Asha can't muster the ability to go after him. She denies, to herself, that, that is how he thinks she feels. Surely, he knew her better than that. She glances at her extend hand. It's trembling. She pulls it in, trying to regain control.

"That was terrifying." A voice says.

Asha's head shoots up as she looks at the source and then around her, mortified. All the classroom doors are open and everyone, students and teachers alike, is staring at her. Even the padawan classes. Asha doesn't stop to look at her father, afraid of the disappointment and frustration, she is sure, is on his face. But she does stop at Master Skywalker.

She takes a calming breath, though it does little with how ragged her emotion have become of late, "Are you going after him?"

"I'm in the middle of teaching." Master Skywalker says, his eyes following after Ben, worry clearly in them.

"Permission to speak freely, Master Skywalker." Asha says, in a robotic voice, as if she is saving her emotions for the tidal wave need to break through the thick skull of Master Skywalker, though she has only a vague direction of what to say.

Luke looks confused, "Of course, anyone is free to come speak to me about anything."

"That's a load, considering your own nephew doesn't even feel that way. So stay quite and listen." Asha throws back; letting all the words she wished she could say over the years come to the surface. _I am going to get kicked out anyway._ "I know you wish to be as fair to all student here as much as possible. In doing so, you treat each student equally, but not fairly. In treating Ben like any other student, you made him different than any other student. Everyone else, myself included, gets to go home and be with their family or can call them when ever they want. Ben doesn't. He is alone and he is scared. The only people he feels he can rely on are me and Master Bridger.

"Shut up! He told me himself. The point is he alone and he is hurting. Of the people who he can open up to one is in a coma and you just saw how the other went. He is your nephew and he needs you. Seriously, if you can't show affection to your nephew, which I know you haven't in spite of loving him dearly, what is going to happen when your daughter becomes a padawan? Are you going to abandon her too? He needs you. He needs you, right now. And not as Master Skywalker. He needs his Uncle Luke, someone he never thought he was good enough to have even a passing glance from. So, either go talk to him or call the people who, and I quote Ben here, 'abandoned' him here and still think they have right to be called Ben's parents!"

Luke is gobsmacked for a few moments, his jaw opening and closing as if to find something to say. Finally, he is able to speak but not to Asha. He turns to his class, "Free study." Then without a word, he rushes off after Ben.

Several thing flash through Asha's mind ranging from _That worked?_ to _I actually kriffing did it_. A hand comes down on her shoulder. Asha glances up to see Master Jade-Skywalker. "Good job. You actually got through to him about how bad the situation is." She smiles at Asha. "I'd better go to. I guess I failed as his Aunt as well." With that Mara Jade-Skywalker walks off, her red curls bouncing behind her.

Asha sighs. She's not wrong, but she had done better than her husband. "You're up." Her father's voice causes her to jump. The jolt through her lekku causes her to wince, even with it restrained.

"Uh… Yea- Yes, Father. I apologize… I just needed some air." Asha looks down.

Her father gently touches her shoulder. He looks up suddenly. "Everyone, back to class! Shows over!" He orders. There is a flurry of squeals and door slams. Asha wraps her arms around herself as if expecting to be scolded. She deserves it.

Kanan sighs, before wrapping his arm around her, careful of his baby's lekku. "Your mom and I were worried. It's not like you to stay still. I am happy you felt up for a walk."

"I'm not sure how up for it I actually was." Asha sighs, thinking over everything.

Kanan squeezes her closer. "What happened… It wasn't your fault. Maul manipulated you."

"And I let him." Asha sighs.

"Come on." Kanan smiles, leading her away from the classrooms. She sighs, letting him take her home.

Asha squints as the sun beams down on her face. Asha is surprised to see herself in the courtyard. "Figured you were sick of your room." Kanan smiles, leading her to the tree Ezra often sat under while teaching out doors. He helps her down and kisses her forehead. "When your ready to go in, comm me or someone. Call me a worrywart but after all that I don't want you to walk back alone."

"I won't. I promise." Asha says, hugging him. "I love you, Dad."

"I love you, too. So much, Asha." Kanan smiles. They release each other and Kanan heads back to class.

Asha sighs, shifting into a meditation position. Hesitantly, she opens herself up to the Force. It envelops her like a blanket warm and welcoming. It is her home, just as much as her family is home.

She's never been overly fond of meditating, but it feels so good right now. A sense of calm in the chaos. She stays like that for a long time. She could have stayed there longer, but the Force tugs her attention. She doesn't hesitate to follow it. Her eyes open immediately. A thirteen-year-old human girl in gym civilian clothes is practicing her forms. Her waste length auburn hair tied back in a french braid, the base of which is covered in a cage-like wire headpiece. She isn't terrible, but she isn't great. If Asha had to rank her she'd but the girl on the better side of average. _She'll need a heck of a test score to become a padawan…_ Asha then remembers she caused this year's trials to be cancel.

The girl turns to her. "Sorry I didn't mean to interrupt your meditation, Padawan Jarrus!" She bows respectfully, but is clearly panicking.

"No, no it is fine." Asha brushes off, trying to remember who this initiate is. "I don't believe we have had a chance to talk, Initiate?"

"Aodh, Ma'am. Aki Aodh. No we have not." The girl bows.

"Stop. You sound like you are balancing on a knife's edge. And call me Asha or Ash. Or Anything else. Jarrus is my father." Asha smiles at her.

"Right, Miss Asha, ah, Padawan Asha…Umm…" Aki stubbles over her words.

"Alright, sit. Now, I know you feel like your balancing on a knife's edge." Asha directs her to sit in front of her. She does so nervously. "When did you arrive here, Aki?" Ash takes her hands.

"It will be three years in two months." Aki says.

It takes all of her training to prevent Asha eyebrows from shooting up. While that age wasn't uncommon a decade ago, the order has gotten better at identifying at a younger age. Still, to get that good at forms in that amount of time, must have taken a good bit of stubborn determination. Especially since she, Asha can tell from her movements, isn't naturally good at forms. "You must have work hard." Aki nods. "Are you thinking of trying to become a padawan?"

Aki looks at her in the did-she-really-just-ask-that manner, before school her expression into one of respecting one's senior, "Isn't everyone?" That actually got a chuckle out of Asha. It felt strange and end up with her coughing, but it was good. Asha smiles at Aki, who looks a little more at ease. "I'm actually glad that they got canceled this year. I have more time to practice. I know I'm not ready."

"Is anyone ever?" Asha smiles. "Though I am mildly surprised that you were actually taking it this year. Normally, if someone comes in as late as you did, the Masters would push back that initiates trials' a few years."

Aki sighs, "But Kirk said everyone has to take it at thirteen."

"It is encouraged, but there are several factors that determine when someone may take the test. It wouldn't be fair otherwise." Asha reassures, then bites her lip before asking, "Though, if I may ask why do you want to be a Jedi?"

Aki sighs, rubbing the bridge of her nose. "I wish I had some amazingly wonderful reason like wanting to end inequality or something, but I don't. I only have my reasons. It's just me, my little sis, and Mom. And Mom's been sick for a while. We were on the streets. Heck, I remember living under a bridge for a while. I often had to beg to get enough to eat. Often there _wasn't_ enough. I will never forget the look in those peoples eye."

"Their kindness…" Asha assumes.

"No. There were some but… It wasn't kindness I saw the most. It wasn't even pity." Aki shakes her head. "I was worthless in there eyes. I was like a disease to them."

"What does that have to do with becoming a Jedi?" Asha asks, confused.

"Beside the fact that the Jedi who found me treated me like an actual person. Besides the fact that he personally made sure my family was set up here. And this is the one thing I never thought I'd have." Aki says.

"What?" Asha looks at her.

"A chance. A chance to look others in the eye and have them look at me as an equal. A chance to give that to others. I know its selfish-"

"No, I don't think it is." Asha smiles, recalling words that had echo through her childhood. "A single act of kindness can fill the galaxy with hope." Aki smiles, relieved that someone understands. "So, I'm curious, who brought you to the temple?"

Aki's eyebrows rise in a baffled expression. "It was your father, Master Jarrus, on his last mission to Calili." Asha pauses, and then smiles gently.

Aki bites her lip, "Can I ask you a question on something?"

"I've asked you something." Asha smiles. "Though, I am not sure how helpful I can be." _Especially, with my own failures._ But she does her best answering Aki's very insightful questions for an hour. Aki seems very happy and interested in her answers, though Asha can only feel doubt in her answers and herself. Much too soon, Aki has to go home to make dinner for her family.

Asha sighs as she waves goodbye. She leans back against the tree, as dark thoughts filled her head, now that her distraction is gone. They bounce around her head, taunting her. _What if Uncle Ezra doesn't wake up? Ben was right… I kriffed up… I don't deserve to be here…_

"Hey…" A voice startles her from her thoughts. She looks up to see Isolda looking over at her.

"Your Majesty, what are you doing here? Aren't you supposed to be watching Master Bridger?" Asha says, trying to cover her guilt-ridden sobs.

"Maybe. I go where I am most need. And none of the Your Majesty stuff. So can you tell me where I am most needed?" Isolda asks.

"With Master Bridger, of course." Asha answers almost automatically.

"Really? I'm not so sure." Isolda places her hand on her chin as if pondering. "I heard the Records have become a real sty since I left." Asha raises an eyebrow. "Mind giving me a hand? I'd like to get back to Ezra quickly."

Asha nods, "Only if my parents agree…"

Isolda looks over to the other end of the courtyard. "Is it alright, Hera?"

Isolda looks up to see her mother giving them a nod. "Just have her back for dinner."

Asha nods, getting up and follows Isolda to the Records. The two begin to search and organize the records. They wallow in silence until Isolda breaks it. "Do you know why I love history so much?'

"Not at all." Isolda smiles. Asha looks up at her. "Time is like a river branching out into a delta. Some paths are inevitable. Some of our own choosing. But in choosing a path, we limit ourselves to the future paths connected to the choice we made."

"Why would you like that part? It is cruel. And once it happens those paths are gone." Asha slams down the document not carrying for once if she damages it.

Asha tenses as she feels a hand on her shoulder. She looks up into understanding eyes, not judging or pity or worry or anything else she has been forced to look at over the past couple of days. She sees wrinkles of wisdom starting to wear into the face of one too young. "But it also opens new paths. New paths that affect and shape the routes we take today. And those paths are for us to choose again, creating more paths and more paths after that. Paths we can't even dream of."

"I don't want a new path!" Asha shouts. "I want to go back to the way things were. I want to feel like I belong in my class. I want Ben to look at me. I want to see that spark in uncle's eye. I want to be a Jedi! I… I want to be able to laugh without feeling guilty…"

Isolda sighs, "So your old paths were taken when you fell. The paths you had while on the dark side were also taken when you returned to the light. Now new paths lay ahead of you. And you can make them better than any of the paths you gave up."

Asha stares at the ground, and mumbles. "There are always more paths. We just aren't always able to see them through the brush."

Isolda squeezes her shoulder. "Do yourself a favor, don't be like your uncle and let the guilt of taking the wrong path get in the way of choosing happier paths." Ashalooks up at her confused. Isolda sighs. "I love your Uncle. Stars above, I love him. He gave me the path to being more than I ever believed I could be and makes me feel so utterly amazing. But, he is utterly an idiot when it comes to letting go of his guilt. He, for a long time, didn't believe he deserve happiness after Maul blinded Kanan and he fell to the dark side." Asha jumps at hearing that. Isolda lets out a sad chuckle. "Yeah, it was Maul. History does have a nasty tendency to repeat itself. I know Ezra still doesn't believe he deserves happiness."

Asha protests. "That's ridiculous."

Isolda smirks, "You're preaching to the choir, Kid. But, because of that feeling, he took so long in actually letting himself have a romantic relationship where he could be happy. Because of that guilt, we weren't publically known to be married, so it was better for everyone to pretend it never happened, as we couldn't have kids. Now, I love my two sons and wouldn't give them up for anything. But if we had started earlier or gone public, the path for me to still be at the temple would have been open. And, I know, Ezra and I would have be happier."

"You don't like being queen." Asha asks.

"There are very few aspects that I hold any fondness over and those are far between." Isolda admits, trying to be diplomatic about it.

"Then why did you leave, Aunt Izzy?!" Asha mumbles, some long seeded questions coming to the surface, hugging her.

Isolda rubs her back. "You know why. The galaxy needed me to be a Queen. Just as it needs good Jedi… Jedi like you."

"I'm no Jedi." Asha cries.

"Do you really believe that?" Isolda asks. Asha nods. "I don't. I know you are still a Jedi. If I were a betting woman, I'd wager you're now on the path to becoming an even better Jedi than before."

"I wish I could believe that." Asha mumbles.

Isolda pats her head, as if saying _You will in time_. Instead, she smiles softly, "I must return to Ezra. I... My time with him has always been limited. Besides you look ready to drop. I'll walk you back." Asha nods, suddenly aware of the bone-numbing tiredness settling upon her. They walk back in silence, with Asha being so tired. Finally, they reach Asha's home. Before leaving, Isolda says, "Asha, the Force will be with you. Always." Isolde turns and leaves before Asha can protest.


	8. Chapter 6: Recovery B

Isolda returns to the medical wing and goes straight to the Observation room. Luke, with Mara, is in there, but both the other masters are on the other side of the glass. "I'm sorry, Your Magesty. But I have to ask you to leave-"

"Yeah, I don't think so." Isolda rolls her eyes. "Besides, I'd like to point out that having any meeting of importance, while Ezra is high off his ass on pain killers is a loosing battle."

"I'm not that high." Ezra pipes up through the speakers.

Isolda fights off the smile, approaching the glass to see him propped up on every pillow in the medical wing. "You were certain you were dead when you woke up cause you thought you sensed an angel."

"Well, you were sitting next to me." Ezra says, blushing a bit. Isolda smiles, storing that away to tease him later.

"So, what were you discussing?" Isolda asks, her voice blocking out the soft sound of the door to the observation room cracking open. "Oh, by the way, you were right about Asha needing a distraction and advice. The Intiate Aode may be of use for the distraction in the future." Ezra nods

"Asha's latest development." Luke admits.

"You mean the fact that she, by ancient right, passed her trials and is now a Jedi Knight. The youngest in recorded history, if I am not mistaken." Isolda catches on immediately. "What? I was the bloody head historian, remember?" Isolda says looking at Luke's face.

"She has you there." Mara smirks at Luke, who rolls his eyes.

Ezra gives a chuckle, but it turns into a cough. Kanan rubs his shoulder, soothingly.

"She's passed it three times over." Luke corrects Isolda.

"She defeated a Sith or a former Sith who is still on the Dark Side." Isolda says, trying to figure out the others substitute trials she passed.

"She returned the Light Side." Ezra says, joy and relief in his voice. "At least, I got to see that. I was able to see her eyes return to normal. I am glad that was the last thing I got to see, at least.""Right, that is also a time honored way passage to knighthood." Isolda nods, remembering Ezra mentioning his own knighting and some obscure text under a mountain of dust back in the archives.

"If I am not mistaken that's how you achieved knighthood." Kanan smirks at his former padawan.

"And then, she fulfilled something that could qualify for each of the trials." Luke says. "Her trail of courage, anything between facing Maul in combat or coming back here. Yes, I am not so 'oblivious' to not recognize that she is feelings upon returning to the temple." Luke sighs at the amazed looks in he is getting. "The trial of spirit is to face ones inner darkness, she did that. Insight, her duel with Maul. Skill, again, her duel with Maul. Flesh, she went through a heck of a lot of pain."

"My daughter is a Jedi." Kanan sighs, "I always pictured this being a happy moment. And me being a lot older. Clearly, her age is going to have a lot of issues to be sorted out."

Ezra sighs, "I think we should hold off on telling Asha about her knighthood, until this whole thing calms down a bit anyway."

"What? Why?" Kanan and Luke say. Isolda doesn't though, remembering what Ezra had told her in the past.

"Kanan, Luke, I was her. She's hurting right now, and you can't comfort her about this because she doesn't feel like she deserves it. She is feeling so guilty that any attempts to will feel like knives to her heart." Ezra says.

"That does seem consistent with what I saw." Isolda agrees. "And you have mentioned that, that was how you felt after Kanan lost his slight."

Kanan radiates surprise in the force as Ezra agrees, "Yeah, I felt like nothing I could do could make up for it. Like I was a monster and every time someone said it wasn't my fault or said they forgave me, that guilt multiplied. As awful as it is to admit, I felt I deserved punishment. And…" Isolda sends a feeling of support through the Force. "I still do. I still feel guilty and I feel like I wasn't punished enough-" Ezra groans as Kanan hugs his former padawan, who is breathing hard, the closest he can get to sobbing. "It's not right. It's not wrong. It just is. And there were times when I thought of punishing myself because I didn't feel like I was being punished enough. And it only got worse after I return from the Dark Side." Ezra wraps an arm around Kanan as Kanan careful hugs him tighter. "I don't think about that anymore. Isolda would have my hide if it did." Isolda nods, mumbling something about the beginning of their relationship. "But telling her about her knighthood, with her guilt as it is, would only look like a reward that she doesn't deserve to her. And that will hurt her."

"So what do we do?" Luke asks.

"Let her know she isn't the first to fall. Listen to her rants. And give her a hug when she needs it." Isolda says, without bating an eye. Luke raises an eyebrow. "I married this guy. I have a lot of experience dealing with this sort of thing. Karabast, it took me seven years for me get him to admit he was in love with me because of his guilt complex-" The slaming of the door interrupts them. Isolda springs to the door and nearly rips the door off the hinges. Ben is racing down the hall. "Ben! Wait! Ben!" But he is gone.

Luke looks down the hall, with a sigh. "What am I going to do with him? He won't listen. And Leia and Han are dealing with the revelation."

Isolda pats his shoulder, "We warned you. Now, all you can do is try and be there for him even if he rejects you. Multiple times."

Luke nods. "Ezra, don't die while I'm gone."

Ezra smiles, "I won't. Doc promised if I am good I'll get moved to my apartment instead of the regular wards when I get out of quarantine." With an eye roll, Luke exits the room, wearing far more weigh than he should be.

Three days pass before Ezra is moved out of quarantine and back to his rooms. To his doctors and family's worry, but no ones surprise, he starts his class back up from his rooms almost immediately. Though, he stick strictly to lectures with no lightsaber practice at Isolda's insistence. His inability to get out of bed with out her help causes him to reluctantly agree, instead having his padawans go train with Kanan and Luke's padawans when it is time for lightsaber practice.

Overall, things settle in a routine quickly, leaving only one thing for him to worry about. Actually, it seems to have devolved into two… "So, I have a question." Lane says.

"Only one? Then clearly I haven't been doing a good job." Ezra chuckles at that, while keeping his senses attuned to his students, specifically the two he is worried for. Asha can't even look at him during lessons, though she is very attentive to the lessons. And when she does look, he can feel her guilt skyrockets, like his did years ago. All he wants to tell her he didn't blame her and she shouldn't, but he knows that would hurt her more. And Ben… Ben just sits away from everyone. It's as if the Dark Side is falling on him in a cloak of anger and hate.

"Well, if the Dark Side and the Light side have fought for so long why has neither destroyed one another?" Lane asks.

Even blind, Ezra can sense the eye roll coming off Asha. Ezra is half tempted to put her in the spotlight for that. Instead, he says, "Look at the mural above me. I first encountered this symbol when I was a padawan in a temple on my home planet. It is an ancient symbol for the Light Side of the Force." He senses all his students focusing on the symbol. "Now, look at the center of the symbol. That is an ancient symbol of the Dark side. And in the center of that, well, there is the symbol for the Light Side, again. Etcetera. Now, what does this imply about the nature of the Force?"

The very familiar chorus of "ums" answer. "Asha?" Ezra smiles, knowing his little Jedi knows the answer.

"There is one Force." Asha closes her eyes, recalling what she felt when she defeated Maul. She was Light, and as much as it hurt to admit, she was Dark. They were both woven together in a blanket that left the feeling of an unsurpassed peace in spite of the clashing natures. "The Dark Side. The Light Side. They're just that. Sides. Both parts of something far greater than either can be on their own. The Force is both the Dark Side and the Light Side. One simply can't exist without the other. "

Ezra smiles as he feels the awe of the other padawans, even padawans more "senior" than her. "Exactly Asha. As long as the Force exists, both shall exist. People always seem to forget that, dividing the Force into two. They think there is the Light Side and there is the Dark Side, forgetting they are both aspects of the same whole."

A question forms in Asha's mind. _Are 'Light Side' and 'Dark side' just labels used by those who can't bring themselves to understand the encompassing nature of the Force?_

Asha opens her mouth to ask.

"You'd know that, wouldn't you, Asha?" Ben snaps, his voice more cruel than normal. Asha's shoulders shoot up as she tries to make herself small, for once uncomfortable by the attention.

Ezra grips his sheets in frustration. Isolda puts a calming hand on his shoulder, "Alright, I think that's enough for today. Ezra still needs a lot of rest. And it is almost time to head to lightsaber practice."

Ezra nods, catching onto what Isolda is doing immediately and sending graduated through the Force. "Please, Padawans sixteen and over please read chapter 5 in your current textbook and prepare either a defense to Master Syfo-Dyas argument or a counter-argument." The huff of packing is set off by the announcement of homework. "Padawans younger, please read chapter twelve in your current textbook along with doing the next chapter response in your individual supplemental reading. Lane, instead of your usual supplemental reading, I'd like you to come up with a counter argument for one of Master Windu's papers on the subject of destroying the Dark Side. Isolda, do you think you could find him a good one?"

Isolda nods, squeezing his shoulder, silently wishing him luck. "Sure thing. I have a few in mind. Lane, can you stop by here after lightsaber training?"

"Of course, Professor." Lane bows as he gathers everything.

"Ben, could you stay after?" Ezra calls out as people start hustling out the bedroom.

"Um… Sure, Master." Ben says confussed.

"That was an awesome answer, Ash." Lane says as three of the younger padawans circle Asha. "You sounded just like a Master!"

"Oh, it wasn't anything special." Asha shifts uncomfortably, as she is ushered out of the door.

"No, it was. You're going to be an amazing Jedi." A nineteen-year-old padawan says as they exit.

The door closes behind the last padawan, leaving Ben and Ezra alone. "Is everything alright, Unc- Master Ezra?" Ben asks, shifting his bag.

"I'd like to discuss your current behavior with regards to your fellow student of the Force, Asha Jarrus." Ezra says, trying to push himself up. He succeeds with some effort. Ben squeezes the strap of his bag. "You know, when I thought I'd have to say those words, I had never imagine using them because of your negative behavior to her."

Ben breathes clearly angered. "You can stop dancing around it. I heard what you and Master Skywalker and Master Jarrus discussed."

"Even if she is no longer a padawan, she is still a student of the Force. That journey never ends." Ezra says, in a calm voice.

"It her fault that you'll never see again. That you'll probably never walk without a cane again! How can you be so calm?" Ben yells his questions, angered at how easily his Master is taking this.

"Asha has shown to truly regret her actions and, while I won't say none of this was her fault as she made her choices, she was being manipulated by someone whose skills of manipulation are unparalleled." Ezra says, his voice firm unweilding.

"You're never going to see your students again? If you fall in love, you'll never see her face! You'll never see your kids faces." Ben shouts. "How can you forgive her?"

"All of the temple's children are mine. Even if they don't see me as such. I watch over them all, celebrating their triumphs and supporting them through they're failings." Ezra says, having come to terms with not having children a long time ago.

Ben flinches, "So, I'm nothing special to you."

"You are special in your own way. All my students are as special as they are unique. Just because I care about all of them, doesn't mean any are less special and dear to me." Ezra says.

"Everyone's special? That's the same as no one being special!" Ben yells, tears threatening to spill. "So I mean nothing to you!"

The remains of Ezra's eyes widen, causing him to flinch before saying, "That isn't what- BEN!" Ben races out of the apartment, slamming the door open and into something that crashes to the floor. "BEN!" Ezra tries to move to get up but fails as pain explodes in his side. All he can do is stare out the door. "Ben…" Ezra sighs, feeling the bedside table for his comm. Maybe Mara could-

His senses flare and Ezra curses himself for not sensing her sooner. "Asha?"

Shock, hurt, and grief reflect in her Force signature as she gets up. "I'm… not… a… padawan…" He can hear the pain in her voice as well as tears.

Ezra opens his mouth to comfort her, to explain as this clearly alters his plans to keep her in the dark until she is ready. "Asha-"

"I'm sorry for wasting your time, Master Jedi." Asha says, quickly before sprinting away.

"Asha! Asha!" Ezra pushes himself up, grabbing the IV stand still in his arm to use as a support. He scrambles after her even though he knows it's too late. She is gone.

Asha is running with no clear direction. She's dimly aware that she is very late to her lightsaber lesson… Why should she go? They are just going to kick her out any way? Why haven't they done it already?

A foul odor hits her nose. Asha halts immediately. She's in the stables. "Karablast…" Asha whispers under her breath. In her haze, she had followed her habit of where to go when upset but not wanting to talk to her parents or Uncle yet. But…

"What are you doing here?" Ben snarls. The animals start becoming agitated.

"I'm sorry I just… Are you alright?" Asha worries looking at Ben's red eyes, his glasses magnifying them.

"Like you care." Ben growls. The animals are yelling in their own languages. "You don't care about anyone but yourself!"

Asha steps toward him. "Ben, I-"

"You don't deserve any of it!" Ben cuts her off. Asha takes a step back, for the first time almost afraid of him. "You don't deserve a family that loves you and would never abandon you! You don't deserve to be respected by the older students, worshiped by the younger students. And you don't deserve to be here training! You've had everything I ever wanted handed to you and you threw it all away! Get out!"

Asha looks around at the panicking animals, taking another step back and another. The wood of a stable door touches the back of her lekku "Ben! The animals-"

"I said Get OUT!" Ben says, lashing out with the Force, sending things flying at her and cracking his glasses. Something medal flies through the air. Asha barely ducks in time. Asha hears gasping echo around her, unaware it is her own breath. Looking up at what flew at her, Asha's eyes widen. A large pitchfork is embedded in the wood above her by a good four inches. As Asha's chest feels like it is about to burst, she realizes she is unable to force enough air in. Her legs barely support her as her arms shake uncontrollably.

Asha forces herself to face him. "Ben…" Ben's eyes are wide, clearly displaying new emotion among the anger and sorrow, fear.

"Get out…" Ben whispers, clearly freaked out.

"Ben, please-". Asha's hands shake as she stares at Ben.

The pitchfork won't leave her mind. _Ben wouldn't harm me…_ That was a truth she held so dear that it never even enter her mind. It was just true. And she would just act on it. Use it to get closer to Ben than anyone. But… that pitchfork nearly impaled her…

"Get out!" Ben snaps again, glaring at Asha. She does need to be told again. She sprints out of the room as fast as she could. Ben stares after her, his hands shaking. Ben takes a breath before collapsing onto a hay bale, burying his face in his hands.

Asha runs, this time not letting her feet carry her. She knows exactly where she wants to be. Alone. She runs into her parents' apartment and locks herself into the bathroom. She looks up with a sigh. She's a mess and she doesn't even recognize herself for a moment. So much has happened in two weeks, almost three weeks.

Her eyes are red and sunken. She is skinnier due to her lack of appetite. And over all she just looks tired. But she doesn't look like the monster she keeps imagining herself to be. No, she looks like a broken little girl.


	9. Chapter 6: Recovery C

**This is part 3 go back to the first Recovery if you haven't read it.**

A knock comes from the door, startling her. "Um… Padawan Jar- Asha," A familiar voice calls out. "It's Initiate Aodh. It's Aki." Asha remembers the young Initiate from a few days ago. "Umm… I saw you running passed and you seemed upset… I mean, of course, you're upset, some former Sith Lord hurt your master and your best friend is blaming you for some reason… And… Wow, I suck at this. Listen, if you ever need someone to talk to, feel free to come to me. Like even at two in the morning. You need me I'll be there in a heart beat-"

"Initiate?" Asha's father's voice cuts her off.

"Oh thank the First Light. Pardon the intrusion, Master Jarrus. The door was open and Padawan Jarrus seemed very upset…" Aki says, clearly relieved.

"Thank you for your concern, Initiate Aode. I think I have it covered." Kanan's voice sounded like it was smiling. Asha knows why. Aki, if given the chance, is going to be an amazing padawan.

"Alright…" Aki's voice says, sadly. After a moment, several loud knock echo off the door making Asha jump. "I mean it, Asha, you need me, all you have to do is ask and I'll come running!" Aki shouts through the door.

Asha is so thrown off by the action that she laughs; it is a weak startled laugh but a laugh all the same. Asha looks at herself in the mirror again, before turning on the facet and washing the caked on tears off her face. _Aki really is something_ , she thinks to herself. _Her master will be lucky to have her._

"Asha…" Her father's voice comes through the door. "You missed lightsaber practice…"

Asha sighs, sliding to the floor. Something in her pocket sticks her. She knows what it is immediately, pulling it out. The kyber crystal she found on Mustifar. It glows a comforting blue. Asha closes her eyes. It feels innocent and familiar, in spite of where she found it. "Dad…"

"Yes, Sweetheart?" Her dad asks.

"I am trying to move forward for all of you. But, right now, I really just need to be alone." Asha says. _I don't deserve a dad as amazing as you._

"Okay." Kanan says, after a moment. His voice sounds as if he is trying to hold off the pain. "If you need anything at all please let me know."

Asha stares at the little blue crystal for a long time. Her mind wanders on how to fix this. How can she repair her relationship with Ben? And with Ezra? If she can't be a Jedi, she needs to do that at least, before she is forced to leave. What would she do now anyway? The Jedi Order is her life. Thinking back, Asha can't recall a single time she has every stopped and considered what she would be if she wasn't a Jedi. So, who is she now?

Asha looks up at the ceiling. Isolda's words echo through her head. Its not that easy. She's never looked another path.

Maybe, she could convince Master Skywalker to put in a good word with Leia and she could join the Resistance. She did inherent her parents ability to pilot and they could always use a good pilot. Still…

Her heart fells like it is being ripped apart. She can't do this. Not right now. Possibly not ever. She opens the cabinet under the sink to grab box of tissues, but freezes when she sees a box of yellow wrapped reminders of something she forgot in the chaos. The walls feel like they are closing in on her. She gulps, putting the crystal away.

The lights are dark in the living room, no doubt due to the time. Asha sighs, before starting. Her father is lying on the couch, fast asleep. Asha smiles weakly, grabbing the throw on the armchair and spreading it over her father. He relaxes further in his sleep. Asha is filled, again, with guilt at over looking how hard this has been on her mother and father.

Asha sighs, walks out of the apartment and goes to the courtyard. She needs to be outside. She gets to the courtyard. Rain is pouring down in buckets. She doesn't care, walking into it and letting it hammer onto her shoulders and clothes. Tears pour down her face as she drops to her knees.

She's done the research, karablast, it was required reading during her first year as a padawan. She shouldn't be surprised that it is happening to her. After all, when one falls to the Dark Side, it wrecking havoc on the person's physicalogy is common. And like that another path is gone.

She's lost all her childhood dreams. She's lost her chance to be a Jedi. She's lost her first love. She's even the dream that seemed so far off she barely thought of it. _Just like Ezra…_ Asha recalls, a night, one of many, she fell asleep on Ezra's couch as a little girl. She had a nightmare. Ezra picked her up and took her to the courtyard. They spent the night stargazing and telling stories. They had done that a lot. _You're going to be an amazing dad someday._ She had said that. He looked so sad at her words. She hadn't understood. Now…

Hands wrap around her shoulders. Asha looks up to see Isolda. "Come on. Let's get you dried off." Asha recognize that voice as the one that is no nonsense voice she uses to keep Ezra from trying to get out of bed. The fact that succeeds should indicate the amount of wiggle room she was being given.

Asha follows Isolda back to Ezra's apartment. "You were right, Ezra. And yes, she looks like a drown wamprat." Asha sighs. Isolda turns to her. "Come on, let's get you dried off." Isolda hands her a towel and the spare set of dry fuzzy pjs she keeps at Ezra's, ushering into the bathroom. When she comes out, she physically feels much better, but emotionally nothing has changed. Isolda smiles at her, "Word of advice, Ezra always felt better after talking with me. Or sometimes Mara. Both have been there." Isolda puts her hand on her shoulder. "You aren't alone. Never will be."

Asha bites her lip. "How can I face him?"

"Only one way to know." Isolda smiles.

Asha sighs. "Just get in here already, Asha." Ezra calls out.

"What was that about Jedi patience?" Isolda teases him.

"Please get in here already." Ezra amends, as Asha hears the eye roll.

Isolda shakes her head. "I can see you two need some time to talk. I'll be right out here if you need anything. Anything. A hug? An ear? Someone to go tap dance on Maul's corpse?" Isolda tries to lighten the mold but clearly failing at Asha's silence. "Right. I'll be making hot chocolate. Let me know when to bring it in."

Asha nods then bites her lip again, walking into the bedroom.

"Hi Master Bridger." Asha says.

"Master Bridger? If that makes you feel comfortable... Though I will miss you calling me Uncle." Ezra says, clearly accepting what he doesn't want to.

"I don't deserve the privilege…" Asha looks down.

"Asha, come here." Ezra says. Asha hesitates a moment before walking over and sitting on the edge of the bed. Ezra reaches up and brushes her cheek. "Asha, no matter what you do, I will always love you. You are my family. No matter where you go in life, I love you."

"Even though things will never be the same…" Asha sighs.

"No, it never will. But not for the reason you think of." Ezra says.

"I'm not a padawan any more." Asha sighs.

"No, you're not." Ezra says. Asha squeezes her eyes shut as he tells her pointblank what she knows. "You're a Jedi Knight." Asha freezes, looking up at him. Finding a sentence would be nice but she is unable to form one. At the sense of disbelief, Ezra smiles, "Would I joke about this?"

"How?" Asha stammers out.

"Asha, you've passed your trials three times over on Malachor." Ezra says, reassuring her.

"I'm not going to be kicked out!" Asha stammers out.

"What? No, of course not. Asha, none of the Masters would even think of that." Ezra says, wrapping her into a hug. "We all are tempted by the Dark side. It's how we face it that matters. And what we do when we fail. Master Skywalker's father returned to the light side before his death. I returned, as well. Mara over came her training. Asha remember, everyone is tempted, everyone can fall, but only the truly strong can stand back up."

Asha snuggles into Ezra's side, crawling into bed like she did when she was a little girl. "I'm sorry for what I said, Uncle Ezra. When I was on the Dark Side."

"I accept your apology and forgive you." Ezra rubs her back, reassuring his beloved niece.

"Uncle?" Asha hugs him tight. Ezra makes a noise of acknowledgement. "About what you said when I was nutty?" Asha pauses, unsure how to say what she wants switches to something else bugging her. "What did you mean by 'brother'?"

Ezra sighs and Asha's worry spikes as she feels his guilt, "You know how I often receive visions? And sometimes I receive the same vision multiple times…"

Asha nods, "Yeah."

Ezra sighs, wincing in pain, both physical and emotional, "One I received for a long time... Even after I fell… Was one of a family, Kanan, Hera and a little half Twi'lek boy, Latif. Then, after I fell, I was in a Sith temple. Kanan and Hera followed me. Hera was pregnant at the time. But… she was struck by a Sith temple trap. She miscarried before she even knew she was pregnant. They tried to lie and say I just mis-sensed it." Ezra takes a shaky breath. "But the vision changed to a little girl… Asha… He was my last victim while on the Dark Side… Not being able to have kids… It is an appropriate punishment to not be able to have kids of my own…"

"Uncle… I missed my period…" Asha says, scared, letting her question go unanswered.

Ezra squeezes her tighter. To have that choice taken away before she's even had a chance to think about it… Ezra breathes.

"You've been through a lot. Stress can often interrupt a woman's cycle, or so I've been told. Give it a few months before you start worrying about that." Ezra says, trying to reassure her. Asha nods, into his chest.

"Another thing…" Asha says. Ezra nods. "You were right. There is a place in my heart for Dad that you can't fill. But do you honestly think, after everything we've been through, there isn't a place in my heart for you that no one, Mom and Dad included, can fill. I love you, Uncle. And don't you dare forget it."

"I won't, Asha. I love you, too." Ezra smiles. Something stabs her waist as she shifts her position.

"I got to stop keeping this in my pocket." Asha says, fishing the kyber crystal out of her pocket.

Ezra takes in a breath. "May I see that?" Asha winces. "Bad choice of words." Ezra admits, holding out his hand.

Asha places it in it. "I found it on Malachor. It seemed too innocent to be there…"

Ezra senses it, recognizing it immediately. "Asha… This is my first kyber crystal…"

"Seriously?" Asha's jaw drops. "How did it get there?"

"Kanan, I and a friend, Ahsoka, where being chased by people called Inquisitors… They eventually evolved into the Knights of Ren." Ezra pauses at the sharp intake Asha gives. "Yeah, they weren't as strong back then, the Emperor wouldn't let them become that. But… It was still scary. Where ever we went they were there. Asha, you can only ever run for so long, and we were dragging the Rebellion down to. We were able to consult a wise master. He told us to go to Malachor. It took me a long time to understand why. But I think it was to show me that there is no winning a war. Death, despair, they will always follow. And if a fight can be avoided; it is a Jedi's duty to prevent it. We are peacekeepers, first and foremost. I was so reckless back then. I didn't understand that there is a difference between strength and power. I needed that lesson. But I don't think even he could have know what lay ahead of us."

Ezra takes a ragged breath and Asha knows he is reliving it as he speaks. "An Inquisitor found us, then called more. We faced three. It was there I met someone who deceived me into thinking he could help me, that he believed in me when no one else did… Like he deceived you."

"Maul…." Asha whispers, her voice scared.

Ezra nods, "Yeah, and then he attempted to kill Kanan to get me, in doing so Kanan…. lost his sight. And then Vader showed up. And… Ahsoka was Anakin Skywalker's padawan… She found out it was him… And…" Ezra starts getting choked up.

"She couldn't leave him… Like how you wouldn't leave Dad. And I wouldn't leave you." Asha says, knowing exactly what she would do in that position.

Ezra nods. "Asha, it was my fault. I was the reason we were on Malachor. I trusted Maul. It's my fault Kanan's blind… That Ahsoka…"

Isolda comes in putting the two hot chocolates on the side table and coming to Ezra's other side. Gently, she pats his hair and starts humming a melody into his ear. Asha closes her eyes. The melody is only a few notes but it is calming, as are the feelings Isolda is projecting in the Force. It calms her too and because of that she realizes what to say.

"Uncle…" Asha takes a breath. "Do you blame me for your blindness?"

Ezra stiffens. Isolda leans further into Ezra's hair; though Asha is ninety percent sure it was to hide that ghost of a smirk, etching onto her face at realizing what Asha is doing. Ezra is quiet for a moment, making Asha exceedingly nervous. "Honestly, no. You were just as much a victim of Maul's brutality during this whole debacle as I was. I know that that is probably not what you want to hear, but it is true."

"Surprisingly, it is easier to hear now than it was ten minutes ago." Asha mumbles before returning to her plan. The mumbling reminds Ezra so much of Hera. "If I am not to blame for this, then how could you be to blame for all of that. You were manipulated. Did you make a mistake? Yeah. But so does everyone." Asha smiles, as she feels his guilt release a bit. "Now, about hot chocolate?"

Isolda smiles, handing them the mugs. She looks directly at Asha and smiles. "Here's to it sticking. I've been telling him the same thing for years."

Asha takes a big gulp of her drink. "I'll keep an eye out. We can tag team him."

"I'm right here, you know?" Ezra deadpans.

In an act of beautiful synchronization that sends Ezra back to one of his earliest missions on the _Ghost,_ Isolda and Asha say, "We know."

Ezra shakes his head, setting his mug on top of the storage box that made up his headboard. "Asha, could you sit up." Though mildly confused, she does as asked. Ezra opens the door into the storage area and pulls out a small box. As if sensing Asha's eyebrow raise, Ezra says, holding up his first crystal. "This little one should be with the others."

"How many crystals have you gone through?" Asha chuckles.

"This one, the green one from my second one, the red one from my time on the Dark Side, and the three in my current lightsaber." Ezra says.

"You kept the red one?" Asha asks.

"Of course, he did. It may not be a part of his history that he is proud of, but it is an important part nonetheless. Not that that stopped him from trying to destroy it, at one point." Isolda says, taking Ezra's hot chocolate and stealing a swig. "All that accomplish was blowing a cliff face and it almost took him with it."

"And all I was able to do was crack it." Ezra sighs.

"Wow… Lot of power in the Kyper crystals." Asha says, taking a sip of her drink, feeling a bit more like a self she could recognize. Not her old self, she could never be that again. But she still has people who cared about her. She still loves musicals and drooling over dresses she'd never wear on the holonet. She couldn't wait to get start sparring again, with her control having gotten much better. She is the same and she is different. It is bizarre but doesn't feel quiet so bad anymore. And for the first time, she feels ready to really face the future.

"Why do you think I keep? I don't want it to-" Ezra's sharp intake startles both of her and Isolda. "Ezra?" Isolda says in a worried rush, one hand putting down the mug, the other going to check his wounds.

Asha glances into the box. There are only two crystals. The blue and the green. "It's gone…" Ezra says worried.

Asha gulps. Nothing good can come from a missing Sith Crystal.

 **I am cruel. Fun Fact: I hate bacta tanks. Its why you will rarely see them in my works. There are very few circumstances that I can imagine it actually proven beneficial. And before you point to Luke in Empire Strikes Back, I honestly don't think that was a bacta tank. Remember, Luke was still very much injured after exiting the tank. I think it was just a tank of heated water. Remember, the most seriously thing Luke was facing was hypothermia and water is a lot better at transferring heat than air. Think about thawing a** **turkey.**

 **Thank You Time! Thank you AngetianPrincess18, Connie rose, and Silverfox22 for following. Thank you Starseeker Jedi, The Scottish Hippie, and FearOtaku-san for favoriting and following. Thank you Maliwan for favoriting, following and reviewing. Thank you Jedi Jelsa777 for reviewing. Glad to get that reaction. Also don't worry I haven't had issues understanding your reviews. Thank you Jessica for reviewing. Thank you Midnight Luna for reviewing. Glad you like the name. Fair warning, I think Inner Fangirl might have a panic attack, cry, and/or go into a fetal position. It is going to be doozy. Thank you Grandmaster-Kayla for reviewing, and not tracking me down like she threatened. See Ezra's fine. I'm not going to kill Ezra. I might kill anyone else but I am not going to kill Ezra. Thank you Casstrum93 for reviewing.**


	10. Chapter 7: Kriff

**Hey RUHLSAR000 Here! I apologize for the delay. But this thing is roughly 40 pages long and the license on my word processor expire a third of the way through it. Though, you may have wanted me to wait longer. You've seen the chapter title. That's not a joke. Consider this you MAJOR CHARACTER DEATH WARNING. And you know I hate putting those there. Ruins the surprises. But here the real question is who lives, who dies, who tells your story? I am sorry. I needed some humor.**

 **Anyway, I loved the Last Jedi. I know that some people are claiming the new movies are rehashes, but really Star Wars, especially at the trilogy level,s has always had that cyclical nature to it. I think it comes from the Jedi's origin in Buddist warrior monks from Japan (No, I am not kidding these guys where awesome). The cyclical nature of life is a big concept in Buddhism. Though I have to ask, is anyone else thinking Ben was being less than honest with Rey about her parents. I mean he was saying throughout the movie they were no one before his and Rey's confrontation, it serves a little to close to his own motives and why did he get two visions and Rey only get one? Any let me know your thoughts. I considered rewriting it to meld better with the Last Jedi, but then it would have taken longer and this one said goodbye to canon speculation when Maul died. Good news though, only one chapter left.**

Asha races through the open-air corridors, flipping over Mara Jade as she rounds the corner. Mara sighs, "I don't want to know."

Asha doesn't even pause, humming "Late. Late. Very late" under her breath. She leaps over the baster, dropping into the main courtyard. "Lat-" She skids to a stop.

About fifteen younglings and kids between the ages of 5 and 9 have tackled her Uncle. "Okay," Ezra says, trying to get their attention. A five-year-old jumps on his kidney, eliciting a groan.

"Alright kids, Master Bridger has a council meeting soon." Asha claps, earning a bunch of groans. But they do climb off her uncle. Asha can't help but chuckle when she hears her uncle groan, too. "Would you prefer I let them tap dance on your kidneys?" She arches an eyebrow.

"They were just having fun." Ezra shakes his head, reaching for his carved and colorful cane, a gift from Sabine. He struggles up. Asha takes his shoulder to help him. "I'm fine. I can do it." It could have come off as mean but Ezra never lets his fondness for his niece leave his voice.

"I know, but you don't have to do it alone, you grumpy old man." Asha smiles.

"But if I always let you help me, then I won't be able to when you're out saving the galaxy." Ezra smiles, with nothing but affection.

"I guess that's true." Asha shakes her head stepping back, ready to help should he need it.

Ezra straightens up. "Shouldn't you be packing?"

Asha shakes her head, confused. "The summit was delayed a few days due to several solar flares surrounding the system, making it dangerous too pass unless your name is 'Hera Jarrus'. You know that."

"That wasn't the packing I was referring to," Ezra smirks. "Though that was a lucky break. You actually get to spend time with your family on your birthday instead of spending it buried under last-minute paperwork and negotiations.

"By the way, Isolda is having her own migraine to deal with. Apparently, First Order sympathizers caused a riot in one of the provincial capitals. She sends her regrets and insists that she will show up a few days after the summit to personally give her gift and wish you a happy belated birthday."

"She doesn't have to," Asha says, feeling guilty about causing her aunt more stress.

"She wants to." Ezra smiles.

"And I'm sure that seeing her lover has nothing to do with it." Asha teases him, after checking to make sure no one is around.

Ezra's head shoots up sensing for anyone nearby. He sighs in relief when he senses no one. "That is just a perk." He shakes his head amused. "But we really shouldn't speak of this where anyone can overhear."

"Would cause quite a scandal. Especially since the media seems to be under the impression that their King and Queen are head over heels in love. Have no clue where they got that-" Asha says, cutting herself off as she senses someone coming.

About three seconds later, a munchkin tries to take out her legs. Luke's daughter, Sotiria, looks up at her. "Hey, Ria, how have you been?"

"Daddy's leaving today," Ria says, huffing.

"And you aren't spending time with him, because?" Asha raises an eyebrow.

"He won't leave without saying goodbye to me," Ria says.

Asha sighs as she kneels down, knowing exactly where Ria is coming from, having been there herself. "Sotiria, your father does important work for the galaxy. He is going to negotiate a treaty between the Alfios peoples in the Danthomi system. The political strife there is causing a lot of little girls never to see their daddies again. It's our duty as Jedi to help those who can't help themselves." Asha explains in a soothing voice.

"I know. But… I miss him. He's a Jedi and is the greatest Daddy in the galaxy but I wish he could spend more time with me." Ria says.

"Spending time with his family is part of a parent's duty. But that's not the only part. Another is to protect their family. The First Order may try and use the strife to gain more power, and the more power they gain, they will be more likely to be able to take younglings. He is trying to make sure that you aren't one of them. It's why your aunt and uncle worked so hard to try and take down the First Order."

"What if he doesn't come back? Like Ben didn't." Ria admits her real fear.

Asha hugs her, "He will. Your father will always come back for you. And it's alright to admit you miss Ben. I do, too. If you ever need to talk about it, I'm right here."

"Thanks, Ash." Ria smiles.

"Now, I think there is someone who wants a hug," Asha says releasing Ria and looking over at Master Skywalker.

"Daddy." Ria rushes over and hugs him.

"Ria," Master Skywalker scoops her up into his arms. After a moment, he says. "Asha's right. I will always come back for you."

Ria nods but still looks worried. Master Skywalker bites his lip trying to think of some way to calm his daughter. He sets her down, unclips his lightsaber and locks it in practice mode. "I am going into peace talks, bring a weapon might cause both sides to not trust me. Think you can hang on to this until I come back." He hands over the lightsaber.

Ria's eyebrows, shoot up, as do Asha's. "Yeah, I can do that Daddy."

"I'd also like to remind you, this isn't a toy. I expect you to handle it with what you have learned from lightsaber class."

"Of course," Ria says. And Asha, while glad he is giving warning, wants to roll her eyes. The first thing they teach is safe handling and no kid in the order thinks of it as a toy. They scare the living kark out anyone who even thinks otherwise.

"Come on, your mother wanted to spend some time together before I leave," Luke says, picking up his daughter. Luke smiles. "See you, two later." He nods to Asha and Ezra. "Thanks for mediating my classes' exams, Master Bridger. May the Force be with both of you"

"No problem. May the Force be with you." Ezra nods.

As they walk away, Asha watches them, "I can't say he hasn't changed since Ben left, and I can't say it is not for the better. Still, I wish he didn't have to carry that weight."

"We all carry our pasts on our shoulders, some burdens are just a little heavier." Ezra nods.

"Still, it was my fault. I failed him as a friend." Asha sighs.

"And as you pointed out, he failed him as an uncle. I failed him as a mentor. We all failed him." Ezra nods. "Now, I have to go to a review session for those taking the trails tomorrow. Like it will help at this point."

"Need any help?" Asha offers.

"Much appreciated but I believe you have other duties to attended to," Ezra smirks.

Asha pales. "Oh, Karabast!"

Asha sprints out of the courtyard and through the halls, sliding to a stop in the main entryway. It's an elegant room with pillars reminiscent of the old temple on Coruscant, and a large flower mosaic in the center that symbolized the searching and giving of knowledge in Valenci. No doubt because Isolda's father had paid for it as a 'thank you' for training his daughter. Ezra wanted it to the old Ashla symbol but Master Skywalker protested having a symbol of the dark side in the entryway of the Jedi temple. Ezra still got the last laugh though as he made sure the surrounding floor was a checkerboard pattern.

"I think you left skid marks." A fourteen-year-old sitting on one of the benches surrounding room says getting up. Her waist-length auburn hair is tied back in a braid, the base of which is covered with a cage-like wire headpiece, as usual. Her almost white robes are significantly lighter than anyone else in the temple, causing her to be fairly easy to spot among Jedi.

"Sorry, Padawan. Ria was having an issue with her dad leaving." Asha says, huffing as she catches her breath. "But I am here now."

"Right," Aki smiles. "Now, I was thinking since delegations from Garel and Tanto will be there we may need to remind the host planet, of their… issues."

"Probably, but we should probably be less blunt." Asha smiles, as she gently ushers her padawan towards the Jedi offices.

"Of course, maybe say something along the lines of 'as peacekeepers, we'd like to see the seating chart to double check that no unnecessary conflicts arise. Only frame it as a flattering request." Aki begins to spin her hands around themselves, a tell that she is getting wound up. "Oh! And the Letheirians' religion bars the consumption of meat. While they do not mind others from partaking in meat, it is probably a good idea to remind the caterers hired for the event."

Asha puts her hand on Aki's shoulders, "Breath. You made this list two weeks ago. I already sent off the requests to look over the seating charts, which arrived yesterday after training. And the caterers sent a confirmation as well as a sample menu for approval, to us as well as the hosts."

"But what about-"

"The hotels have been alerted to Delegate Delvins' species allergy to feathers." Asha cuts her off.

"And-" Aki continue.

"As well as Senator Geen's insistence on bottled rose water," Asha says. "We've already planned every glaring issue and done what we can for it. All we can do now is to review the deluge of files for anything we might have missed, which we haven't. And relax. You're taking this way too personally."

"Sorry, Master," Aki says, with a sigh. "I just want this to go smoothly." Asha fights off a snort. They're Jedi, nothing ever goes smoothly. "This is only our second mission... And we already have issues getting people to take us seriously."

"That's their issue. Ours is to make sure no one dies." Asha smiles, starting back for her office.

Aki smiles following her, "I don't recall the rose water."

"Oh, right. That was me." Asha shakes her head. "Apparently, we're both a little paranoid about this." Aki laughs, skipping down the hallway. Asha shakes his head before following after her eager to please padawan.

They settle into Asha's small office at the desk that takes up a majority of the room. Asha was honestly flabbergasted when Luke presented it to her last year after she took Aki as a padawan. But apparently, he does have more foresight than her, as it gave them space to hold their theory lessons and space for Asha to separate her thesis work from her home life, as well as prep for mission or aid in the prep of others' missions. The fact that it is near the Archives has also proven exceedingly useful.

Sitting there, Asha is struck with amazement. "Master?" Aki asks, looking up from her datapad.

"It nothing Aki. Just amazed at how fast time flies." Asha says, "Last year we were prepping for our first mission. I can't believe it's been a year since it became publicly known I was a Jedi."

"I can't believe it's been a year and a half since you took me as a padawan." Aki smiles. "I was terrible. Whatever did you see in me?" Aki jokes.

But Asha doesn't, looking up at the ceiling, "A pure drive to do the right thing and help people. A desire to use what you've been given for others. While your theory work and saber technique left a lot to be desired, any knight would have been a fool not to see what you can become." Asha puts her datapad down. "You are amazing. Always. And had I not kriffed up your year's padawan trials, you would have been taken on by a Knight far more competent than I."

"I don't want any other master!" Aki says, quickly. "Sure, I train with the other knights, but you are my master."

Asha smiles, "The Force is mysterious and it is great. But that didn't stop me from doubting myself constantly especially when I was having to decide if I was ready to take on a padawan."

"And what made you decide you were?" Aki smirks.

"I never said I did." Asha smiles. No, she wasn't ready, isn't ready. But she knows now that if you feel ready then that's a sign you aren't. Then almost randomly, Asha asks, "Do you remember when I quizzed you on mock trial questions?"

"Do you mean when you were quizzing me as practice or when you gave me the trials pretending it was practice?" Aki asks, remembering the time with mirth. Though, getting called into Master Skywalker's office a week into the second term of the year had been terrifying.

Asha gives a half chuckle of amusement. "I had asked, 'What would you do if you found out your teacher had fallen to the Dark Side in the past?'. Your response was, 'Then they'd be a better teacher because no one can learn from one who has never faltered. It's how we get up that defines us.' It was that point I realized I would do everything within my power to help you become a Jedi. Even if I couldn't convince the masters to allow me to train you, I'd have helped any way I could. Apparently, it was that determination that they were looking for. I still don't know what the kriff I am doing, but you have always accepted what I can teach. Thank you."

"Master, you are much too hard on yourself." Aki smiles, shaking her head.

"Probably." Asha smiles, shaking her head. Then she kickbacks her chair, "Come on. We aren't going to accomplish any more than causing ourselves to panic. How about some stress relieving sparring?"

Aki bites out a laugh. "Of course, Master."

"Let's see, Uncle Ezra has probably dragged his review lesson out into a courtyard again to discuss the Force's ties to nature because it's a lovely day and he can't stay inside to save his hide..." Asha mumbles, walking towards the classrooms. "So, his classroom is probably free."

They arrive quickly after checking out two practice sabers from the armory.

"You really should build your own lightsaber, Master," Aki notes, clearly wondering why she has yet too, as she stretches out.

"Oh, so just because I don't carry a lightsaber, I'm not a Jedi?" Asha smirks, stretching her hamstrings.

"You know that isn't what I was saying," Aki says, switching from her left to right leg.

"Good. Because what makes a Jedi, a Jedi is their connection and use of the Force, specifically the Ashla. A lightsaber is the tool of a Force-user to carry out the will of the Force. A heavily personalized tool, but a tool none the less. I am doing just fine without it." Asha says, not harshly but clear that she is done talking about it.

"Is that why you and Master Bridger are working on a weaponless form?" Aki asks, without missing a beat.

"I don't know what you're talking about," Asha says, trying to keep the smirk off her face. It is supposed to be a secret after all. Asha gets up, pushing the desks to the wall with the Force. "Shall we begin?" Asha shifts into a defensive position.

Aki attacks. Before her swing is halfway through, Asha's flicked off her saber, slides under the blade grabs the hilt and twists it while delivering a pulled punch to the gut. She pulls the saber from Aki's grasp as she sweeps out her feet. Before Aki hits the ground, Asha has Aki's blade to Aki's neck. "Form VIII?" Aki says, clearly startled at how fast she went down.

Asha makes not comment. Form VIII does not exist... yet. "Again." She pulls Aki up and hands her back the practice saber.

They return to start position. Asha takes a deep breath, calming the overwhelming desire to move, to do something productive. _Aki is your padawan_ , Asha chides herself. _There is nothing more productive than training her._

Aki stabs. Asha moves over two inches, deactivating her blade, letting the blade move past her as she grabs Aki's wrist and twists Aki's arm behind Aki, causing her to drop the practice blade. Asha holds the blade to her neck. "Are you actually going to use your blade today?" Aki asks.

"Are you actually going to be able to handle it?" Asha smirks.

"We'll see," Aki says, as a pen hits Asha between the eyes. Aki uses the distraction to break free of Asha's hold, pull her practice saber to her hand and drops into a sweep. Asha jumps, activating her blade, catching Aki's swing. Blades clash and dances, Asha easily matching Aki's swings and hopefully easing up enough for it to be tough but not impossible on Aki. That's always a challenge but Asha would like to think she's mostly succeeds. Aki falls flat on her back. "You're harder today."

Asha's sighs, pulling her up. Well, she mostly succeeds. They return to start the start position.

Aki pause, still holding up her blade, but not in a defensive way. "Master..." She asks in a confused voice. "Are you alright? You seem jumpy..."

Asha lowers her practice blade, "It's nothi... You're right. I... Just... I've been feeling like something is about to happen for the past two days. Like the Force is trying to tell me something."

"Have you medi-" Aki starts before cutting herself off. "Right stupid question."

"There are no stupid questions. When we are stressed, we do tend to miss the obvious. I've been meditating constantly since it started." Asha sighs, turning off her lightsaber and leaning against a desk.

"Have you discussed this with Master Jarrus or Master Bridger?" Aki asks, turning her own off.

"About what? It's not even conscious most of the time, just the jittering inability to sit still." Asha sighs.

"You should still tell them," Aki says.

"Karabast, I'm supposed to the Master," Asha mumbles under her breath, then stands. "This is probably the two hours of sleep talking, but why don't you take the afternoon off and go play with your little sister. I am going to need to track down my dad."

"Oh, thank you," Aki says. "Um... I made you this, for your birthday." Aki pulls out a small drawstring from her pocket.

"Aki, you didn't need to get me anything." Asha smiles at her padawan.

"I wanted to." Aki smiles, shoving it into Asha's hand. "It's not much." Asha opens it and pulls out a woven bracelet made of the five primary lightsaber colors, with red, blue, green, purple, and yellow making up the base and purple woven into words, their saying. You are amazing, always. "It's a wish bracelet. Although, Jedi shouldn't have overwhelming desires. I thought it could remind you of how amazing you are until you don't need it to." Aki rambles.

"It's beautiful." Asha cuts her off. "Would you tie it on for me?"

Aki beams up at her friend and master. "Sure." Aki takes it and ties it around her left wrist. "Now, you've got to promise you won't take it off until you don't need it anymore." Aki points her finger like she's the one teaching.

It has the desired result. Asha laughs. "Of course, Master." Asha bows, sarcasm dripping off her every word and movement. "Now, get. I have a headache to deal with."

Aki rolls her eyes. "Hopefully, your father can help."

"I think you're confusing what the headache is," Asha smirks. Aki laughs as she heads to the door. "Wait!" Asha calls out before she can stop herself, fear lacing her voice as nausea almost overcomes her.

"Huh?" Aki turns back to her.

"Master?" Aki asks, both confused and concerned.

"I..." Asha looks down at her new bracelet. "I just got the strangest feeling. That I'm never going to see you again."

Aki shakes her head. "Don't be silly. I'll see you tomorrow." Asha bits her lip, giving Aki pause. "I'll be careful. May the Force be with you." Aki reassures.

"May the Force be with you," Asha says, more like a prayer than a goodbye. Asha cloaks her fear behind her shields so that her padawan isn't alarmed. It's probably nothing. But as the door closes behind Aki, Asha can't help but feel for a split-second, their bond fade into shadow as if it was never there. Asha sinks to the floor, barely in control of her legs. It was only for an instant. It wasn't real. She repeats to herself as a chant, willing it to be true.

But the will of the Force is stronger than her own, and Asha can't shake off the feeling she may have just felt a hint of what is to come. Asha focuses on her padawan, using the Force-sight both her Father and Uncle taught her. She watches as Aki walks down the temple steps and into the village. She watches as Aki walks through the village, pausing to chat with a few people. Mr. Tomson, the baker. Ms. Cel, the butcher. Probably buying dinner. It is her turn to cook, right?

Something shakes her shoulder. She ignores it focusing on her padawan. "Asha!" She ignores it. The shaking becomes worse. "Asha!" Two voices mix together. Aki arrives at her home. Asha doesn't want to stop watching over her padawan, but she recognizes the voices who are near panic now.

Asha blinks back to her normal vision to see her dad and uncle staring at her filled with panic. "Hey...y" Asha's voice cracks, before burying herself in her father's arms. He hugs her tight rubbing her back in circles.

"What happened?" Ezra asks, gently.

"The Force. It's trying to... It was only just a buzz for two days. Nothing to really get too worried about. Then, it felt like... What is it saying?!" Asha asks, curling tighter into Kanan.

"Asha, breath. In through your nose, out through your mouth." Ezra demonstrates. "In through your nose, out through your mouth." Asha mirrors Ezra, reaching out through to the Force and letting go of her more panicked emotions. After a few breaths, she is better. Not enough to let go of her father, but better. "You good?"

Asha shakes her head. "My bond with Aki. For a moment, it was just gone." Both men stiffen.

"Gone?" Ezra looks at her. "Like gone? It never existed?"

Asha shakes her head, "No, I could still feel my end but it, it wasn't snapped, but there was nothing on the other side. I'm sorry I can't really explain it."

Ezra moves his none existent gaze above her. "Kanan?"

"I don't have any ideas." Kanan admits, "I doubt Skywalker would, too. Besides he's gone."

"We can hit the archives tomorrow," Ezra says.

"Why not now? I really doubt that you two will have time tomorrow, anyway. With Master Skywalker gone, even if neither of you aren't looking for new padawans, you will not have time with the trials," Asha asks, finally fighting off the dread. It may be childish, but her family is here. And there is nothing that they can't deal with.

"Because your mother wants us home for an early dinner," Kanan says.

It takes a moment for her to remember. "Oh, right. Birthday dinner." Asha nods, still wondering if she shouldn't go immediately to the archive. Surely, her mom would understand...

"Come on, Little one. It's late. Panicking tonight is not as effective as a clean head tomorrow." Ezra cuts off her thought. She sighs, knowing he is probably right. It's not like she has a lot to go off of anyway. She'll try meditating later tonight again and then go to the archive tomorrow with a clear head.

With one last calming breath, she gets up. "Right. I can ask Aki to help me search, instead if it would be easier for you guys. I'd rather not worry her, but this involves her just as much as me." With a plan set, she feels better. Not great, not after that harrowing experience but better. "Come on. Mom's waiting." Her father hovers close beside her, worry radiating off him. "I'm fine, Dad. Really."

"Pardon me for finding that hard to believe," Kanan says with his usual level of sarcasm. "But you're right. Hera's probably wondering where we are."

Unsurprisingly, the three of them walk in silence, not really up for talking. Asha is still wound up like a music box about to break. And that is winding Ezra and Kanan up.

Asha takes a calming breath, as she opens the door. "Hey, Birthday Girl!" Sabine gets up from the couch followed by Zeb.

"What are you, guys doing here?" Asha breaks into a huge smile, hugging them both tight. "I thought your trip this year was canceled because the summit was delayed."

"Are you kidding?" Sabine laughs, pulling back a little.

"That just made us show up early." Zeb picks her up like she is still five.

"And celebrate on your actual birthday," Sabine adds.

Asha just hugs them again. "Thank you."

Sabine shares a look with Zeb. "Rough day?" She asks.

Asha's strained laugh is all the confirmation she needs. "It was fine until about ten minutes ago."

"What happened?" Zeb asks.

"We can talk about it during dinner. Right now, wash up." Hera says pulling a roast out of the oven.

They didn't talk about it during dinner. Asha willfully sidestepped it by commenting on the miracle of her Mom not burning the food. Hera huffs but she can't of argue. While not a bad cook, Hera, after getting distracted by work enough to set off the temple fire alarms, three times, has ensured her cooking will be the subject of jokes for years to come. But for once she's not upset by it. She's not blind to her daughter's stress and if it eases it a little then, well, she's not going to stop it.

Dinner goes smoothly and by the time a holo is taken of Asha blowing out eighteen candles out is snapped, Asha is back to her old self.

"Okay, present time." Hera smiles.

"And confession time, it's really one gift that we all got parts of," Sabine says, as Asha notes the six small brightly wrapped boxes.

"Oh, now I'm curious." Asha laughs, picking one up.

It's Chopper's present. The droid in question chortles. "No one cares, Chopper," Zeb grumbles before getting zapped.

"No fighting on my birthday, please," Asha says undoing the loud orange wrapping paper. It's a power cell. A good sturdy one that can be recharged if need be. She knows this one especially. It's the one that Chopper always keeps on him in case of emergency. One that had saved everyone's skin more than a few times.

"Thank you, Chopper." Asha pats his head, truly touch. She honestly can't remember Chopper not having it on him and that made it all the more special. "Okay, so clearly I am going to be building something." She says, picking up the next gift.

It looked like it had been professionally wrapped in pretty silver paper. She glances at the tag. "Looks like Zeb finally just hired a gift wrapper." She teases.

Zeb chuckles. "What can I say? Fur, big fingers and tap don't mix." Gently, she unwraps it. Then looks up confused. It's a small motor like device, with a cavern in the center for something. "Heh," Zeb gives a weak chuckle. "I admit it doesn't go directly with the others. But I wasn't having any luck and someone suggested I go with my gut. It's an electric pump for a bow-riffle."

"You guys want me to make a bow riffle?" Asha jokes, after all, it is a critical component of a bow-riffle.

"I figured you'd get some use out of it somehow even if it isn't apart of the plan," Zeb says. "I wasn't using it anyway."

It clicks in Asha's mine. "This is part of your- I can't possibly accept this." Asha tries to hand it back. "It's far too precious."

Zeb closes her hand around it. "It's not doing anyone any good collecting dust on my wall. And there is no worthier a warrior to pass it on to." Zeb smiles. "Besides, there is something far more precious to me that if it helps protect while she's out saving the galaxy... Well, that's more than worth it."

Asha understands, and nods, because she really can't think of anything to say. Gently, she places it back in the box and sets it down on the coffee table.

Zeb smiles, "A kyper crystal is put in it to focus the charge. I figured you'd want your own for that."

"So that's what was focusing the energy?" Ezra asks genuinely surprised.

"Yeah, Jedi are the only Force knowing being who uses them. Remember the lasats have strong ties to the Force, too." Zeb huffs. Asha chuckles looking over the gifts.

A small jewelry box catches her eye. She knows what's inside. The Force isn't exactly being subtle. And it is also from Master Skywalker... So, that's also the last one she is opening.

So, Sabine's gift is next. "Love the wrapping paper," Asha says as she carefully removes the Starbird emblazed paper. As she opens the box, she freezes.

Ezra squeezes her shoulder before she can protest. "You're ready, Asha. It may not feel it, but you are."

"Besides, with you going on more and more missions now that you're of the age of majority... We'd feel better if you had one." Her father adds. Asha mutely, removes the gift from the box, a lightsaber casing. It's surprisingly lightweight just big enough for her to grip both her hands with a little room between and to wrap her pinky around the end like she did to get more power into her swings. It's etched in a way that if it is turned in just the right way a Starbird comes out of a base of fire where the grips will end.

"It's gorgeous, Aunt Sabine," Asha says, her mind already racing through the parts she has unwillingly grabbed over the past two years. The Force seems to hum in satisfaction. And Asha realizes it should. She had even planned for Zeb's addition to her lightsaber without knowing it, the Force guiding her. Alright, Asha says in her mind. It's time. "What's it made of?" She asks, trying to gather a further spec of her lightsaber's properties.

"Beskar." Sabine answers without hesitating.

Asha's tattooed eyebrows shoot up. "I thought beskar was all but impossible to come by outside Mandalorian armor stores."

"It is," Sabine says. "I may have repurposed a piece of my old armor." Sabine cuts Asha off before she starts. "Yes, beskar stays in the family. But you are family. And a Jedi's lightsaber is their armor. This armor got me through a lot when I served in the Rebellion. I'll sleep better knowing your armor isn't going to fail."

Asha nods, looking at the three remaining gifts. One was Skywalker's which she still doesn't want to open. The other two... "Grips and cycling field energizer."

A jolt of surprise radiates off her parents. Hera looks at her. "How did you know?"

Asha gives a week shrug, "They're the only parts I need now, with the parts I've been picking up. That and the crystal, well, crystals."

Hera shakes her head, "Well, at least we picked right. And this explains why Ezra didn't want to join in. Not enough parts."

"Call it a feeling." Ezra smiles.

"Sure, it was." Sabine leans over and ruffles his hair.

"Is there some sentimentality behind yours, too?" Asha smirks at her parents. They smile and shrug. "I swear I was joking."

"A grip made from the yoke of the Ghost." Hera smiles. "They never failed me. And they won't fail you." Hera leans over and kisses her daughter.

"Cycling field energizer from my lightsaber. They just don't make them like they used to in the Old Republic." Kanan smiles.

Asha gets up and hugs them. "Thank you. Thank you, everyone."

"Hey, you haven't gotten all your gifts, yet," Ezra smirks.

"That's right. You mentioned already having a plan when we were planning?" Sabine says.

"Oh, it's something good," Kanan smirks.

"The term you're looking for, dear, is soul-suckingly adorable," Hera adds with an eye roll.

"Well, now I'm curious." Asha deadpans. "Not like I need my soul for anything."

Ezra chuckles, patting her head, "Close your eyes. It's not something I felt comfortable wrapping."

Asha does as she is told. After a second she hears a door open and then a few seconds later she hears it close. She holds out her hands expecting a box or something. Instead, she feels tiny paws on her lap. Her eyes flutter open, to see a grey loth-kit with a big red bow. "I love you." She says, immediately scratching under her chin.

"Soul-sucking, indeed." Zeb laughs, "A lightsaber and a loth-kit. I'd say this is a good birthday."

Chopper beeps something not meant for polite company. Asha's eyebrows shoot up.

"Relax Chopper, you're not being replaced and it's a girl. She can't lick what she doesn't have." Ezra pats his head. Chopper whacks his hand away beeping disgruntledly. "He'll get over it," Ezra reassures, as Asha looks after her droid uncle.

And he does come back an hour later. And not long after that, Hera sends them all to bed, citing the Jedi are busy tomorrow. Asha huff, but does as her mother says. She won't have to soon as she is moving out after she gets back from her mission.

However, sleep doesn't come to Asha, instead, she just tosses and tosses before she gives up. Flinging her covers off she gets up and goes to her desk. Now that she has her office, it's become more of a storage place than a workplace. Still, in the low light of her room, she can make out old homework problems and sketches that had bled through the paper, old datacards and a neatly wrapped box next to her lightsaber parts that wasn't there when she went to sleep. It's from Uncle Ezra, that she is certain of. "How does he do that?" Asha shakes her head, gently opening it. It's the kyber crystal she recovered from Malachor, when she became a knight, under it a folded up not. She carefully fishes out the note.

 _The crystal has started calling you. And it's not the only one. I couldn't help but notice you didn't open Master Skywalker's gift, and it's fairly obvious what it is. It's okay to miss what we had and its okay to acknowledge our failures, Little One, but not at the expense of the true gift of the present._

Asha sighs opening Master Skywalker's gift. Ben's blue kyber crystal stares back at her. Asha closes her eyes and listens to the Force as it sings these two crystals are hers now. Slowly, she sinks deeper into the Force. She is the Light. She is the Dark. She is the Force.

The soft click of metal coming together echoes.

She is the Light. She is the Dark.

Clink. Clink.

She is the Light.

Clink.

She is the Dark.

Clink. Vroom. Click.

She is the Force.

She comes to as she hears her parents alarm. Something drops into her lap, narrowly missing the little grey kitten that snuck on to her lap sometime in the night. Something? Who is she trying to fool? Asha knows well enough it's her lightsaber.

Glancing down, Asha can't help but think it is perfect as she sees her little kit sniffing it. Gingerly, Asha picks, wondering if the Force influenced her relatives' choices. It even has a small slit perfect for concealing a holo datacard, which she takes advantage of by slipping in the one containing copies of all her favorite family photos. Something is up and she is not losing those.

But as she does, she notices that there's only one switch but she knows for a fact that it has two modes, zap and blade. She also knows that that switch is for zap. So, how does she ignite the blade?

There's a knock on the door, startling Asha out of her examination. "Asha, do you want breakfast? Your father's going to have to leave soon." Hera calls out.

Asha blinks, "Sure, Mom. Be right out…" She flings on her robes and, after a moment, clips her lightsaber to her waist. It's going to take some time to get used to the weight and the swinging of each step. With a yawn, she walks out. Sabine and Zeb are already eating. Her father turns to her, waiting for his food. "Hey, Sweetheart." He arches an eyebrow. "You know I wasn't expecting you to immediately build your lightsaber. Ezra worked on his first one for weeks."

"My first one what?" Ezra yawns entering the apartment. He has bags under his eyes and hair is unusually messy in his ponytail.

"Lightsaber," Kanan says.

Zeb laughs, "What'd you do kid? Lose to a wookie?"

"I had him on the ropes," Ezra rolls is bantha milk eyes, limping over to the counter and swiping Kanan's mug of kaff and the next plate of chocolate chip pancakes.

"Hey!" Kanan says.

"You remember me telling you yesterday about the Force being testy recently. Well, the Force kicked into high gear and was yelling at me all night without saying a kriffing thing. You want me to be helpful at the trials? Let me have this." Ezra gulps down the kaff.

"You too? Why didn't you say anything?" Asha says pulling up a chair. "Last night, the Force all but demanded I make my lightsaber."

"You think we should cancel the trials? Or postpone them?" Kanan asks.

"No there's not enough to go on." Ezra shakes his head, biting into the pancakes. "I've been asking around. Asha's the only one whose noticed anything. You really think Master Skywalker would have left if that wasn't the case."

Asha nods, "And I know I have no say in this, but I'd rather not cause another set of trials to be canceled. I'm still getting dirty looks on occasion. Additionally, canceling them this late would likely cause unnecessary panic. After all, it's probably nothing."

Kanan nods at the assessment as Hera slide food in front of him. "Fair point. Still... How about I request all Jedi and security be put on alert?"

"That's fair." Ezra nods in agreement.

"I forgot how annoying this Force stuff was," Zeb grumbles as Hera sets down a plate of food in front of Asha. "How do you stand it, Hera?"

"Well, if it bugs you so much you could always head back to the Senate," Hera smirks.

"No, I'm good," Zeb says too quickly. "It's filled with a bunch of appeasement idiots. They're trying to cut funding to the Resistance again. They're already on a shoestring budget. And with the First Order's recent movements that's the last thing they need."

"What are they up too?" Asha asks, biting into her pancakes.

"There are star destroyers amassing on the edge of neutral space." Zeb sighs. "General Organa's in a tizzy about it."

"That can't be good. I'll see if I can do anything about supplies when I get back to the office." Sabine takes a bite of her pancakes. "Ezra, you touch my kaff and you lose a finger." Ezra moves his hand away from the kaff.

Asha chuckles, but all to soon breakfast is over. Asha gets up and grabs her datapad. "We going to see you at the trials today?" Sabine asks. "Maybe you'll find another padawan? Or go enjoy the games stalls set up in town?" Asha pauses, remembering that as she is now the age of majority all the limits she, her father, her uncle, and Master Skywalker worked out no longer apply. Yes, she'll be taking on more missions but she now can also take on additional padawans. The thought hadn't even occurred to her. Did she feel ready to take on another? No, but the same can be said for both becoming a Jedi and becoming Aki's master. So, the better question was does anyone stick out to her this year?

No. Asha was sure no one does. "Nah, Aki's a handful. Besides, I have something I need to do today. I'll be stuck in the Archive for most of the day."

"It can't wait?" Zeb asks.

Asha pauses. Her aunt and uncle couldn't come out here a lot and while they called each other every other day it still isn't the same. But... "No, it can't. I had a weird... something yesterday. I need to figure it out." Asha pauses, "But I'll try and take a break later and come find you guys."

"Sounds good." Sabine nods, hugging her niece. Asha gives each of her family members a tight hug and fills her loth-kit's food bowl before heading to the Archives, sending a comm to Aki telling her to meet her there.

The two of them spend the entire morning researching bonds for something. Finally, around 13:00, when the first round of sparring starts, Asha sighs, shutting down her current datapad. "Alright, that's it. The Force is not leading us to anything and we are not finding anything the regular way."

"But Master!" Aki protests, worry echoing in her voice.

"A break, Aki. We may be looking too closely at the stained glass." Asha lectures as scuffs from outside begin with muffled voices. "Time away will help-" There's a loud bang. Almost like an explosion. "What is going on out there?" Asha gets up and marches over to the door swing it open.

"Did your aunt do something?" Aki asks.

One of her father's padawans runs passed before being impaled on a red blade. The person holding it-

 _Dark cloak. First Order symbol. Knight of Ren._

Asha blocks and slashes. The Knight of Ren collapse in two. Asha hears gasping and it takes a moment for her to realize it's coming from her. She acted on instinct. Her lightsaber blade is out. It's a shade of violet usually reserved for sunsets. The switch is within the hilt only accessible by the Force. She turns it off.

She killed. Firstlight, she's killed- "Master..." Aki's voice breaks her out of her stupper.

"Aki, gather everyone in the Archive." Asha orders, trying to figure out what to do next. Sense tells her to stay put fortify the Archive and wait for the older masters and knights. But there is no way that guy was alone. They may not be safe until they get out of the temple... No, that's too dang-

"By the Force..." Aki says rushing to the hallway window.

"Aki." Asha starts walking over to her. Whatever she is about to say is lost as she looks up into the sky, Two stardestroyers. A third one shows up. "Aki, we have to gather everyone in the Archive," Asha turns her student back to the Archive. "We have to get them to the hangers."

"What?!" Aki says, startled.

"It's an invasion. We have to evacuate." Asha says, with certainty. She pushes them into the Archive locking the door behind them. "Watch the door," Asha says, hopping over the main desk. As she searches for the Archive comm system, she grabs her comm and calls her father. "Master Jarrus, Knight Jarrus here. There are Stardestroyers above with more showing up as we speak." She finds the intercom mike. Blaster fire is coming from her father's side. "Permission to begin evacuation procedures." She connects it to the temple comm.

"Granted." Kanan all but shouts. "Love you."

Asha chocks back a sob, "Love you, too." She pockets her comm, not allow herself to dwell on the conversation. She speaks clearly into the mike. "Attention." Her voice echoes through the Archive and from the hall. "The First Order is attacking. Evacuation orders have been sent out by Master Jarrus. Please, follow evacuation protocols Gamma-Delta." She turns it back to just the Archive comm, "Please, come to the front of the Archive." About a dozen kids show up within two minutes, ranging in age from sixteen to seven, most of them probably studying for finals or independent studies or looking for a quick read. With a quick check in the Force, Asha knows there is no one else. She had honestly been hoping there was another Jedi in the Archive. No such luck.

Most were probably watching... Hopefully, the courtyard wasn't a slaughter.

"Asha..." Ria says, clutching her father's lightsaber. She looks terrified. Even the older ones look scared.

Asha takes a deep breath. She'll make do. She has to. "Don't worry. We'll get through this. Evacuation protocol Gamma-Delta also extends to the village, so your families will be safe. Let's focus on the here and now and getting ourselves to safety." Asha bends down. "Ria, can I borrow that?" Asha indicates to her father's lightsaber. Ria gives a hesitant nod, handing it over.

Asha passes it to Aki, after taking it off practice mode. "Take up the rear. Make sure no one gets left behind."

"Yes, Master." Aki steels herself, clearly just as terrified as everyone else. But she is a padawan, the only padawan here.

After Asha check the hall with the Force, they move. Not quite running, but certainly in a hurry. Their path isn't straight, either. Asha has to divert them many times to avoid Knights of Ren and squads of stormtroopers.

But one Knight catches them in the Force, followed by two more. They are getting closer. "Aki! Switch!" Asha says, moving to the back so when the knight caught up, she'd be confronting them. Aki obeys without question.

As the round the corner of apartments section, Asha doesn't have time to call out. She reaches out and pulls the group back with the Force as she covers Ria. The hall explodes as tie fighter blasts rip through it. Asha forces herself to recover first. Glancing around she confirms that everyone is okay, startled but okay.

Extending her sense, she looks back. Extending her sense was unnecessary though because three Knights of Ren are standing five yards away.

"Aki," Asha says, not allowing her voice to shake as she ignites her blade. Aki ignites Luke's blade behind her. "Take them and run."

"What?" Aki starts. "No."

"They need you to get them to safety. And I do, too." Asha says. "Aki, run!" Asha shoves Aki and Ria over the crevice left by the blast. She feels Aki resolve. And she can't help but feel pride as Aki call to the others to Force jump over.

Asha slips her Force sense over her normal vision. She needs all the help she can get to hold the three Knights of Ren off. They're well trained, Asha can tell from their stances but she doesn't know how well and that places her at a disadvantage. The three of them ignites their lightsabers. The slender one, which if she has to guess was probably female but it is impossible to tell due to all of them wearing masks, carried a lightwhip. Asha rakes her brain for information she has long since shoved into the backs of the useless files of her brain. They are hard to defend against but impossible to master. That resulted in them being rare. The other two, thank the First Light, are using regular lightsabers. That she can handle well enough to buy the others some time.

Asha dodges a strike from the first lightsaber guy. Her gut instinct is to keep them in a line so that she won't have to deal with simultaneous attacks. But she's not the only target here. She's a roadblock.

She one-handed cartwheels out of the sweeping arc of the lightwhip, it's exceptional reach causing her to move farther away than she normally liked to be. Not good. Maybe-

Asha doesn't have time to think as a lightsaber comes down on her head. She catches it with her lightsaber, knocking it to the side, before turning, catching the other lightsaber, kicking off the guy in his stomach and springing with a twist within two feet of Ms. Lightwhip. Asha outward blocks a punch, while throwing her own hammer fist at her jaw. Asha reactivates her blade, as Ms. Lightwhip staggers back half a step.

Ms. Lightwhip blocks Asha's strike with her hilt, nearly causing Asha's blade to fly from her hand. Asha's eyebrows shoot up as her Force sense blares to her right. Asha rolls away from Lightsaber 1, only to catch Lightsaber 2's saber, pinning her in a kneeling position, lightsaber inching closer to her neck.

"And this started out so interesting." Ms. Lightwhip says, turning to Lightsaber 1, "We have this one. She shouldn't give us anymore difficulty." Lightsaber 1 nods walking towards the crevice.

No! Asha thinks, kicking her leg out, letting herself and the blades fall as she directs it. She back rolls to stand just out of range of Lightsaber 2, giving her a clear shot of Lightsaber 1, and before they can react, she launches her lit blade.

It spins towards its target, cutting through it with ease.

"Throwing away your weapon? Rather reckless, wouldn't you say?" Ms. Lightwhip says, thoroughly amused.

Asha ducks Lightsaber 2's strike, grabbing his wrist, twisting it slightly and slamming an elbow strike into the back of his arm. His hisses as it snaps like a twig. Asha throws him away. "You win by destroying us all, I win if some survive." Asha dodges the lightwhip. "Mine's easier." The surprise it held is long gone. The tip is deadly fast but it comms an attack like kriff.

Her Force vision flashes behind her. She sidesteps Lightsaber 2's strike with his non-dominant hand. She ducks the whip strike, but Lightsaber 2 clips her leg, causing her to fall as she dodges. Lightsaber 2 grabs her right arm and her Lekku. Luckily, it's the partially paralyzed one so she's not screaming bloody murder.

Ms. Lightwhip approaches, caring Asha's lightsaber. Asha struggles but his grip on her arm is good. Maybe she could… Ms. Lightwhip points Asha's lightsaber at her chest. "This is the end. Can't say it's been amusing, Young Padawan."

"Jedi." Asha snaps, trying to buy time.

"My mistake. Young Jedi, was that your padawan you sent ahead? She'll be joining you soon."

"No, she won't," Asha says, smirking. At least, Aki will-

Asha gasps as pain echoes through her heart and her mind is sent reeling. Without meaning to a single word escapes her mouth. "No…"

Asha barely registers Ms. Lightwhips laughter, "Well, I guess your padawan won't be joining you. You'll be joining her. We win, Young Jedi." She flicks the switch. Purple and blue sparks shoot out the end far enough away from Asha not to harm her. Asha doesn't think, she acts.

Lashing out with the Force, she jerks the lightsaber up and ignites it. As her captor falls, dead, Asha rips free. She lunges forward, grabbing her lightsaber. Following the upward arc she already started, she forces the lightsaber from Ms. Lightwhip's hand and into her head.

Asha is running before she hits the floor. The crevice doesn't affect her speed as she flings herself over it. She doesn't bother sneaking, too focused on her goal. When she runs into a squad of eight Stormtroopers, she deflects the blasts back at them, downing four, flips over them while cutting through the blasters of three more and flicks the last blaster's fire back as she runs.

She follows her shredding bond. She skids to a halt outside a side hanger. Asha bites down the bile as she looks over the scene.

Not even the younglings are going to be spared in this slaughter.

Asha spots Aki the same moment she realizes something else, Ria's missing. She rushes to Aki, collapsing next to her. "Aki…" She pulls her into her arms, careful not to cause her more pain. A lightsaber wound to the gut is a horrible way to go.

Blood drips from her mouth as she coughs out, "I think… you… left skid… marks…"

"I'm here now… You're going to be fine." Asha says, but they both know it's a lie as Asha fights back the burning in her eyes.

"Listen…" She says her strength fading fast. "Ria's… gone… Ben…" Her voice fades as her eyes become unfocused and the last thread of their bond snaps.

If Asha could have, she'd scream. She would have stayed clutching her padawan till a knight, Jedi or Ren, ripped her out of her arms. This was her student, the one person she was supposed to teach and protect. She would have wallowed. "Jedi way" be damned.

But her home is a battlefield. With a shaky breath, she lies Aki down and closes her eyes. By tomorrow she'll be free to mourn or will have joined her padawan.

Standing up, she is faced with a choice. Hold the hanger, something necessary for the evacuation but will be nearly impossible to do for long without back up and judging by the number of life forms radiating with the Ashla within the vicinity of the of the Temple and town that is growing increasingly unlikely. Search for survivors, something that may be close to suicidal at this point. Finally, to kark out in the nearest ship. Which she physically she can do, she's the daughter of Hera Jarrus after all. But mentally, she can't be able to abandon this place like that. Again, she's the daughter of Hera Jarrus.

What she wants to do is to find her family especially after… that… She wants and needs a hug, but...

She suddenly wishes she had more experience because maybe then she could have an answer to this question with no right answer, only bad ones.

Then something snaps in her mind and she runs. What snapped was something that has been there for so long she wasn't even aware it was there until it snapped, a Force bond that has been there longer than she has been Asha. "No…" She whispers breathlessly as she runs faster, tears streaming down her face. Her vision blurs but she doesn't need it and if it blocks her view of the slaughter that took place in the courtyard, well, Asha's seen too much today as it is.

The only thing that gets through the panicked haze is the snapping. One more goes, followed by another. The second to last of is ripping apart and she pushes herself faster. She doesn't stop in the entry hall.

Without thinking, she flings her lightsaber at the knight of Ren whose lightsaber is raised high in the air. Her aim is sound as it cuts through his arm. She kicks off his back causing him to fall. Her lightsaber flicks back into her hand. She slams it down into his neck, a painless death.

She turns, knowing what she'll see, but not at all prepared.

Aunt Sabine lies there, the front part of her armor has been ripped away allowing a lightsaber to pierce her heart. She fell with basters in hand, a true Mandalorian, and slaughter civilians to her back, a true protector.

Next to her is Uncle Zeb, without his bow riffle he didn't stand a chance, but his bloody knuckles say he wouldn't let that stop him from protecting others, forever the honor guard…

A cough breaks her from her horror. "Dad," She says, kneeling down and hugging her father. There's a lightsaber wound to his gut… Just like Aki. "We need to find a medical kit!"

"Asha…" He says, weakly. "You know…" He coughs. "You know there isn't time or ability…"

"No…" Asha begs. "Please, don't leave me."

"Change what you can, accept what you can't and be wise enough to tell the difference." Kanan chides lightly and full of love.

"I'm really getting sick of what I can't change." She says, tears falling down harder now no matter how hard she fights them off.

"Good…" Kanan smirks through his pain. He reaches over and takes Hera's lifeless hand, after removing the blaster from it. Her mother fought like the rebel she has always been. The dozen dead Stormtroopers and half dozen knights of Ren attest to that, but that is no consolation to the girl who is all of a sudden losing everything she has ever known. "We love you, Asha. Always will…" His eyes close.

"Dad!" Asha shakes him, gently. "Daddy! Please, come back! Daddy!" As his last breath leaves his body, their bond snaps and something in Asha shatters.

She's not a Jedi Knight. She's not an adult. She's not a million things she has tried to be and has grown into. She's just a little girl who wants her parents.

She knows she needs to move, but as the minutes tick by she can't make herself leave them.

Until she hears a lightsaber ignite. She turns around. A knight of Ren stands in the entryway, on the opposite side of the mosaic, a red crossguard lightsaber in his hand. "Asha Jarrus?" His voice is deep and masked, but maybe another life, a peaceful life, she could have recognized it and called it "friend".

"Why…" She says, standing up, her voice scratchy from crying.

"You're not supposed to be here. Did they wise up about you being a bratty schutta and remove you from the Sector 18 Peace summit?" The knight of Ren asks.

If she wasn't hurting so much, she'd wonder how he knew that. Right now, though, she doesn't care, "We were peaceful. We kept the peace in the New Republic. We left you alone." She screams the mostly true statement, anger filling her.

She accepts it is there, releasing some into the Force, allowing the Light and the Dark to flood her.

She is the Light. She is the Dark. She is the Force.

Her mouth moves on its own, sounding old and young and resonating with truth. "Why have you betrayed us? Why have you betrayed your friends?" And it hits her in the back of her mind. This is the man who had given the First Order the location of the Temple.

The "How" doesn't cross her mind especially as her eyes narrow on the lightsaber hanging from his waist, Master Skywalker's lightsaber. He was part of the group that attacked Aki. Probably the one that killed her… "Monster!" Her voice breaks as she launches herself at him, almost losing her deeper form of battle meditation. He blocks her attacks, matching them, evenly. Asha leaps back, breaking the attack off.

Slowly, the two begin circling each other, staring at each other in cold calculation. Asha pulls up her Force vision, heightened by her battle meditation. She has gathered all the information she needs. He favors strong swings and aggressive attacks, but knows how to block and can use it to set up counters as he had tried to do in that flurry. If she had been any worse with a lightsaber, she'd be in ribbons. However, she does have the best lightsaber technique of her generation and grew up sparring someone with a style similar to this guy's preference.

It's thirty seconds before either moves. It's a flurry of attacks so fast Asha doesn't have time to think, just move. Asha kicks. He steps out of the way, sending a counter to her head. Asha blocks, grabs his arm and tries to twist the arm, trying to get him to release the saber while swiping out his feet. He flips over, dislodging her hand and throwing a punch to the gut. Asha doesn't even pause swiping her blade at his neck. He blocks. Asha drops down nailing her hilt into his gut shocking him.

It gives her a split second to kick his head, knocking him over. His lightsaber and helmet fly off. She swings to finish this.

He looks up at her. She freezes midstrike. Her jaw drops, followed by her lightsaber. "B…Ben…" Her voice echoing her uncertainty.

Ben's scared look turns to a glare. He summons his blade and-

Asha's face is engulfed in pain with a flash of red. Asha staggers to the ground with a scream. And then she sees nothing. She can't see anything.

"That's only the beginning of what you deserve after what you did to Master Bridger." Ben's voice growls.

Now, Asha has never once claimed to be smart, but even she knows she's inventing a new kind of stupid when she snarls back, "And what do you get for destroying his life work, his family and all he holds dear _, Bennyboo_." She laces the "Bennyboo" with as much venom as she can.

"You schutta!" He shouts. Asha braces herself to meet her family and padawan. She can't fight him. Not like this…

She hears the sound of lightsabers clashing. "Stay away from my niece!" Her uncle's voice growls with more fury than she's ever heard. _He's alive…_ She feels like crying.

After a moment, she hears a lightsaber disengage. "Go, take her and run." Ben's voice says with a finality.

She feels familiar arms pick her up, sliding her lightsaber into her hands. She clings to her uncle and feels him start to run. She slips on her Force vision, for an instant. Ben's Force signature is confused, sad, angry and looks like a star-cluster forming with all the raging emotions. She lets the Force vision go. She's had too much hurt today to take on others' pain.

Finally, she hears a familiar set of binary swears. "Chopper, start takeoff procedures." And then he asks about Hera and the others. "I'm sorry, Chop. We're all that's left." He says. The floor echoes like they are on a ship and then she is set down on a bench. "Stay here while we get out of here, okay?" Her uncle orders. Asha nods, feeling the ship take off. After a moment, she hears her uncle, again. "Trust me?" Asha nods. "Numbing medication." She feels something cold on her eyes. The pain begins to numb. "I'll be back to give first aid when we're in hyperspace."

The next ten minutes are disconcerting as she can feel a space battle occurring, but has no idea what's going on or how to process it.

Asha feels numb, and it's not just the medication on her eyes. Her padawan is gone. Her father is gone. Her mother, gone. Her aunt, gone. Her uncle, gone. Her friends, her mentors, her classmates, her annoying "rival". Gone. Gone. Gone. Gone. Everything is gone. Her very way of life is gone. And nothing will ever bring it. It's the end.

She can't see. She could open herself up to the Force, again, use the Force sight her Father taught her. But it hurts too much. It hurts knowing she wouldn't see them, like when she opens her Force sight on her only mission and could see them across the galaxy. It hurts to use something so intimately close to her father. It hurts knowing she would probably never be able to fly like her mother. It hurts that she'd never see her aunt's artwork again. It hurts that she'd never be able to smell that awful smell that clung to her uncle. It hurts that she'd never spar with Aki. It hurt-

Two hands wrap around her hands. It's then that she realizes they have settled down and the only vibrations are from hyperspace. The hands are large calloused and so familiar that even if she were surrounded by hundreds of people and didn't know he was here, she'd still be able to recognize blindfolded. Or rather just blind... "I guess we know what happened to my old kyper crystal…" He chuckles weakly. Asha doesn't return it. "Don't do this to yourself, Asha. It only makes the pain worse," Ezra sighs. "We've got to move forward, now. They... They wouldn't want us to wallow in hurt and anger and darkness."

"So... what happens now?" Asha barely recognizes the voice coming out of her mouth as her own. It is so small and it cracks.

She hears her uncle sigh before she hears the beep of a comlink opening. "Hey, Chop. When you finish up there, can you come down here to help me with the medkit?" A short beep of affirmation follows. Asha feels her uncle shift and she doesn't need the Force to know he is just as lost as she is. "First, we head to Krownest. We need to get you medical attention. After that... I don't know"

"Why not Valenci? I know Aunt Isolda would help..." Asha's voice trails off. Krownest was Aunt Sabine's homeworld. Going there would probably mean that Ezra wanted to get help from the Wrens. It makes sense. While Asha had only met the leaders of the clan a few times, she knows her uncle has kept up a good relationship, maybe even friendship, with the current head, Tristan Wren. They would also probably be obligated to help due to Aunt Sabine considered them family. But... It hurt. And Asha can't imagine Aunt Isolda wouldn't help them. Ezra would even get to see her, something small, but nice after everything. She needs something nice right now.

"I'm sure she would. But I doubt there'd be any way for her to keep it out of the media. And right now, with the First Order destroying anything related to the Jedi, we need to avoid that." Ezra says, his voice sad. "Krownest is isolated, in spite of Sabine's position as Mandalore. We can hide there, at least for a little while."

It dawns on Asha and before she can put on a filter it topples out, "You're not going to contact her. Ever…"

She can feel the tension in his arms. "I won't say ever. Because the Force always takes that as a challenge, but for her safety... It's not looking likely..."

Asha wants to cry. She really does. For her family and friends that are dead. For the padawan, she failed. For her uncle who has had every happiness ripped away from him. But she can't muster the energy. "Will it ever get better?"

She hears her uncle sigh, "I miss my parents every single day."

Asha sighs as well, "It's over, isn't it? The Jedi? Their way of life?"

Her uncle doesn't answer right away, "Maybe. Maybe it's over. Maybe it's just changing again. I can't say-"

A loud crash interrupts her uncle. Asha's head shoots towards the sound. "Chopper?" A warble responds followed by the feeling of little paws on her lap.

"Well, I shouldn't be surprised. Loth-cats have always had a strong connection to the Force. She probably knew something was up before the rest of us." There is a small bit of amusement in his voice. Confused she opens herself up to the Force a little. Her loth-kit. Asha pulls her closer and hugs her as she purrs into her chest. Something nice, huh?

Several systems away, though, the temple still smolders. Luke walks over the charred remains of the temple. He keeps himself open to the Force, to find anyone, but there is no one.

How had they found them? Why his students? Why hadn't the Force warned them? Questions without answers swarmed through his head.

Then, a spark. Luke races towards the light, the life, jumping over piles of brick and beam. Not even the town had been spared. After the few seconds of eternity it took to reach the spark, he skids to a stop.

It's not a survivor.

Queen Isolda stares over the debree. An old orange blanket that Luke is pretty sure was in Ezra's living room is wrapped around her shoulders. She is holding a red lantern that he knows has lived on Ezra's counter for years. She stands alone in front of a surprisingly intact security monitor.

"Your Majesty, what are you doing here?" Luke asks.

"You think I couldn't feel what was happening just as well as you." Isolda raises an eyebrow, but that only heightens how weary she looks. "I've already sent word to my people to send in emergency crews to search for survivors and aid in identify..." She takes a staggered breath as if this is physically hurting her as much as it is Luke, something Luke finds hard to believe.

"That's not what I meant. It's dangerous for someone of your stature to be here." Luke says.

"I may rule Valenci, but this was my home. I didn't care about the danger; besides I can take care of myself. Or did you forget about last year's kidnapping crisis." Isolda's eyes narrow, not missing Luke's insinuation.

"No, Your Majesty," Luke sighs. Isolda sighs as well, trying to remain patient. Even a newborn could sense how tumbled Luke's emotions currently are. "I merely and worried about what type of unrest the galaxy may face if you were harmed. It is good to see you, in spite of the circumstances."

Isolda sighs, looking in the direction of the former entryway. "I'm afraid unrest is unavoidable at this point." For a moment she sounds lost, "Sabi- Mandalor Wren and Senator Orrelios were both here during the assault." Isolda fights of the sting in her eyes. "They- I located their bodies alongside Kanan and Hera."

Luke sucks in a breath before turning to the security console.

"Don't," Isolda warns. "You shouldn't look at things unless you're ready to face the worst possible outcome."

Luke ignores her. Bile rises in his through as he watches the assault on his life's work, his home, his friends. It flips to a feed of the entryway. And her sees Asha, little Asha, the little imp that terrorized the temple and became an amazing Jedi, falls to her knees in front of her parents, all but broken. He watches her fight the knight of Ren, knocking off his helmet- "Ben..." Luke can't manage more than a whisper but it is louder than anything he is conscious of. To his horror, Ben strikes at her face, his best friend's face, and she falls. The entryway feed cuts as Luke falls to his knees. "I did this. This is my fault."

"No, it's not," Isolda says, kneeling beside him. "We walk our own path and ours alone. Ben made his choice."

"If I had better supported him... And now, he's even killed the person he loved most." Luke clutches at the rubble.

"Asha's not dead. She wasn't among those in the entryway." Isolda says.

"She came back from the Dark Side. There'd be no body left, for her or Br- Ezra." Luke says.

"I'd have felt it if they'd passed," Isolda says, reaching out for Ezra. There is no response but that doesn't mean anything. He could be cutting himself off right now to hide.

"Over everything?" Luke sighs.

"Fine, then his and Asha's ghost would have visited me already." Isolda huffs, trying not to snap. She's just tired.

Luke shakes his head, before getting up and walking away.

Isolda sighs, looking down at the lantern. She clicks it on with a sigh. "Come back soon, love. I fear we may need the Jedi more than ever soon." She whispers to the sky.

 **Wow. I can't believe I got all that into one chapter.**

 **For some reason, I don't feel right shouting "Thank you time" right now. I wonder why?**

 **I am having some technical difficulties with the dates of favoriting and following right now so if I miss you, I apologize. Thank you MickeyTRN and jpeck2000 for favoriting.**

 **Thank you, Amelia dragneel15, for reviewing. Kylo Ren's lightsaber, that's where the sith crystal went. I totally didn't realize how bloody poetic it is that both Asha and Ben wield kyper crystals that belong to their master.**

 **Thank you, Jedi Jelsa777, for reviewing. How'd you feel about this chapter? Honestly, I knew from the beginning that this was what the second to last chapter was going to be. But now, I love these characters and I hope I did them justice. I think I knew from the beginning I would be able to show all their deathes. I like them too much. This was still a hard chapter to write.**

 **Thank you, The Delta 42, for review. I'm sure at this point Asha's not adverse to the idea. I feel like I should defend him by saying he just had his entire support network ripped away but yeah, he was an idiot.**

 **Thank you, Midnight Luna, for reviewing. I finally get to answer your question. And besides the overwhelming amount of time I put into these characters, I have a set of guideline for OCs, that while I will never say can't be broken, when broken I have yet to see a case where they are good. These are:**

 **1) Does this character add anything to the story that can't be achieved by a character in canon? If yes, proceed. If no, give it to the canon character.**

 **2) Does this character stand up on there own as 3D characters? When it comes to OCs you cannot write them like canon characters because readers already have connections to canon characters. You have to prove to the reader your OC deserves to be there.**

 **3) Is either of the answers above yes because of contrived reason? If yes, then they either need to be reworked or cut.**

 **4) This is the most important one. Do they harm the plot? If yes, they will need at best reworking if not cutting out entirely?**

 **You'd be surprised how many OCs will fail at least one of these and the work suffurs for it. Isolda is actually the closest I have ever come to publishing a character not meeting these guidelines, with her answers to one and two being yes, but we're not focusing on her so the reader will only see snippits of her over all story of being child locked up by her father in a tower because of her Force powers to a strong indepent Queen who is willing to make sacrifices to protect those in need. Or that she showed Ezra a life that he could have if he stopped trying to punish himself. And look how well her reception went. It was probably the worst reception I have recieved for an OC.**

 **As for your last review in My Boy, My Ezra, I don't think it is absolutely necissary for Ezra and Kanan to die by the end of Rebels. Yoda's line comes in RotJ, that is 4 to 5 years after ANH, and Rebels is ending before Rogue One. That's a lot of time for a lot of stories and it seems to be pretty foolish to cut off these guys stories after they've really only been in one form of media in the EU. On top of that, we all know Yoda isn't above lying/bend the truth when that is proved necissary, as he proved with the Darth Vader/Anakin thing and again in the Last Jedi when he burned down the ancient Jedi library. And when he told Luke that, Luke was about to face his father with a real danger of falling or revieling the other Jedi. I'd be more than willing to bend the truth in that instance just so that I don't put all my eggs in one basket. So hopefully you have some piece of mind. I just hope the babies don't start hating on it, if that is indeed what occurs.**

 **Thank you, Cassturn93, for reviewing. This probably took you the entire day as well. I hope it was worth the wait. And Ezra was very happy for those two years between chapter 6 and 7. And yes last time's 3 parter counts as one chapter.**


	11. Chapter 8: So It Ends, So It Dawns

**RUHLSAR000 Here! And this is the last chapter of I Don't Blame You. This feels really weird, especially given how different it is from what I intended. Originally, it was a trial based event where Finn had to prove he was worth to be a padawan. That would have been longer than the last chapter. And I am not writing another 40-page chapter for this thing. Though, depending on how this chapter goes over I may be persuaded to post Asha and Ben first meeting after the Temple. All that said, I kind of like this more especially after the chaos of the last chapter.**

Phoenix Wren "watches" Finn practice as she instructed. To her back, the lifeforms of the base swarm in barely organize chaos. Flying insect's light swirl around them like shooting stars. It's moments like this she doesn't feel truly blind.

The Force swirls around her far stronger than it did a decade ago when she was first injured. It ebbs and swirls in and out of all living things causing them to glow with their emotions. Flying insect that once at one point annoyed her streaks all around her like tiny shooting stars and the once calming hum has turned into a song of comfort.

A familiar shimmering silver creature crawls up to her and hops into her lap, demanding pets. Asha smirks grateful that Loth-cat variate of the tooka species can live twenty plus years in captivity. Melia is still soul-suckingly adorable.

"Keep your guard up. Your melee training didn't teach you that?" Phoenix calls, out fumbling for the datapad she had left next to her.

"How does she-" Finn mutters.

"My ears work fine, Finn. Fifty more repetitions. And watch your back leg. It's coming out of the box." Phoenix rolls her whitish water-colored eyes, as she plugs an earbud into one of her ear to listen to the analysis of the data retrieved by her sister-in-arms, Skyla Wren.

But before she presses play she sees two orange humanoids approach her from behind. She smirks. "Hey. Sorry for stealing your planet for our new base, Master Jedi." She says sarcastically and is rewarded with a good-natured chuckle as the two sits down on either side of her. "Welcome to the Rebellion, Lady Isolda. We are glad to have your strategic insight." Phoenix smiles

Her greeting is met with a pinch to the cheek. "How many times have I told you, you don't need to use a title with me?"

"Uncle, Aunt Izzy's being mean to me." Phoenix whines.

"Good. It builds character." The old Jedi Master says. Isolda releases her cheek with a hearty laugh.

"I have plenty of kriffing character, Uncle Ezra." Phoenix jabs her elbow in his side.

"Oww! Really, Asha? Picking on a blind old man." Her uncle huffs good-naturedly.

"Asha?" Finn calls back.

"Ignore them or the fifty reps becomes five-hundred," Phoenix shouts to him, before turning back to her uncle. "I think you can handle being picked on, Uncle."

"You're starting him on form VIII," Ezra notes with a nod of approval. "Good. With his background, it would act as a good transition into lightsaber form."

"He actually already used a lightsaber in battle with decent results. Twice. And scored in the top ninety-nine percentiles of Stormtrooper." Phoenix corrects.

Ezra nods, knowing that is far more impressive now than when he was a child undercover at the academy. "So, the kid is more naturally inclined to physical manifestations…"

"That may mean having to have him meditate more on the more esoteric and abstract aspects of the Force…" Isolda mumbles, thinking out loud.

"Actually, I think he was more of an empathic nature, but his situation forced him to develop other skills. Much like someone else I know." Phoenix smirks. "He has been very much affected by the awakening."

Ezra nods, "Right, the visions. Why you brought him here in the first place."

"And why you verbally spanked my butt into manning up and taking him on as my padawan," Phoenix says.

"I wouldn't say that…" Ezra shifts, uncomfortably.

"You brought up Aki," Phoenix says. Isolda reaches over and smacks her lover on the back of the head.

"She needed the push," Ezra says rubbing the impact spot. "And OW! You've been wearing a wedding band for over a decade and a half. I shouldn't need to tell you to watch the ring."

"Yeah, well this one's new," Isolda smirks. "And that was a low blow. Now, going back to the awakening, any idea what caused it?"

Ezra shrugs "The Force is myster-"

"It was my padawan and his friend. Both of who are Force-sensitive." Phoenix says, pointing to Finn. "FINN! You're out of the box start again." Finn sighs but does as he is told. "It is so weird that he doesn't grumble."

"Backgrounds. And how did he cause it? And where is this friend?" Ezra asks.

"Rey. Or that's what she is calling herself now. She was sent on a mission to get Master Skywalker." Phoenix smiles.

Isolda lets out a low whistle, "I don't envy her right now. Why didn't you just send her Ezra's way? Sure, he's pigheaded-"

"Hey!"

"But he won't ignore the awakening that has occurred," Isolda smirks at her husband.

"Because she is the only one who can succeed," Phoenix leans back, looking up at the sky. Her mind processes the ebbs and flow of the Force in colors she's forgotten, and maybe never knew to begin with, painting the sky like an abstract mural. Asha, for a moment, allows herself to think how Aunt Sabine would have loved it.

"Doubtful…" Isolda sighs. "I spent a solid month with Leia trying to convince him not to bugger off in an X-wing."

"Guys, she's Ria," Phoenix whispers, softly so that Finn can't hear her. They both shoot up straight as a rod and stare at her gobsmacked. "I only was able to maneuver myself to speak with her for a minute but I'd know that Force signature anywhere. It's her."

"Then why didn't you look for her before?" Isolda asks.

"I didn't think there was anything to look for. Aki said…" Phoenix lets her voice trail off. And then arms encircle her from either side. "I think Ben took her there and hid her. To Jakku, that's where she is reportable from."

"Poor girl, that's almost as bad as Tatooine." Ezra scrunches his nose.

"But it's hidden…" Phoenix says. "From everything."

"Asha…" Ezra says, recognizing that something is off.

Phoenix sighs, "I… My last mission didn't go well… I was captured. Not necessarily anything unusual there…"

"But?" Ezra prompts.

"Ben was there…" Asha says, barely more than a whisper.

Ezra goes still than squeezes her tighter. "What did he do?" He all but growls. Isolda squeezes his hand and tries to send calming waves to them. This is hampered a bit by her own anger.

"He… let me go…" Asha says. "After five minutes of staring at me, he handed me my lightsaber. Told me to wait two minutes and the guard would sound the alarm in twenty-five minutes."

"Twenty-five minutes? You must be losing your touch…" Isolda tries to joke but it falls flat.

"You've been hanging out with him too much." Phoenix jabs a thumb in her uncle's direction. "And it only took me 17.5 minutes to get out of there. What do you take me for an amateur?"

"And that's it?" Ezra asks.

Phoenix deflates as she is brought back on topic. "Yeah, that's it. Uncle, he was so conflicted. His emotions were swirling around so much I couldn't tell up from down. He… I can't imagine he isn't doing much better. Do you think we could… that it's possible he could-"

"No." Ezra says flatly.

"It's possible, Uncle. It's possible for everyone. Vader proved that. Karabast. Revan proved it." Asha says, with a huff.

"But it's hard. You know that. Probably better than most." Ezra sighs. "And what would you do if he did?" Ezra asks, harshly, his own pain echoing in his words. Isolda leans over and squeezes his shoulder.

"I'd wager it would involve a good right hook, but after that I don't know," Asha sighs, admitting her complicated feelings for him. The best friend she has ever had still stolen everything from her, after all. "But, didn't Vader return because Luke loved and believed in the light within him?"

"Yes." Isolda response with a cringe.

"And didn't you return, Uncle, because Mom and Dad saw the light in you?" Asha asks, again.

"Yes." Ezra nods with a sigh.

"And you believed that light was still within me." Asha finishes. "You didn't give up on me. I can't give up on him. Especially after seeing the light within him." Especially, since it's her-

Her uncle squeezes her hand as if sensing her thoughts but says nothing regarding it. They've had that conversation enough to know where the other stands. And, frankly, it involves enough self-blame to make a therapist cry. "And with that light in him, he killed his father."

"And it ripped him apart enough to be beaten by his cousin who does remember any of the basic lightsaber lessons."

"Wait. What?!" Isolda asks. And Phoenix can already see her academic mind racing for precedents and explanations. "A Force-suggestion? Maybe. Ben is powerful, but Ria wasn't exactly weak minded and Force-sensitives have natural shielding to that…" She begins mumbling under her breath.

Asha rolls her eyes. "Yes, she doesn't remember. I don't know if the general recognized her or not. Look I am not going to actively try and bring him to the light, but if he's there and willing I am going to help."

Ezra sighs. He's been doing that a lot these days. "I suppose that all I can ask is to be careful. I can't lose anyone else."

"You've been saying that since you were half my age, Uncle. We both know it isn't true." Phoenix rolls her eyes. "But I'll be careful."

"Good." Ezra nods.

"What was that about Leia not recognizing her niece?" Isolda asks, tilting her head in the way she did when she had a difficult translation or confusing piece of something she is examining. "I know Leia's a bit gung-hoe about the Resistance, but…"

"Hey, I just found out she can't name, let alone recognize, her son's best friend and childhood crush. I need a few months before I build up that confidence in her ability to handle her family relationships back up. Maybe after Chewie and Rey stun Skywalker's butt and drag him back here." Asha huffs, grumbling something about needing a drink.

Isolda groans, "What is with Skywalkers being emotionally constipated?"

"I don't know." Asha shakes her head. "It'd be funny if the galaxy didn't hang in the balance every time one of them has a temper tantrum."

Ezra nods, standing up, "Well, I need to go prove myself as the grouchy old neighbor and yell at Leia. I just came out here to see how you were."

Asha tilts her head, "Is that a good idea?"

Ezra chuckles. "Don't know, don't care. It's not like I can be court-martialed by her anymore." Asha laughs, as her uncle hugs and kisses her head.

Asha returns the hug. "And don't do anything crazy. My boyfriend already thinks you're crazy."

"Well, I did threaten to hurl him into the nearest star if he hurt you." Ezra chuckles.

"Wouldn't it be stranger if you hadn't?" Isolda shakes her head.

"I don't know. Probably." Asha shakes her head. "We'll be in soon. Or we would IF FINN DIDN'T KEEP HAVING HIS LEG OUT OF THE BOX!"

"You've got to be kidding me." Finn groans in the distance.

"We'll come and get you if you're still out here in an hour." Ezra smiles, before turning toward Finn, "Worry not, Finn. Take weeks to learn this, 'Phoenix' did." Ezra leans heavily on his old cane. "Love you, Sweetheart."

Isolda hugs her as well, "And don't forget."

"I won't" Phoenix chuckles. "Now, go. You have someone to yell at." And they do. Asha doesn't call Finn out on a limb exiting the box a little. He still learning and her uncle was right about how long it took her.

"Finished," Finn smiles as he finishes. He steps out of the box, wiping sweat from his forehead.

"Nicely done," Phoenix nods.

"Master Ezra didn't do that weird backward speaking to you," Finn says, approaching her.

"Yeah, he only does that to make sure people listen to him." Phoenix smiles, offering him a bottle of water. "And I always listen."

"That makes no sense," Finn says, taking the water bottle.

"Of course, I listen to him. He's my uncle and was my teacher. How does that not make sense?" Phoenix tilts her head, amused.

Finn rolls his eyes getting used to the weirdness of the Jedi. He pauses, "Phoenix?"

"Yes?" Phoenix smiles.

"What was that about Rey?" Finn asks.

Phoenix sucks in a breath, "She… Her real name is Sotiria Skywalker, the daughter of Jedi Masters Luke and Mara Jade Skywalker. I used to babysit her when she wasn't even up to my knee for holo-drama cash."

"I take it you didn't tell her," Finn says, clearly confused and mildly accusing.

"Finn, you'll find that the right timing and the right people mean a kriffing lot in this life. I had five seconds to talk to her as she was heading out." Phoenix shrugs. "Not really something I should have sprung on her when she's already nervous about meeting Master Skywalker, the legend." Phoenix snorts. "Legendarily emotionally stunted more like it. Fair warning, Finn, Skywalkers are fiercely passionate, but they rarely know how to deal with those passions."

"Speaking from personal experience?" Finn asks, his shoulder far too stiff for Phoenix's liking. He's nervous around her.

"I've known all but the founding matriarch, Shmi. I even spoke to Jedi Master Anakin Skywalker after the Fall of the Second Jedi Order." Phoenix admits.

"And that includes Kylo Ren," Finn says harshly.

Phoenix breathes, wondering how to approach this with the needed nuance. "No, I don't know Kylo Ren. But he wasn't always Kylo Ren. I met Ben Solo when he was nine years old. He left the Temple when he was sixteen. During that time, he was impatient, quick to anger, and socially inept. But he was also kind, loyal to his friends and rarely had his nose out of a book. Life isn't simply black and white as much as we'd like it to be. There are bad guys that think and do good things. There are good guys that do bad. And every shade in between. Not black, not white, not even grey. It's a technicolor mess of color that will make you nausea, cry, or laugh. Sometimes all three at the same time. I should know it's literally all I can see." Phoenix smirks. "My relationship with Kylo Ren is just as messy. Yes, he let me go. But he also gave me this." She points to the scare covering her eyes.

"Do you think he can be persuaded to leave the First Order?" Finn asks.

Phoenix gives a non-committal shrug, "You tell me. You know Kylo Ren as well as I do. As for Ben, I don't know. Maybe, that depends on him. Though, if he wants to I will give him a helping hand. After all, no matter how I deny it, that's what I am."

"What?" Finn asks, confused.

"A Jedi." Asha smiles a little. "Now, are you done interrogating me or should we turn this into a game of two lies and a truth?"

Finn is silent for a moment before responding, "Aki?"

"Drop it." Phoenix glares at the ground. "She's gone and that's what matters." She goes to finger her old woven bracelet turned white with time. She doesn't feel. Phoenix feels her entire arm. "Finn, is there a bracelet on my right wrist?"

Finn looks at her confused. "The one you were wearing yesterday? No, you haven't been wearing it all day. I assume you didn't put it on today"

Phoenix takes a deep panicked breath before Aki's words drift into her mind so clearly that it could have just been whispered into her ears. "Right… I didn't need it anymore." She takes a shaky breath. "You heading back?"

"Yes, I am heading on a mission with Poe early tomorrow so we're getting briefed tonight," Finn says, putting his jacket back on.

"Right," Phoenix nods, "When you see my boyfriend, tell him I'm going to be late for dinner."

Finn nods, "Sure." He begins walking away.

"Finn!" She calls after him. He turns back to her. "FYI, if you steal him, I will come after you." She teases.

"I don't know what you're talking about," Finn says.

"Sure. Oh, if you ask out Rey, well, expect a conversation you won't enjoy." She says, unable to keep the smirk off her face.

"I am leaving now." Finn shakes his head exasperated, causing Phoenix to burst into laughter.

Asha smiles her loth-cat curling into her lap with a comforting purr. The galaxy is a disaster field. And they're the cleaners. But that isn't anything new. Life's messy and short, especially for them. Casting blame for that does nothing but cause more hurt and pain. There's already too much of that. So, she's not going add her own to the pot. "I don't blame them anymore." Asha whispers and she can't tell who the "them" she's talking about are. The Force takes away her anger, frustration, and blame. It leaves her tears and her laughter, her shouts and huffs, her sighs and her smirks.

 **Thank You Time! And thank you, everyone, for sticking with this to the end. It's been an awesome ride.**

 **Thank you, Jedi Master Seth Skywalker, for favoriting and following. Thank you, Midnight Luna, for reviewing. So now that you've processed the last chapter did you like it? What about this one? Also, I've been meaning to ask, why haven't you gotten your own account after all this time?**

 **Thank You, Everyone!**


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